You deliver torrents of happiness and comfort in my darkest times
And it pains me to know that I can’t do the same for you.
So badly, I want to embrace you;
Not just physically,
But your emotions:
I want to mend them
Fragment by fragment
To perfection.
Till you forget what it feels like to be unhappy.
And you experience only love.

Even though I’d love you to the best of my ability,
I know that it’d never be enough:
You deserve far more than I can give -
But I’d love you with every cell in my body
Ever fiber and nerve ending
Every breath and every syllable of every word I ever spoke.
I’d give you my all.


And I want nothing more than to see you
To memorize your every feature,
To touch and experience you in ways that you or I have never known.
Because you are so wondrous, that I can’t help but want to discover your entirety.

Even the nights are colder and longer since you aren’t here.
And the hours of two, three and four in the morning are no longer my favourite,
Because hearing you breathe before you descend into sleep makes my heart so uneasy
In a way that only you can.
My heart- have I told you about it?
How it takes off and functions irrespective of my body?
The way it soars and keeps climbing and speeding to rapidity that I’d not imagined?
Or perhaps how my breathing becomes irrational and irregular at the sound of those words you whisper
Uneasy.
Because in those moments I want you.
And it makes me feel like telling you:
“Pick me up right now and let’s drive till nowhere”
And have you kiss away the scars on my hips
Just as you would the ones on my wrists and my heart
But only after I mend you.

Do you see how much I want this?
How much I want to become familiar with your actions:
The way your thumb brushes across my cheek on your way to kiss me
The way your fingers trace patterns on my skin
Or simply the way you smile and laugh


I’m so alone without you.
But so in love.

I love you passionately and deeply
I love you with my entire being
And at times like these I wonder how I’d be able to survive without you
I feel like the literal other half of me is missing, you are missing
And every few minutes our memories flood my head :
You lying down with your head on my lap
Us sharing pizza on my bed
And then - you, picking me up while we kiss, taking me to my room and resting me gently on my bed

These memories wash over me and it becomes even more obvious that this distance doesn’t phase any part of our relationship
It tests our patience, sure, but if anything else, it brings us closer together and makes us more appreciative of the time we’re able to spend with each other.

Distance…

I suppose the way I feel is unoriginal
And the words I say are overused
The “I love you”s are plain
And the butterflies I feel when you’re near are recycled
The things I thought were ours
Were already yours
And everything we experienced was and is a carbon copy of what you had with her
Before you, I didn’t know what it was like to be held properly
To be kissed softly
To have the things I want to hear delicately whispered to me
To have fingers trace patterns on my skin without purpose -
There was so much I thought was ours
So many places and moments and minutes
And words you’ve said and things you’ve done
But they were already yours
So the way it feels when I relax into your arms when you hold me
Or the way I hug you
And the way I exhale when you kiss me
And the way I look at you because I love you -
It’s nothing new to you
Sadly, it was new to me
Thankfully, it was new to me.
Now, my only worry is that your touch will seem foreign
Your kisses will be rehearsed
The words you’ll say are empty
And worst of all I think -
The way you look at me will be the way you looked at her
And I’ll know.

Lying down with my head on your chest and my hand over your heart and your arm around me, I still wasn’t convinced - and you saw that
You saw the questions and confusion in my eyes.
But then, when you put your hand over mine I began to question myself
Why ever did I think any unpleasant thoughts
Why ever did I say such harsh words to such an amazing being who has forgiven me for the things I’ve done
I’ve never felt safer and more at home when I’m with you
You complete me -
Seeing the way you look at me
And the way your voice gets so raw
But its still so gentle and soft
And the way you hold me, the movement of every finger seems to be thought out so well
Your kisses too leave me needing your comfort
The way your lips tug on mine ever so gently
The way we kiss so slowly and smoothly
And the way you know just the right intensity I desire every time
You trace patterns on my pleading skin and the pent up emotions I have - the anger and doubt and fear melt away
No - not because I crave physical contact but because I can feel how much you mean everything you’ve ever said
I’m in love
I’m in love
I love you
I want this… I want us to last.

I suppose the way I feel is unoriginal
And the words I say are overused
The “I love you”s are plain
And the butterflies I feel when you’re near are recycled
The things I thought were ours
Were already yours
And everything we experienced was and is a carbon copy of what you had with her
Before you, I didn’t know what it was like to be held properly
To be kissed softly
To have the things I want to hear delicately whispered to me
To have fingers trace patterns on my skin without purpose -
There was so much I thought was ours
So many places and moments and minutes
And words you’ve said and things you’ve done
But they were already yours
So the way it feels when I relax into your arms when you hold me
Or the way I hug you
And the way I exhale when you kiss me
And the way I look at you because I love you -
It’s nothing new to you
Sadly, it was new to me
Thankfully, it was new to me.
Now, my only worry is that your touch will seem foreign
Your kisses will be rehearsed
The words you’ll say are empty
And worst of all I think -
The way you look at me will be the way you looked at her
And I’ll know.

It hurts my heart to think that a man as beautiful as you are could love a girl as broken as I am
It terrifies me that you hold me to such high esteem when my lyrical appreciation of your beauty is far less in comparison
It feels as if you do love me more and you do love me better but who can really tell when I can’t even tell you what’s really in my heart
You’re incredible, unrealistically perfect and that’s about the furthest I can get before my thoughts escape and become tangled in the web of emotions you’ve spun in my mind
I find it strange that somebody like you could feel something like this for someone like me and I know you’ve told me a hundred times why you feel the way you do but it doesn’t add up
And no, it’s not that I don’t believe you - for once its not that I don’t believe ‘you’ because when I see you smile at me or feel your arms around me or enjoy the taste of your mouth I know that this is real
I know that this is real

We may not have much

But in those few stolen moments

I am happiest

I am better than I’ve ever been and more alive than I’d ever feel

He completes me

And our downs will never be too down to affect our ups

I love him

More than we can understand.