Love is flung around,  
Everybody says it,
Everybody wants it
not me.

I don't want love,
Love is ephemeral,
Love is invasive,
It pushes everyone else away,
Makes you feel invincible,
Before ripping you apart,
Leaving you desolate and isolated,
With the remnants of your former self.

Tears cascade down my face once more,
They're never far -
Neither a friend nor foe,
I just wish I could hold myself,
Stand tall,
Push through it all,
Remain resiliant.

I wish there was a way
to deploy the emotion,
let it tumble from my ragged chest,
let the world fight my sorrow,
my tainted facade,
my lonliness,
my separation,
In the hopes of closure:
The chance to stitch my chest
And once more
Make it whole

If only I was different,
if the thoughts that encompass my mind
were different
were less,
then maybe I wouldn't be so isolated
Desolate.

If only I could show you
that somewhere within
I want all the things I fear aloud
I yearn for somebody to care enough
To push through the occluding ****
That I put up

I want nothing more
Than the  destruction of the isolation
of the desolation
that is worked through my bones

I always have something to say,
it's what I'm known for,
I speak with ease,
with fear,
with anger or frustration,
with anxiety.

I always know to speak,
whenever,
with whomever
I may come across -
even though it's true,
I sometimes struggle,
to stop
the words
as they tumble from my mouth
without a second glance.

I always want to write,
to use those words to
create pictures,
to allow interpretations -
alas, this seems to be the
sole time
that words
fail me.