when you wrap around yourself
stretch too wide
you are thrown back inside
the stone closes behind you
from the outside
it looks like a tomb
but inside
it is warm and soft like
laundry coming out
of the dryer
people wonder where you've gone
their eyes search your vacant expression
they cannot
touch you.

When I awoke
In the back of his car
I closed my eyes for
The fifteenth, hundredth time
Was afraid of splintering supernovas,
Smashed metal
Was afraid for my body
Was afraid of the heat center in my chest
Watched the rain watercolor tones of grey
On the car windows
Encapsulated, fetal
Wound still raw
Body shaking with affection
Trust and damp windows
Mellow and trust
Trust and music
Grey-toned streaming
Grey-toned banner way
Unwashed hair
Tender smiles
Car ceiling
Promises

I kissed the season
And turned to the curtain
French music in the garden
A man combs his hair with a wooden brush

Souvenirs in boxes
Little pieces of sunshine carried in my purse
I wonder if he is sitting on my love

Man wandering in optical pants
She is strange
It is okay to feel like this

When a storm lifts my heart
Am nowhere but here
Every moment is too familiar
I am not afraid anymore

People painted white
I think I was homeless in a past life
With a leg up in the sun
All kids are homeless
They sleep with the butterflies

I have to go buy a bottle of oil
Maybe that’ll solve all my problems
I’ll let u know how it goes

when you
kiss him
in the rain
you are also
kissing the rain.

I have always liked pistachios
because you have to
crack them open.

the city is ripped
trees grow through the cracks
I extend my arm
until it rests
at home
on what is too solid to be moved
and too slow to be understood.

in the middle of your soul
I have heard you find
the way
I have lived in the comfort
of divine silence
which is why
rolling hills
dark caves
children's books
water
reflects myself back to me.

we can wait here all night
or try to swim to the bottom of Puget Sound
or run to the farthest reaches
of the galaxies
if only in our minds
anything not to fade out
anything to stay here suspended
curl up in the trunk
if you close your eyes tight enough
the seconds can't seep in
if hands are held tight enough
no air can slip in
this hair is no longer mine
nothing is mine now
we exist as everything
oh baby trust me
I have had to come here by myself
so many times
I know what if feels like but
the desperation is new
this slab of sidewalk
is where we belong
if we look away
we are unafraid
to turn and find the other gone
the ache is a novelty
one day
which as time works may as well
be any day
it will finally happen.

I am not
that
invested.


****.

I am
finding it
difficult
to be here.

I cannot find
a proper snack.

she said light switches
ran all the way down
the inside of her body
and you somehow
turned them all up
at the same time

Shine in the basement
She thought she caught a glimpse
A sprig of light, gentle sublime glow
The hallway was a greyscale tunnel
She didn’t know how to walk through
But the Midnight Orchid
Was in her hand

Clutched in a claw
More than money but it was dying
Slow, dried into beautiful, twisted paper
And she held it like a cross

When the hallway got darker, the petals
Dropped in a row behind her
When the shadows grasped
Every sound was thunder
And her eyes were white with terror
But the Midnight Orchid
Was in her hand

About half past 3 am
When the sounds got cloudy
Muffled by a violating silence that
descended from every direction
She moved like a wasp
From the circling doorway
And the Midnight Orchid
Was in her hand

Perhaps these didn’t didn’t transform
The way she saw herself
When she peered through curved glass
At the next “her” that would arrive

Through a dream that beckoned
And exploded her insides
Like infinite spirals of fire
The truth witnessed her
When light finally washed bare feet
And the stream of hallway petals
A moment gone
And a trillion moments come
The Midnight Orchid
Fell.

I am
teaching
myself
to
roll with it.

we all made daisies
we presented them to the class

their daisies were
blinding white and
butter yellow

my daisy was
scorched

their daisies were
small and slight

my daisy was
big and awkward

when their daisies lifted their heads
mine cowered in shame

I made a hundred more daisies, quite like the first.
a compost pile assumed the space
beneath my desk

out of it
grew a garden.

Do you want to live in stone?

Once closing the light
they tell us to find our fire in July
I said I was crazy
He said she was crazy
To step into something
that would ******* out "crazy" too
is something I would not do.

We have everything though
but not everything
or I would have stayed with him
brown eyes, white smile
said it would take me a while
and by "a while" I meant "never".

The time has come to close certain doors
To open my windows instead
Open my walls and extend the floors
There is no space for anybody else here
We fill it up so beautifully
When it rains we make patterns on the floor
When the eggs are swollen we crack them
Stack a heaping plate of crepes and eat them all ourselves.

There are no elevens here
only thirteens that spit at you from every corner
There are no apologies here
but there is forgiveness under every table
if you're willing to flip them over
There are no gardens here
but life sprouts its way through every crack
Trunks rise from the floor like silent thunder
Flowers bloom on the ceiling and in the corners
and on the tables.

We make messes here,
clean only on the new moon
or when the mood strikes
We plant poison poppies by the front door
and sweet lilacs by the back
We take everything and give nothing back.
We take everything and give nothing back.

We swing unshaved legs over the sides
of an enormous stained white tub
We dance without shoes or want of music
We squat to greet the cats that slink around books
and perch by candles
We find birds to sit on our shoulders
and sew wings out of silk.

She says she loves her boyfriend
And me and her are ‘just friends’
But every time we do it
She’ll break up with him again
Then I get all freaked out
And they get back together
And it goes on like that
Forever and forever

Never mind, did I tell you about the guy
Who walked in smelling like a stranger
Wanna buy him rose of Jericho
He’ll probably keep it forever
And I got a case of something
That’ll probably go undiagnosed
Yeah, I'm like everyone that way
Yeah, I'm like everyone that way

All this is here for you
We float and make a mirror of you
Hey little one did you talk too fast
Hey little one did you try to take it out of my mouth

Sorry I knew you were on the phone
I roll my eyes and put in the back again
Would you make it about me
For a night and forever or I’ll love you in space
I’ll love you in thousands of miles

They make it about you and so will you
Choose to do what you choose to do
And choice is loss by nature it’s a scale
So be analytical weigh what you’ll gain

I can’t keep coming back here
Every time the weather seems frozen
And the dust is stranded in the air
The rain is confused about where to fall

I ripped my shirts down the chest
Blackened the lids of my eyes
And life never seemed hastier
And I put my face in the street

Did you take me with you when you left
And leave some pain in my place
Is that why I get so distressed
When they ask me what I’m gonna do next

They pile up in the dented wall
It was I who braved a tragic fall
Into the ocean that sparkles and bounds
Till you’re forced through the surface and drown

I know you’ll be back but not forever
I know you’re too dumb and too clever
They’ll fill you up until tomorrow
And then you’ll find me in your sorrow

I know you will
Hold me by my favorite tree
And tell me I’ll always be
The friend you want in your life
The one you’ll make your wife

sometimes
you can hear someone's heart
speaking
but you cannot
understand
what it is saying.

sometimes
you can hear someone's heart
speaking
and you grasp it
better than words
could convey
it feels so right
when this happens.

how often
I catch myself
wondering
what I am
supposed to get
out of this

he said
we were
going to be
uncomfortable.

I know the drumbeat
and rush
of my body
all too well
heart speaking
electric hands
utter joy
anticipation
and, as always, dread
of collapsing
this feeling never ends well.

sorry
if i embarrassed you
i was just
trying it out.

At moments like these
I lash out at the slightest little thing
That seems wrong
Can't help but to think of them as
Cruelties thrown into my face
By the stars.

sometimes it seems
that life
is a series of updates
our bodies need constant attention
our clothes grow thin
our relationships run the risk of fading out
a stagnant life
is already death.

jellyfish
and thoughts of
jellyfish
cheer me up.

you wonder
if you will
ever again
lay eyes on him.

your mother
is always with you.
you feel her
in the earth
as it
rocks
you.

you have discovered
that you care
what I think of you.

we jump in the water
the sea's full embrace
the sea of our bodies
free of time and place

we're waving like angels
from the end of life's crooked highways
dabbled with ghost stories

I watch you, I kiss you
I need you, I love you

I'm a drowning sailor
I'm a circus
performer
and I'm sailing through the air
a sparrow
dancing on a wind-strand
on the sea
on the jewel-studded carousals

we jumped in the water
or maybe we capsized (tough)
the sea in our bellies
we said we were doing well

we swiped like pirates
or flowers sprouting up from the sea
we raised our heads

I like you, I tell you
I need you, I love you

They divide us two and two
They line us up in rows
The catcher stands strong
While the other one falls

And I close my eyes and fall
Into the arms of strangers
What an exercise they say
What an illusion of danger

Till you stand behind me
And the instructor says ‘fall!’
And I stand strong instead
While they let themselves go

And beside me I am aware
All the bodies still as boards
Heaving through the air
While I move not a thing

And you say honey trust me
And then it sets in
And the awkward truth
That it’ll never be the same

however any situation goes
however important it seems
at the time
however afraid you are
just remember
whatever life takes from you
it always fills the space with something lovely
afterwards
your life will be full
it's okay to be scared
but as real as that feeling is
so will the feeling of complete wholeness
be.

The spirituality
of a Land
is something you can acknowledge
but not fully embody
when your head is full
like a city,
so I choose to believe
that the spirits of the Land
work with you
beneath your conscious awareness
bringing you closer
to what was already
there.

fade
fade out
I have
no idea
how it's supposed to be
real
unreal
shift in
and out
now will it only
fade out
now will we only hear
ringing silence
what will be remembered
was it once supposed to be
how will it feel
after our time
has faded out?

In Iceland
I once saw a rainbow
that seemed
temptingly close.
It graced its way
over the dark water
and seemed to land
in a pile of ocean rocks.
Full of foolish humor and anticipation
I braced against the wind
and ran along the shore
to seek it out.
Upon reaching the rocks
I found that the rainbow
had slipped
twenty feet away
in a seamless blend
of reflection
and refraction
and high light.

nobody
exists
for anyone
else.

thank you
for bringing me
up and out
once in a while.
you remind me
that laughter
is innate
in us all.

when you begin to believe
too strongly
that you control your destiny
you begin to feel like
you are walking a very thin tightrope
not everything is because of you
and some things are meant to happen
and so
they just happen
regardless of how you intend
you try to grasp something
and still it moves away
you become filled with dark doubt about love
and still love finds you
wraps its arms around your fear
so
accept the dark parts of yourself
that are difficult to accept
and accept the parts of yourself
that are angry with you
for not readily accepting
also, accept the world
as it flows in and out of you
do not be afraid to lose love
it always comes back.

Twist and reconcile
Abort and capsize
An abundance of wishes
Sparkling on the water
and in the water
and inside the water.

Lay me down within the summer
Dress me up in fruit
Pink cheeks, plump legs, saturated skin, crimson mouth.

Did you know you can have winter and summer, together?
Icy eyes and warm weather
Did you know the branches stay at the top of the tree?
Out of reach of lustful limbs that long to swing.
(You may be an artful dodger but you can’t dodge this.)

Trees bear fruit in the summer
Fruit springs from shedded jeans and ripens and grows rosy.

The trees will droop and the fruit will be digested by the ground
When you have eaten too much and grown fat the winter will come.

The cold will bring only hunger and the crunch of your warm head in the snow.

I would like to believe
that life moves
in a circle
instead of a straight line.
then I can
meet you again
in this life
or on the other side.

I did not fall for you
simply opened my arms
and allowed you
to fall into me.

I will probably hold them
all inside of me
forever.

try not to
compress
your heart
even when it feels
like the easy
or practical
thing to do.

we want
to feel
like we are
floating.

boys
bring some sort of
joy
to the surface
when they are
close
to me.
I don't know what
to call that.

I looked
for you
and found
everyone
else.

I like the way
we look at each other.

I am no longer
afraid of you.

my
world
has become
soaked
in you
somehow.