. I wish I didn’t find a way to **** up every relationship I ever had. I wish I had never kissed John Doe when he was high and had a girlfriend, and all the many times we did it sober. I wish I hadn’t told him I had feelings for him, and just waited.  I wish I still didn’t cry over the kisses he left on my skin over four months ago. I wish that I had had the chance to scream all my angry feelings at him. I wish my face and neck didn’t go hot with anger every time I look or think of him. I wish I hadn’t slapped him, or slept with him. I wish I had the courage to walk up to him and hug him. And just hold him for a few minutes. I WISH I COULD SCREAM “YOU ******* PROMISED” OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL MY THROAT IS RAW AND MY EYES ARE EMPTY OF TEARS. I wish he knew how much he hurts me every time I see those eyes. I wish with all my might that I could hit rewind and start my whole life over, with all the knowledge I have now. Because my heart hurts and my mind is bored.