I am so tired
of being tired
of being scared
of not knowing
what I want
what I need
I am so sleepy
with it all.

More fool me,
For thinking I was a good enough person
For thinking I deserved to be loved,

More fool me.
I've spent all this time blaming you
For wanting nothing to do with me
But it's my fault
I ruined us when I did it

More fool you,
For ever bothering to give me a chance at all.

when you know, you know,
that's what everyone says
so I think I know, you know,
and now of course,
I am going to run from that
hard and fast
just because
I am on
self
destruct.

how torturous
that memories are
inextricably linked to people
things
entities -
how cruel,
that we are unable
to untangle them from
one another
with the same ease as
said entity
erased themselves from
our lives.

Confounded,
I don't know anything,
detached
from my
self
desperate
to be of value,
written,
******* words of *******
depleted
I continue to etch words on to paper,  
hopeful
of a reconciliation between my
self
and the words
I project.

Let me tell you a tale;
of a double-sided coin,
stating the obvious, I know,
but you'll want to hear this.

The first side is cold,
cynical to the touch,
it shies away from all affection;
pushes and pushes and
pushes until they just
go

The second side is hidden,
filled with warmth and feeling,
is in love with beautiful souls,
yearns and yearns and
yearns silently,
concealed by the first side

The reconciliation of the two sides
is what makes me write.