i am only an egg
i am only a rug
i am only a bud
turning into a flower
i really like figs
simplicity is magic
word is bond
NOWORDNOBONDROWON
this is to you, September Eleventh
and you, Reverend Donald Green...

Listen to this Lady
She's talking Jabaca
right now. right in there
is an envelope i made.
i am only an egg
i make mistakes
I miss steak, my mistake
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals
I am a vegetarian
Because I hate plants
Will you please piddle-paddle away? Or at least turn off looking up to my Jhorts?
never go full dumb with Marissa Golden
never ok to be
kicking dogs in the face.
Are you ok?
MMFWCL? woop woop?
we are all so powerful, Ladies!
We are also powerfully ******, Ladybird!
---are you my mother?

crooked eyelash
gnarly, toothy
snookie snookie
with a grin like chocolate suckle
that is smooth sangria down the throat
artichoke belt buckle
enjoy the comfortable finale
"forget i'm filthy, from the alley"

chicky? chicky! are you sleeping?
i have been for 16 years
dreaming loads of lovely fellows
strong enough to show me tears
i have wasted the best of charms i've ever tasted;
the stairs fall down beneath my heel

i greet your frowns
my toes on the line
i drink with a hunger
from a gallon of wine
encourage the blur
allow the feel

do they think that i am beautiful?
do they think that i am real?

cherubs chuckle
bellybuttons tingle
fearsome fangs sink into speedy intuitive youths
brainwaves command bodies
advertisements command brainwaves
they quickly capture the attentive child
melancholy *******
thinking deeply
and eating mcdonalds

i like where we're going, we're in the same book
but right now we're not on the same page.
we're young and we're ruthless, it aint entertaining
i've experienced much at this age

you push and i pull
then i push and you stay

the corners are dogeared
the pages are yellowed
the cover is filthy and stained
the bandages wrapped up around the old volumes
are ready to be torn away

you push and i pull
then i push and you stay

i'm walking, you're watching
i'm kissing your fingers
eyes kiss lids then i kiss a ways
i kiss all the lips off of state store products
so that you won't ruin my day.

you push and i pull
then i push and you stay

so you're hanging up others' dresses?
well i'm still hung up on guessing
how much to give and to take
you catch my eye,
i blush and i shiver.
look at this fool you helped make.

now i push and you pull
then you push and i stay

i am an actress
according to my uncle
my ma and pa were not wild
he called me peaches as a child
he views life through the lens of foggy imaginary bifocals
he says god sent me to test his faith
i suppose as devil's advocate
he looks me in the eyes
and laughs
and asks how much they pay me

i once saw him during a trip
he may have appeared obsessed with the maryland rails
but he also may be wildly pursuing a withheld pension

he will introduce himself as henry VIII
but that is not the name my mom-mom gave him

flailing arms in air
as we revolve around the sun
the devil
works to hide the god in us
via panopticon

it took thunder for me to notice the rain
the fates thrown in my face
it took lightning to spark my sense of pain
i tossed caution to the wind
and kept close watch out for the cause
wondering what fool would want to break this train of thought
off track, i digress
and must come back
to ponder what i see
i sauntered sadly into a pool of light
too late for a punchline...

to see the fool is me

many men will tell you
from the womb to your tomb
that if you act upon your instincts
your soul is ******* doomed
_________
one must not be selfish
although one only has the self
one must not indulge
or else your *** will burn in hell
one must not revere false idols
although heroes may be idolized, case in point: saints
one must live selflessly
and aim for heaven
one must suppress all aggression
and so we are aggrieved by oppression
_________
when you are in your coffin
a minister may wander over
saying "oh, he was a good, hardworking man"
remembering your wage
the alms that bought his car
and his pension
remembering your children who will continue the cycle
epitome of parasitic
from your father's ***** to being funneled in an urn
you are the host.

shivers of black
velvet heat
on my pillow. cases
of frustration
licking filth til skin is raw
licking skin til raw is numb
distract the mind from agony
ebony eardrums
rolling purrs and howls, so demanding
fear aggregates into flexed claws,
teeth bared.
to witness such simplicity is to the likeness of a gaze
into a baby's eye.
fragile and innocent
but pinning my feeble wrists.
i raise them to a beast
to surrender to the animal
that i may sleep.

Police siren screams
   Man sings a bar of
Star Spangled Banner
   Land of the Free
& the brave subway screech
   makes me wana holler
      ...like Marvin Gaye did

serpent tongue lashes. frantically,
the fool might say it is but a snake licking.
rage froths from under covers.
below sheets, anguish breeds with frustration
towards the self and distant lovers.

feigned empathy matures when nurtured.
then it is apathy
successfully disguised
as silent understanding.

on my feet, i assume the ground is beneath.
then the eyes meet another
who is also standing
but who seems so far above

and transcends me.

I.
i am the gruesome ghost
in the basement of your brain
grieving
for all the tries
it's still. the same
for all the eyes
i meet
i still feel strange
for all the hands
i'm still. untouched
i look for genuine embrace evermuch
and i am unmoved and i am here still
i have no control
and i am alone and i am brain- ill.

II.
I've been like this since you rejected
Please understand that I'm not using my Great mind
I'm unusually off-standish
I'll be inside, if you're looking for me
Don't pretend I didn't try
For that instant we were both
Not alone alone
For that instant we were both
Alone together
But it didn't pay to try.

a servant of Dionysus
drunk on such a draught
that influence never can fade
O, put tenderness in such a melody
to ease of this parade
which marches like a venom through the vein
O, sing to me a lover's tune
that i may not remember
and loveliness sit in my heart
january through december

fingertips on back
tracks following the prints
of kisses planted neatly
offering silent hints
breathing in the scent
of our raw human perfume
which cannot be replicated (or bottled)
beyond the walls of our room

longing to brush the soul
if even ever-slightly
i beg for embrace
but connection once like mail
is now broken
closest comparison being the unity of pads of feet
the soles touch physically when souls cannot

Wintry bellies full of remorse give birth to forgiveness in Springs
unnurtured fledgelings hop around unable to use their wings

only i can get me higher than this lowest place
but i imaged you held that power
no sanctuary, no saving grace
what's yours is yours
what's mine is ours
two hands i have
three feet away
too weak to reach
you see right through me
i can't forget your scent

I
steep & sheer denial
juts from tender kisses on the breast
i offer this lament
rehearsed until my soul is laid to rest
Failnaught!
i shoot 7 flaming arrows toward your chest
only my lackluck
would will each one to miss you

II
my heart is seeping sweet sappy kisses
my brain was washed ashore
the sea had granted all my wishes
Goodcall!
3 rings?
i say "best wishes to you, my Wizard"
yet i wield darkness in your way
to emulate my own lightless blizzard

A wounded Lamb
A crippled Hand
I offer & hope you will grasp
Well, when I recuperate
This Hand will rejuvenate

I will become a woman
But I will still be your Lamb

i am waiting for the strings to pull
i am waiting for the phone to call
reluctant to admit that
you are the one behind it all

i chose the kiss over the bruise
i like to think you let me choose
one thing over another
unaware it's all a ruse

i would prefer you damage me than i, you.
i know i am suited to bear sorrow
on your behalf i am unsure
the worse pain is when the wound is nearly healed
when one must at last tear away the bandage and feel
the harsh sting of cope.
beyond the initial burn
there is hope.

CHRISTMAS MORNING IS SMOKE IN OUR LUNGS