Our wings were clipped.
We never stood a chance.

They said take heart and what we seek will come,
So as they cover our eyes and blind us with promises
I dream of a better day with better dreams
But slowly my heart sinks
My hopes are anchored to a rock
And all the dreams have been dreamt.
In this tomb,
The same darkness welcomes me when I open my eyes.

We thought we could change our destiny
We didn't know they cast our future in stone
And as the grains of sands in this hourglass of time slipped away,
I knew that we were running out of seconds,
They didn't spare us dreams anyway.

I thought that I can metamorphose
And that this is only a stage that shall pass.
But the lies that I pull out of thin air
Isn't enough to convince myself.
I turn to them once more.
I couldn't see the sun but they said "Have hope."
And so I did.

In this darkness,
I hope they cannot hear my cries.
I learned the truth and everything they hid from us.
Our wings were clipped,
We never stood a chance.

They say that " What doesn't **** you makes you stronger "
I would like to say you made me stronger
But I think you bored holes and dug crevices in my heart
And as I pump your presence throughout me
You rush into every tendon, every sinew, every fiber of me.
I guessed I became you.

I didn't want to be a monster initially
I had no idea that my pulse would weaken
With every smile i cracked, every word I exchanged with you.
I didn't know when I lost my pulse, the exact moment my heart gave up the struggle.
I thought you tasted like ambrosia
But you are toxic - deadly - to my soul.
I didn't want to admit it when you left my side,
But I guessed a small part of me knew that you had poisoned me with darkness.

When he took over your presence,
I didn't want to let him in.
I am afraid that when he take my hand in his,
He would find no pulse.
I can foresee his shock and his apprehension
How long can I hide that my heart no longer beats for anyone?

You left me, but you left parts of you with me.
Your coldness, your detachedness and your darkness.
I can't look into his eyes, can't look through those tinted hazel brown windows to discover more.
I am afraid that I will steal his soul
And like you, maybe I would not give it back.

If jealousy is a green eyed monster,
Anxiety will be a blued eyed monster
With thorns that you do not take notice of
Until its too late and you are trapped in its suffocating embrace.
Save me, please.

Anxiety will rob you of your breath
She leaves you gasping for air when everyone can breathe just fine.
I can't look around,
Or they will know there is no heart next to my failing lungs.
Save me, please.

Anxiety will steal your light away
She will leave you in darkness
When she knows your fear of the dark will **** you.
My eyes look around wildly
Seeing yet unseeing
I need to find my way out of this crowd.
There are too many eyes that can see through me
She keeps me blind.
Save me, please

Anxiety will take away your courage
I am not brave enough to be in a room full of people.
I am not brave enough to talk to the girl sitting beside me for the last six months
I am not brave enough to look into your eyes.
Anxiety is a blue-eyed monster that won't give me back my courage.
Please please please, give it back.

I see the deadlines in things.

I see it in our conversation at 2am in the morning
When you made me muffle my laughter under the sheets
Hoping that my parents would not open my bedroom door.
Even in the haze of my joy, I could see the deadline of us blinking red.
But I was foolish,
I had hoped this thing between us would not spoil,
Even as the red numbers start their countdown.
      
Tick Tock Tick Tock

I can feel it in between us,
As thick as a wall, a barrier between our bodies
My heart clenches and I hurt,
When you smiled angelically and told me that we can be forever.
As I burn your smile into my memory,
I shook my head slightly.
How can there be a forever
when we must die as long as the clock ticks?

Tick Tock Tick Tock

I can hear the deadline in my palpitating pulse
It beats harder as I anticipate a reply *any reply
My heart skips a beat when you said you had forgotten to reply
For maybe the fifth time this fortnight.
When you said good night a few minutes later
My heart threatens to free fall.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

I can taste the deadline when you chose to end what we started.
You said "Maybe this is when we start to expire"
Bile rises up my throat and I cannot hold it in anymore.
I throw up just then.
This is my fear - that I am living in my nightmare
I cannot hold back what I feel for you.

I know our deadline is here - this is our closure.
You said goodbye and I whispered my farewell.
My clock stops ticking.