Everyone
calls me a cynic;
thinks of me as a fool -
for I do not believe in the reality
of soul-completing
story-worthily compelling
love

And I'm not sorry

Because
I know what I mean
and I know how I feel

Love is simply fictitious -
If it wasn't,
then one wouldn't
fall in and out of it
so quickly
No,
one wouldn't choose to hurt
and betray
and scare off
if it was real

And that's how I know

Smothered
by encompassing feelings
of doubt
and scrutiny -
knowing my failings,
losing my successes,
I'm struggling
to know what's
mine
and what's not
I'm trying
to be the best I can be
to rid myself
of the selfishness
that I hold
to be content
with my lack
of substance.

I'm sorry
that you wanted her lips
and not mine -
I'm sorry that I misunderstood
I'm sorry that I got
mixed up

It's not your fault;
that I'm fatefully attached
to anyone
who shows just an etch of
consideration
to my worthless soul

And I am sorry,
that I thought you might be my way out

Plagued
by the incessant beauty
of the moonlight;

Delicately destroyed
by the unforgiving kindness,
of the stars,
who continue to flicker
no matter what they face
when our back's are turned.

It is the beauty
and the kindness
of these things;
that make me weak,
for in beauty,
and in kindness,
there are no faults.

You swore you'd always be there,
That you'd never change,
Psychotic delusions,
playing through my mind -

You promised it would never dim,
That you'd never seek the darkness;
Remnants of a past self,
haunting through my soul -

You forgot, of course,
That you were me,
And I am you;
We are just different forms
Of this one particular life

You should remember this:
Life is but a story,
retold and
replayed ceaselessly

And it's okay to constantly focus on the road ahead
Whilst relying solely on your past self,
As long as you remember that they
are entwined.

Someone,
pressed their lips against my own,
a while back,
and
they were the first to do so.

Someone,
was as lost as I was
for a change,
and
they forgot a lot of it the next day,
same as I.

Someone,
has left me confused,
not in feeling,
for I know that
it was encased with inebriation
and not filled with regret,
merely delicately etched with it.

No
Someone,
has rendered me lost,
because before I knew I deserved nothing,
and
now I'm wondering why there's nothing more.

Someone,
took away my assurance,
that I would always be
alone
and has enclosed me
in a sea of doubt and hope
that I wish I could shake.

Scrambling,
Desperately seeking to return -
to the world I once knew,
the world once so familiar
now it's terrifying.

Lost,
Determined to retreat -
to a place I once loved,
a place where I once was a perfect fit,
and I no longer belong.

Frozen,
Seeking myself -
in a time where I was
confident,
strong,
fearless,
all qualities which have since been
stolen from my soul,
whisked away into the winter night.