Therapist - so why are you here in my office today?

Me - I've been doing terrible lately and I have a lot to say.

Therapist- well why do you say your doing "terrible"?

Me- because unfortunately I've done actions I'm not proud of that hurt who I love.

Therapist - well why did you commit these "actions" that you speak of

Demon- I don't ******* no. I was born with no savior from above. With no love. And I came where I come from.

Therapist - and these are reasons to hurt who you care about.

Me- no but I did them and I'm a terrible person and now the voice in my head shouts.

Therapist - what is the voice in your head shouting about?

Demon - how you should shut your ******* mouth. Be quite as a mouse.

Therapist - you seem to have a lot of anger issues inside your head.

Demon- no **** you ******* ***** that's why I lay screaming and clawing in my bed.

Therapist - would you want you son to grow up to be a man like you.

Me- me before? Me then? Me now? Or me in the future?

Therapist- aren't they all the same?

Me- no not a bit. I was once a *******. Became good. One bad hit. Back to a ******* hood. I'm doing better now and I will continue to grow.

Therapist - tell me about yourself all those years ago.

Demon- or leave me the **** alone.

Therapist - now now Ayllon

Me- I struggled. More then most. I survived. Not trying to boast. But from my survival it consumed me.

Therapist - is that what made this struggling man before me?

Me - yes. But I refuse to give up. I'll be strong I'll be give. I'll give love to her.

Therapist- and what's stopping you from doing it again.

Me- because I wouldn't lose just her. Id lose myself, my health, my life. I refuse to hurt her. That's what it comes down to.

Therapist- does she believe you.

Me- no. But actions speak louder then words. If she doesn't give up on me she'll see me grow. And who knows. Maybe she'll love me again in the end. But until that day I'll show her I'm a new man.

The fire inside my eyes
Creates an inner feeling of suicide
I'm a sinking ship
With no cargo
A mind of dynamite
A heart with an emotional embargo
Sometimes it feels as if I'm expected to do to much
So much pressure on me I can feel my bones crush
People forget to see from your perspective
I was not elected
Simply placed in this seat
So why is it so easy to point fingers
And say he's ******* up
He's making mistakes
It's his fault
You forget you are not the only one with battles
With demons
I'm fiendish
Don't forget
I'm not a bad person no matter what you say
But what you say still kills me in the end of the day
Why are my mistakes worse?
Because of perspective
I was not elected
Simply placed in this seat
Why can't I just admit defeat?
It would be so easy to quite
Because in the end that gets me nowhere  
But back to being a failure
And once again who says I'm a failure
Is it you, or me?
Well unfortunately
Your opinion matters
When it shouldn't
But it does
I've failed time and time again
I have that mentally of a failure
But the failure must lead
Why is that
I didn't ask for this
For this responsibility
I'm a failure remember
I didn't ask for this
I wasn't elected
I was simply placed in this seat
To fall
Lose
Fail
And feel defeat

I know I make more mistakes then most people do
But unfortunately do to circumstance I wasn't raised like you
Yes I had a house
Yes I had a mouth
But I didn't have heat
And I had no food to eat
So I may have many under lining mental problems
But no matter how many drugs I take I can't solve them
Why am I the odd one out?
For doing what I did to survive
It's not my fault this society makes 13 year old sell coke to strive
So I did things i may regret
But I was stickily looking out for my own neck
I have anger problems
I'm an addict
A drop out
A failure
An *******
A liar
But in alive
I stayed alive when life wanted me dead
But unfortunately it ****** with my head
I'm a awful person
A downgrade
I hurt the world more then I help
Though I stayed alive
Should I have gone to hell?

They say a picture paints a thousand words
But I've always been a poem man myself
But what do you do when a poem can't express what you need to tell
As I stair at her curls
That swirl
And create my world
I realize I'm in love with much more then a girl
Or a woman that is
I'm in love with her spirit
Her being
Even her breathing
My need for her touch can often leave me seething
In anger
For I need this woman
And this makes me weak
But if I must be weak to have her I admit defeat
For I would do whatever is needed for her compassion
And I shall love this woman this spirit this being in every fashion
I am but a man
With a devils past
In which this angel has looked passed
Though you may not see an angel I do
I see her wings and halo through and through
I'm a disaster of a man
And barely a being
But this woman continues to love me breathing
So I'll be alive
To insure she thrives
I am her guardian
And her lover
Until I die  
She is stronger then you
I can guarantee
She is stronger then me
I completely agree
She is perfect
Though she may not know
But I plan to express it to her for an eternity or so
Every day I'll say I love you
Including your passed
For without that I may have never met you at last
At last I have my love
My very best friend
You have my heart and soul in your possession until the very end
I am great full for you
And great full for us
Because without you as my eyes I could not see
Without you as my lungs I could not breathe
Without you in my life I could not be me

My heart longs to please
In my mind your all I see
Deep inside my monster bleeds
Even though I carry a disease
But what I want you to understand
Is even when you fall
You have my hand
We both have demons
In which you know
You focus on yours that aren't exposed
What you forget is I was raised a way
In which people who anger me get no praise
But I now see the error to these ways
I have wronged you for certain
This I'm sure
But you also know my intentions to love you are pure
I have protected you as much as I can
I have shown you my strong side in which I'm a man
But I have exposed my weakness to you as well
Because we both have been through our own personal hell
But I would like to get to my point
I have wronged you in which I admit
When I get angry and threw my fit
I love you
In which I've shown
Even though sometimes it may seem unknown
I will never let you go
I will never stop loving
Because without you in my life
I am left with nothing
I was a fool to upset you
But I'm a man enough to say I was wrong
I need you in my life
This I'm positive of
I'm not to religious
But you were sent from above
Your my angel
I'm your guardian
We were meant to be together to the end


Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.

Stuck in a sea
Of undying greed
My eyes have finally turned to green
My blood now drips out of all seams
And all my courage will indefinably flee
How can one see
When the darkness over powers me
A scratch of the skin
My addiction begins
A relapse or two
Stuck not knowing what to do
Sweating and trembling
Fretting so menacingly  
My thoughts race
Pacing in place
Mind now filled with vacant space
My heart is erased
These drugs open arms is something I must embrace
My innocence has been defaced
My conscious has been misplaced
My mistakes I retrace
I give in to my sins