This evening you said, “I like you, and you like me, right?”
To which I replied, “Of course I do.”
But you were wrong, and I lied.
I don’t like you -
I’m in love with you.
And its so much more than I’ve ever felt for anyone else.

I’m afraid
Mostly of memories and words that I desperately want to hear again
Of dreams which were made so real by subtle intonation and a few drinks
I want this so badly
But when has anything I’ve ever wanted turned out to be good for me?
So I wait
And I know that this isn’t meant to be
This can’t be
But I can’t help but wonder
What if.

I might not be able to offer you much
Like fancy presents
Or high tea
But I can give you:
Laughter
Warm hugs
Soft kisses
Playful touches
Long walks
Shy smiles
Late nights
Early mornings.
I can’t give you the world, love
Not the moon
Or even stars
But I can offer you
Patience
Understanding
Comfort
I’m sorry it’s all that I have
Because you deserve much, much more
Much more than I can give
But love, I promise you
That I won’t let you down
I won’t let you fall.
More than anything
I want to love you
I want to give you my all
Endless care
Undying love
Everything.
Everything.

Because the truth is :
I want to love you at your lowest
And then at your highest.
I want to see you at your most vulnerable because I can be that open to you.
I want to hold you while you cry,
And when you laugh.
You have no idea how much of me wants to love you; every part, mind, soul and body.
Your emotions, whether sadness, frustration, anger, happiness, joy, love:
I want them to be mine.
I want you, your all, your everything. Good, bad, indifferent.

And though it may seem irrelevant
I want you to know that you make my heart skip a beat every time you say my name;
Every time I hear you exhale at 3 am on our way to sleep;
When you talk and I can hear the smile in your voice;
And I picture my head against your chest, or our fingers intertwined.
As you whisper to me and ease my fears, my heart soars with the thought of you being mine.
Being able to hold you, and be held in your arms. Hearing your soothing voice as my lullaby every night. Kissing you, and being kissed. Loving you and knowing that I’m loved back.
And as it quickly as my thoughts accelerate, I know that you can’t.
But I also know.
That
I just might
Love you.

Your eyes kiss mine, slowly, just as we do before you fall asleep.
First, a whisper of our lips, and then our entire souls - all at once.
I gaze at your beauty while you sleep; your gorgeous lips parted ever so slightly - the wonders of your breathing keeping me awake for hours.
The way you sigh each time you exhale has me fighting for control of myself and I know that in those moments, you are everything.
And when you wake, its like the sunrise to my world, you smile as you whisper “Good Morning” and then seek my lips.
In those few minutes, as I’m wrapped in your arms, your face against mine, I’m safe and I know there’s no where else I’d like to be.

When I was six years old
And daddy told me “Don’t worry, I’m doing this for us”
What right did I have to distrust?
The world is made of happiness
And sunshine
And nothing bad can touch you
At six
How would I have known?
But at eighteen
When I was no longer pure
And had experienced many things that
‘Would never happen to me’
I had all the right to distrust
Because the world is not made of happiness
But of people who ‘want to do this for us’
And who claim ‘I love you’ at the thought of .
At eighteen and two months though
My mother told me that my father was right
He was ‘doing this for us’
And at eighteen and three I understood
He left
Because he knew.