You
Yeah you
With the insanely big eyes and head full of curls.
You drive me wild.

Your secret smiles to me.
Your winks and touches.

I try not to shiver, but I do.
You always win in that game.

I'll win one day.
You'll see.

Hey! What are you doing!
This isn't part of the game.
Get up!
No no no
Not on ur knee!
Oh
My
God..

That's a beautiful ring.

The fit is beautiful.

Walking down the isle.

The feeling of your ring going down my back as you undress me.

The feeling of our rings clashing as you hold my hand, this baby of yours is trying to break me.

I look at you holding our bundle of love.
You're shaking, scared of dropping him.
Your tears run down your face.
You're like a broken record declaring your love for me.
I stroke your cheek,
And with a smirk, I know I won the war.

The ocean waves crash against the sharp rocks.
The smell of the ocean is sweet and salty.
The air roars in my ears, harsh.
Looking down I see my future.
I see
I see
I see
Nothing.

I close my eyes and wonder,
When did I become gullible?
When did I become stupid?
Why did I believe so many lies?

I've been blind folded by rainbows and love.
I've been blinded by your mean smiles, thinking they were honest and beautiful.

Adults telling me that I am free.
Only to have an iron handcuff on my wrist and chains around my ankles.
Free?
There is no freedom here.
Not in my town,
Not in my house.

Surrounded by disappointment and lies.

Take a dee breath.

Well no more.
I will not be mute.
naive.
A doormat.

I open my eyes, the blind fold falling and crashing against the waves.

I see my future.
I see my life.
I see.

A poem is a poem!
Why is there a need for a title?
Silly little title.
Go away!

Poems are written deep within,
Is there a need for a title of your soul?

Poems speak what you're too afraid to say!
Why put a title on it!

Title, you may go.
There is no need for you to stamp me with judgement.

I say you my go!

Poems are what you want to shout. Express. Whisper.

Title you ruin it!

But

The title does let people know what it's about...
Maybe
You can stay little title line.... Maybe

The feeling of dancing around to no music is strong.
The feeling of wanting to draw a weird monster is strong.
Agh!
I sound like a bird?
Caw caw caw
Painting someone's face is making my fingers twitch with happiness, they asked for a tiger, I'm making them a fish.
Why not?
The feeling of digging my toes under my mattress is not the same as the sand, but close.
My fingers fly against the keys on my piano, closing my eyes I smile, it's ugly the music I'm trying to make, it doesn't make sense, but it does.
The feelings of cooking toasts and spaghetti, people wonder why, I say why not?
The world behind closed doors is colorful and amazingly vivid. Shiny and soft and beautiful, once someone sees it, the beauty stops, it's the rooms secret.
The feeling of making love to you're one.
In your dream.
The feeling of acting on purpose I see how others react
The feeling of creating chaos in the house.
My inside twist and turn and eyes glaze over.
Happiness hasn't touched me completely, but I'm trying.

Everyone around her laughs
She smiles on the outside,
But,
On the inside she's clueless
what am I doing?
what's going on?
Her parents think she is the sun
Her friends think she is the light
She thinks she's the rain, the calm before the storm
Her true feelings, trapped
Her true self, trapped.
She laughs in public
But alone she frowns
Her thoughts spin and spin and spin
Suicide
Depressed
Self harm
She closes her eyes and it's black
The color she feels on the inside.
How can I go out?
.......
.......
.......
The sun breaks through her shell.
Her eyes are blinded underneath her eyelids.
what's going on?
Squinting
She sees.
Her family and friends stare at her. Chanting and cheering their love, their appreciation towards her.
Her life is worth living.
She's not done living.
She hasn't even lived.
They take her by the hand and through there, through the tight bond they formed, she finds the light from her darkness.
Tears come down and she laughs.
Never has she felt this.
Overwhelmed, she starts breathing quickly.
They stare at her with concern.
Her heart constricts painfully.
Can you die from being too loved?
She smiles and feels at peace.
Sirens
Yelling
Screaming
Sobbing
Crying
She stares at them,
don't cry she whispers.
Everything stops.
She takes one last breath and smiles.
Outside
You see her body go slack
Her heart no longer beats
She no longer breathes.
Her house is quiet.
Everyone trying to be quiet,
Tryin to be secretive,
Trying to decorate the house with balloons and cake and hats.
Everyone giggles thinking she's going to be surprised.
Happy birthday.
No sound
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Silence.
They open her door.
Sirens
Yelling
Screaming
Sobbing
Crying.

The mind, my mind, betrays me.
No longer am I happy.
Sick.
Sad.
Mean thoughts,
run through my mind.
Headaches are too painful to stay awake.
I no longer smile for me.
I no  longer am free to think what I want.
My mind takes charge
problems
sadness
unhealthy.

Help me.
Someone please help me?

A tiny voice whispers to talk.
Talk to someone

I ignore this.
no one will listen.
I will be institutionalized.
Committed.

Help me.
I am a slave to my depression.

I look up at the sky and see red.
I look at the grass and see black
I look at the banana and see purple.

What?
The sky is not blue!
Pfft! Green grass! nonsense!
That banana... that one that is on top of the pink table, is yellow! LIES!
That table is brown?! Now I know you're crazy!

Eyebrows furrowed
Pursed lips.
Aching head.

No.

Don't tell me what's what!
Stop telling me what to think!

The sky is red.
The grass is black.
The banana is purple.

No...
Stop...
Please...
Let me be....

What's that scary machine...
It's hurting my head...

The sky is red.
The grass is black.
The banana is yellow.

The sky is red.
The grass is black?
The banana is yellow.

The sky is blue.
The grass is green.
The banana is yellow.

I sit in class a stare ahead.
I don't think.
I don't act.
I don't ...

I am a good girl.