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Aurora Nov 2011
Hatred.
Your voice makes me cringe.
Your face makes me wince.

Turn around
Stop looking.

Name calling
Faces made.

You smile and laugh at me.
My body turns red and I feel red.

It makes the fire spread.
....

1 dream.
1 very stupid dream...
What does it mean?

An innocent kiss that isn't real.
A powerful and strong hug that is just my imagination.

Why...
when I think of you...
I smile?

This is crazy.
I'm crazy.

Uh oh...
The same dream tonight?
Why am I smiling?
I hate you.
Why does my stomach flutter thinking about you.
You disgust me.
Leave me and my head alone... Get out of my dreams.
....

You're my prince charming,
but in reality,
you're the villain.

Laughing an evil laugh,
Laughing a beautiful laugh.
No.
No.
No.

Go away.

*stay
Mine. Thank you.
Aurora Oct 2011
Am I a joke?

I look around
my family is
laughing at me.

When I am myself...
They hate me.
They question me.
They ignore me.
I'm no one.

When I'm someone else...
They love me.
The laugh at/with me.
They hug me.
They want me with them.
I'm not ignored.

Who should I be?

I look to the right and see
clown shoes, wigs, makeup.

I look to my left and see
converse, sweaters, journals.

To be noticed or not,
by my family?

......

I finish tying up my shoes and look up
to the mirror.
I want to cry.
The wig itches,
Clown shoes are uncomfortable,
Make up makes me look ugly.

When will I stop wanting love from my family?
When will I stop yearning to be noticed by them?
When will I get to be me?

I am pathetic

**Open Curtains
Mine, thank you.
Aurora Oct 2011
I feel your eyes.
Following me.
Watching me.
It makes my belly tingle with anticipation
Will you come to me?
  Will you buy me a drink?
Offer a smoke?

I sit on the far left side of the bar.
The band that is playing
makes the whole bar sway
with its trumpet and saxophone.

Soft cold fingers,
glide up and down,
circling,
my bare back.

"Hello."

His voice is rich and masculine.
Deep and musky.

I feel a tingle in my belly again.

Turning my head a little
I smell sweet cologne,
my lips part open.

"May I buy you a drink?"

I cant talk.
I nod instead.

Gin & tonic.

The night plays on
with flirtatious smiles and winks.
Laughter and light touches.

I burn when he touches my hand,
neck,
cheek.

Will this go on?
I look around and notice
the bar is basically
empty.

"Come home with me beautiful"

The night continues on
and as I take a cab home the following morning,
I touch my lips and smile.
Do I regret last night and this morning?
No, no I don't.
Will I ever regret it?
I took out a smoke and lit it,
No, I don't think so.
Mines. Thank you
Aurora Oct 2011
Dull life.
Boring routine.
Sleep.
School.
Eat.
REPEAT.
I glare at the repeat button in my life.
IS there a way to destroy that button?
...
Sleep.
School.
Eat.
REPEAT
...
Standing on my toes,
I reach up,
with a bat,
to destroy,
that button.
...
Obsession is unhealthy,
I can feel it in my bones.
...
Sleep.
School.
Eat.
REPEAT.
....
The tip of the bat,
barley touches it...
C'mon, you can do it
Encouragement makes me falter.
I fall.
...
Sleep.
School.
Eat.
REPEAT...
In the end...
In my dreams...
when I sleep....
There is no routine,
and I am me.
Mine, thank you.
Aurora Sep 2011
end
Your tears mean nothing to me.
Your gifts mean nothing.
Your "I'm sorry" are heard by deaf ears.

LEAVE ME ALONE

you said what you wanted to say.
I don't want your words.
You did what you wanted to do,
the actions hurt me.

Is wasting your time fun?
Is wasting my time entertaining for you?

LEAVE ME ALONE

Your whispers and kisses are nothing.
YOU are nothing to me.
You will never be something to me.

You thought you could play with fire?
Guess again.

You're done.
I'm done.

IT's done.
Mine. Thank you.
Aurora Aug 2011
My chest begins to burn.
My head begins to hurt.
Is this our final goodbye?
I close my eyes
You hug me with all your might.

Please don't go.
Please stay.
My heart can't stand it.
It's breaking.

A kiss on my lips,
A kiss on my cheeks.
You kiss my tears away.

Throat closes,
as broken sobs erupt from me.
Please....
Don't.....
Go.....
Mine. Thank you
Aurora Aug 2011
Looking around,
I see four walls.

I close my eyes and imagine.

Being free is all I want.
Being me is all I have.

Yells and crashes wake me.

I am stuck.
Jailed in my own home.
Forced smiles hurts my face.
Forced laughs hurt my chest.

When can I be me?
when will I be free?

Looking around
I see four walls.

Looking around,
I see a window.

Looking around
....
I found my escape.
Mine. Thank you
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