How do you better yourself
When your losing yourself
Your mind is fuzzy
Nose is stuffy
Eyes are ******
Mind is running
Thoughts are rushing
Your heart is cold
Like a ******* ice pack

The demons of my past
Seem to never fade
An endless opening in my heart
Similar to the ever glades
Monster in the brain
The devils slave
I'm a murderous beast
A carnivore with the need to feast
Well at least
I will meet my defeat
But only once i meet a foe that's worthy
A shadow of a man
Is all that's left
Nothing but echoes
When i pound my chest
All human feelings
Have exhaled from my breast
And the only noise i make
Is a hollow whisper under my breath
And it amazes me how blind people can be
That when I'm in there view
Hate isn't all they see
I'm a heathen
A demon
Craving your screaming
Feeding
Needing
All of your bleeding
That breathing
Should be fading
Your soul
I should be taking
Your mind
Is now blanking
Iv'e murdered again

When I'm alone at night
Laying in my bed
The demons come out
Attach to my head
The voices whisper
Never knowing what they said
But every time
Fill me with overwhelming dread
My body only has evil fed
And all emotions have completely fled
My grey sight
Has just turned to red
And the rage takes over
Arms turn to bull dozers
Anybody in my path will be run over
I'm a *** addict
Popping perks
Like i gatta have it
Coke in my pocket
Gotta grab it
Your ******* throat
I gotta stab it
Living in poverty
Blinded by hate
Until i can't even see
That demon i hate is me
Deep inside it breathes
Blood it needs
And death it seeks

My cheeks turn red
My head starts to spin
My mouth opens up
No words appear
Constantly trembling in fear
Knowing my death is constantly near
Pills in my pocket
Take them with beer
Start shedding tears

I spit poison
My mind is toxic
My heart is frozen
Brain with no logic
Speak without a topic
My evil is atomic
Zoned out like im bionic
My life is chronically chaotic
And i smoke until im hypnotically psychotic
Stuck in a constant fight or flight
So much dark no hope for light
The darkness has taken over my eye sight
I'm a monster
Prepare for a fright
No bark all bight
And when i attack i come with all my might
Stuck in this eternal night

I sit in pain
As my mind starts to collapse
Trembling fingers
On the verge of a relapse
Stuck thinking about my evil past
And so many people
Say there here
But I'm alone
Not physically but mentally
I'm unstable
I'm unable
To wear this smile anymore
I'm wondering the point of change
When my soul and mind stay the same
And to be honest
I'm the one to blame
Because after all it was my actions that made my life go aflame
And as I remember I feel intense shame
But nothing compares to my severe pain
I can feel the throb deep in my brain
The voice screaming saying I'm insane

So I cry and I scream
And I beg and I plead
But my mind
It still bleeds
And my heart
It still needs
And my soul
Fights this disease
But how long am I alone
Do I fight
Or just go
Am I loved
Or despised
Am I a hero
In your eyes
Or a *******
Or a failure
Or a loser
Or a disgrace
This face
This face
Had had to many tears
Over so many years
So I must say
Who will stand by my side today

The devil preys on the weak
So he slips in while I sleep
And says you'll work for me
I reluctantly agree
He has control over my being
He controls all I am seeing
All of my bleeding
And the death of the innocent i will be feeding
He hands me a gun
And says I'll love you like a son
Says he will give me the compassion I always needed
But in a fashion that makes me no longer a human being
Gives me the sins that calms my nerves
I am forever addicted to the life style I have learned
The fight inside me lives dormant
But if you harm who I love
I will begin the torment
Your defeat
I have sworn it
And to a degree
I have earned it
Because I've over come who I was
But he still lives inside me
The hate that I pop
Make it so he is thriving
I hate who I am
A hollow ******* man
A portal for the evil
A mortal for the ******

In my mind I am diverse
In my soul I carry a curse
To the point I'm in a hearse
Screaming I NEED A NURSE
My words they start to slur
I look but there is not cure
My heart is no longer pure
And I slaughter the innocent
I am a griffin
A monster with the ability to be beautiful
But my soul is to harmful
And my arms are covered in scars
From the days I do not speak of
Guns pointed out of cars
Perked out until I'm in the stars
Room filled with piff jars
**** around end up in a reservoir
I come from a street of broken dreams
A group of mentally deranged abused teens
A corner with more horror scenes then your worst dreams
And at night I sit and embrace the screams
For they echo in my head
From a life filled with dread
And the fire in my heart
Began to spark form the start
For I am a demon
A monster and always will
Because I fell under the horrible spell of the pills

I wait for the day
My sickness releases me
But how can that be
When i was born to die
I need to escape
And i will remake
I will decrease
And **** ill be king

As my golden crown
Hits the ground
I am your jester
Your clown
I sleep in secrecy
I dream more then you can believe

But dreams are not real
And beggars cant be choosers
I will die
But not by your hand

Listen to the baby cry
Watch as his mother dies
Life has no ******* signs
Figure it out on your own

As my golden crown
Hits the ground
I am your jester
Your clown
I sleep in secrecy
I dream more then you can believe