Everybody says that they love me
That they've got my back
But I don't feel it so
I simply can't believe that

So lonely and cold
So drunk and so bold
Been so long since I've felt something
But I know this moment is everything

I'm so far from anything
So close to finding me
Breaking down and growing up
Let me sleep or fill my cup

You tell me to go
Say we weren't nothing
I should see what else is out there
Decisions based off imbalance
Yet I can't find the door
Pray that you'll love me some more.

Turn the page
Or burn the book

Re-cast the movie
Or become the villain

Sell my soul
Or live with who I am

Climb the mountain
Or beg at the bottom

Watch the sunrise
Or die in the dark

I used to think
The world outside my mind
Loved me more
Now I think
The world inside my mind
Just hates me more.

Being open
Has only brought judgement
Has only brought pity
Has only brought misunderstanding

Being closed
Has only brought silence
Has only brought loathing
Has only brought cynicism

Oh what to do...

I want to swallow pills
Put me to sleep yet
I can't even swallow the guilt

I want to hang from some rope
Couldn't tie the knot
Just to keep you close

I want to inhale car exhaust
I'm still choking on you
And your perfumes

I want to jump off a bridge
Just fall so slowly
But I fell so long ago

I may be a hopeless romantic
But you know that better than I do
You make me a cliché
And you do it just so easily
I don't know if I'm doing this right
But you know I simply cannot hide

Sometimes it's hard to be alive
I imagine somebody knows that more
Than I do

Looking out windows for answers
Only to be greeted by suicide
What is the point

Somehow the secret must be
To remember that somebody knows
More than I do

Don't say this is the last time

Don't let me become just a thread
In your ****** up tapestry

Don't send me into the wind
To become the ash of an old flame

Don't make this the last time

Up and down
Thrown around
Left and right
No sleep tonight

Side to side
I have to turn this tide
There and back
Its the strength I lack

I hate when you judge me
You were once in this hell
When the water was muddy
And it seems you've forgotten.

We swam in the clouds
You were once in this heaven
When you were so proud
And it seems you've forgotten.

Now you've forgotten
Now I'm so toxic
Now nobody wants me
Now I'm ******* rotten.

I wisheth to perish
To spareth mine own legacy
I wisheth to beest f'rgotten
F'r who is't I once wast
And not beest remembered f'r
The ghastly thing I've becometh

If you say
You mean it
Then I'll say
I understand

If I say
It was my fault
Then you just
Let go of my hand

I want to undo everything I've done
The triumphs and love
The sins and the downfalls
I want to have never been
I want to never be
You can't be forgotten easily
At least not from others memories
But with these suicidal thoughts
I know I want to be forgotten quicker

**** getting anything off my chest
This pressure to be anything
Is enough compression
**** trying to be like the rest
This normalization
Is enough suppression

I'll never be everything you expect
I'll always be anxious
I'll always have bouts of depression
I'll always feel that I'm not enough
I'll always want to give up
I'll always want the easy way out
I'll never get this off my chest

Pulling strings better than a puppeteer
Baby you know there's no way
Not any way out of here

You have me caught in this twilight
And you know there's no way
Not any way I can continue to fight

How didst I turneth
To this monstrosity
I am ev'rything
Yond makes me sick
I won't receiveth holp
So it shall beest up to me
To just p'rfect
This disease

Give me your praise
                                 I'll give you my days
Give me your demands
                               I'll give you my hands
Give me your sickness
                            I'll give you forgiveness
Give me your best
                           I'll give you nothing less
Give me your everything
                                I'll give you anything

I can't get away from you
You break rules and still
I keep letting you play
I try to shut you out
You beg and apologize
I keep on circling
And I have yet to realize
You're the drain

To Whom It Concerns,

When you find this soul
Please know it has been through a lot
I trust you'll take care of it
It's been breathing through a tube
It has seen valleys of no measure
Peaks with expert definition
Has spilt more in sweat and blood
Than was ever spent on it
So when you find this soul
Cradle it and treat it like it's new
It won't survive another beating

Cordially,
Yours

Everyone talks about
The thorns on roses
The bottoms of bottles
The wars of attrition
The sinks coated in blood
The tide that always turns
The pills on the floor.

No one talks about
The flower on top
The cork of a new one
The victories of wars
The mirrors holding pretty smiles
The ocean that is stunning and still
The tablets that aid in stability.

I used to always wonder why
I guess I still do but
I'm scared that it's because
The dark is more victorious.

I know you're mad at me
And I've been up all night
Thinking about how to
Try and make this right
Then it hits
I didn't do this
You did and somehow
I keep getting convinced
I am the one that has to
Provide the fix

It's the way you speak
About having your heart broke
That breaks mine
Knowing I can't help
And I just have to wait
Till you realize
I'm the one
That will treat you right

My eyelids are so heavy
I know I should just sleep
But with these ideation I have
I worry I won't wake
Guess a majority of me
Would be okay with that
Maybe thats the best way out
To just quietly drift into the deep

I take all of my sins
And bathe in them
There's no washing them away

And all of the voices
Remind me of everything
There's no setting them free

And all of my regrets
Know I'll never make peace
There's no coming to understanding

My body is no temple
Its been given out for nothing
Been a wide open door for calamity
Not to mention my abuse of it

My mind is no escape
Its been picked apart for everything
Been a sewage drain for misfortune
Not to mention your abuse of it

I am the illusion
Of the man you want me to be
And the delusion
Of the man that I see
Not sure of who I am
But I know I am not for you