stress is sneaky
it grabs you from the back
pulls you
out of your skin
muscles grow tighter as
you grow less aware of them
brain clenches
stress will try to
compress you
shock and overdrive
in the name of production
things need to
get done.

Life brought you into my life
You brought me into your head
I brought you into my bed
You brought me to your table
Life took you out of my life.

the beautiful thing about infants
is they speak no language
yet everyone understands.

For a solid three hours the world is gold.
Every streetlamp is an angel;
the red traffic light is unparalleled in its vibrancy.
Whatever may have been pleasant before
dazzles you now.
The temperature of the air is in harmony with
the temperature of your body.
The trees are what they always were and
you somehow never noticed the glow of light passing
through a maple leaf;
you never quite enjoyed the complexion of the air.
When people talk to you it is easy to forget
that they cannot feel it also.
When you dance to celebrate every cell of your body
they stand back and watch you.
If you listen to yourself you know exactly what you need to do,
if there is a particular song that will sound like melted silver.
You are an excellent navigator of your world as long as
you avoid those who are not living in it with you.
In the morning you wonder
if your experience of life has been tainted.
Whenever something beautiful happens you will know
it is not as perfect as it could be.

Shine in the basement
She thought she caught a glimpse
A sprig of light, gentle sublime glow
The hallway was a greyscale tunnel
She didn’t know how to walk through
But the Midnight Orchid
Was in her hand

Clutched in a claw
More than money but it was dying
Slow, dried into beautiful, twisted paper
And she held it like a cross

When the hallway got darker, the petals
Dropped in a row behind her
When the shadows grasped
Every sound was thunder
And her eyes were white with terror
But the Midnight Orchid
Was in her hand

About half past 3 am
When the sounds got cloudy
Muffled by a violating silence that
descended from every direction
She moved like a wasp
From the circling doorway
And the Midnight Orchid
Was in her hand

Perhaps these didn’t didn’t transform
The way she saw herself
When she peered through curved glass
At the next “her” that would arrive

Through a dream that beckoned
And exploded her insides
Like infinite spirals of fire
The truth witnessed her
When light finally washed bare feet
And the stream of hallway petals
A moment gone
And a trillion moments come
The Midnight Orchid
Fell.

you would not have jumped on your own

you can remember your toes
gripping
the cliff's edge
you can remember his hand
pressed into yours
how firm it had seemed
how sure you had been
if there was doubt
you did not listen

you do not remember jumping
just glassy eyes mixed calls hot confusion
you forgot how it felt to be
safe inside only yourself and now
you are falling
and you scream:
How Did I Get Here

the hand that was pressed into yours
is not there
you do not know
exactly when the fingers
uncurled and slipped
away
you search the sky
rushing past
you can see his colors but
not his face
as you plummet
you realize
he is flying

the darkness catches you like a net
it swings itself over you
the thickest brush of sumi ink
the softest blanket the womb
it is still but
you are throbbing
there is a tiny needle in the center of your chest
a red halo is formed
tender like a splinter
you do not understand it
you are afraid

there are beautiful people everywhere
but you do not see them
you know he is flying so
you do not look up
instead
you bury yourself into the dark and
wait
you hold your own hands
they are warm and calloused and familiar

days and days and days

melody begins to
trickle
into the darkness
you don't know
if it is coming from inside of you
or outside of you
the music brushes the side of your face
you nudge it away
more persistent it grabs you
from behind
playfully
you snarl and swing around
you are standing in the daylight

the music grows and
you follow it and follow it
and when you get there you realize
you have forgotten his name
and can recall your own

there is a girl I
love
but don't really know
she is always
bent
over the table
her hair is
ash brown unbrushed
it creates a frazzled
blanket
over her head
sometimes she lifts up
for a second
makes some cynical remark and
giggles
and puts her head back down
in a sea of runway wannabes
in manicured eyebrows
and dior shoes
she wears
tattered sweatshirts and
not a smudge of makeup
when you are beautiful
you do not need to be
pretty

I am in the right place
but it is not my place
I belong in this place
but I do not belong to this place

The spirituality
of a Land
is something you can acknowledge
but not fully embody
when your head is full
like a city,
so I choose to believe
that the spirits of the Land
work with you
beneath your conscious awareness
bringing you closer
to what was already
there.

I can't decide
whether to
cut
the splinter out
or wait
for it to
heal over.

They divide us two and two
They line us up in rows
The catcher stands strong
While the other one falls

And I close my eyes and fall
Into the arms of strangers
What an exercise they say
What an illusion of danger

Till you stand behind me
And the instructor says ‘fall!’
And I stand strong instead
While they let themselves go

And beside me I am aware
All the bodies still as boards
Heaving through the air
While I move not a thing

And you say honey trust me
And then it sets in
And the awkward truth
That it’ll never be the same

you have discovered
that you care
what I think of you.

what
are you
thinking
about?

I don't know why
I don't want to leave.

when you stay
because you are afraid of losing what you had
you do not lose
the past
you lose
the future.

be brave.

I am not
that
invested.


****.

there is blood
all through the inside of your body
red and
wet and
bright
each cell a message
carried carefully

We have only a short time
We have

warthogs
trot by
with their tails
in the air.

boys
bring some sort of
joy
to the surface
when they are
close
to me.
I don't know what
to call that.

the Maasai people
eat mostly blood and milk
after a certain age.
a man we met
showed us his sleeping father
claiming his father was
one hundred and eight
years old
the man under the blanket
looked tiny and fragile
a tangle of bird bones
I could have lifted
in my arms.

Star street Mickey Mouse
lemon balm ice cream jellyfish in jars
Distance Hollywood
Feed the homeless skip the bars

She finds a sidewalk square claims it her own
And we come back years from now
To assess it
Menus on the boardwalk spend too much
We’re stressin

I like the
deep color
of their skin
crafted
from soil
and wind.
these people are
powerful
enough to carry
the sun
inside
their bodies.

I looked
for you
and found
everyone
else.

inside of his stomach
there is a furnace
but you don't notice it
when you put your hands on him
you feel only a dull warmth
which you mistake for
blushing
someday I will accidentally see
the pain in your eyes
I will not recognize his face behind them
only feel a jolt of nostalgia
if I could only find you now
take you by the shoulders and tell you
impish smiles are not worth it
and you're better off
unless
you're
different
how can I love that for you

I cannot find
a proper snack.

her belly is on the concrete
the sun makes her
glow
softer than the water
she is bored
she does not acknowledge
the great gift the light has given the world
by reflecting
off her body

I would like to believe
that life moves
in a circle
instead of a straight line.
then I can
meet you again
in this life
or on the other side.

Music
and
Touch
are the
same.

You said sometimes
Texting her
Makes you uncomfortable
Like words are only half the
Conversation
And your bodies make up
The other half.
When words are
All you have
Everything feels
A little off.

I did not fall for you
simply opened my arms
and allowed you
to fall into me.

when you begin to believe
too strongly
that you control your destiny
you begin to feel like
you are walking a very thin tightrope
not everything is because of you
and some things are meant to happen
and so
they just happen
regardless of how you intend
you try to grasp something
and still it moves away
you become filled with dark doubt about love
and still love finds you
wraps its arms around your fear
so
accept the dark parts of yourself
that are difficult to accept
and accept the parts of yourself
that are angry with you
for not readily accepting
also, accept the world
as it flows in and out of you
do not be afraid to lose love
it always comes back.

my
world
has become
soaked
in you
somehow.

I like the way
we look at each other.

At moments like these
I lash out at the slightest little thing
That seems wrong
Can't help but to think of them as
Cruelties thrown into my face
By the stars.

try not to
compress
your heart
even when it feels
like the easy
or practical
thing to do.

I will probably hold them
all inside of me
forever.

thank you
for bringing me
up and out
once in a while.
you remind me
that laughter
is innate
in us all.

you wonder
if you will
ever again
lay eyes on him.

I never get tired of clouds
because
somehow
you never see the same one
twice.

you put in
the right amount
of effort
and then you wait
if it is supposed
to happen
it will.

I know that
we are from
different worlds
but
perhaps
we can
create one.

majesty of mine
raise your bejeweled head
let me live you
the ocean of my eyes will shimmer
with the pearls you place there

I am delivered by
the girl in the pink overalls
smiles of danger
glimpses of roses

grab yourself a glass and
find a seat
we got work to do

unbuckle your seatbelt
I am learning how to live
without a ****** up mind
I am learning what it is
to be well-designed

what if
you're just
an idea?

maybe i want pain
because i am good at it
like wallowing
and going through a cycle
of fear, sadness, anger, empowerment
re-discovering myself
finding my own joy
done it so many times that
it's expected
so
when you offer me another kind of joy
i hang my head and don't answer
and you think
whatever it is
whatever conclusion you come to
i don't know
i don't give you anything
pretend i'm having a good time
until you get sick of it and leave
and it's too late
and the suffering is cold comfy familiar
always

when you
kiss him
in the rain
you are also
kissing the rain.

a male lion
lay motionless
in the shade.
his fashionably disheveled mane
and swollen belly
gave me comfort
until he
opened his
eyes.

the people here
have no illusory separation
from their land

small, bare-armed boys
pause from herding goats
to glance over

waking up
among the painted antelope
and the wildebeests
streaming up the hillside
and the gnarled knees
of an ostrich
and the glassy yellow eyes
of a lion
is something
we should all experience.