Every word gets me closer
Each answer draws me near
My sand is falling, crashing, piling
In the hourglass of my tears

The pile is quickly growing
Postcards and letters by my bed
Each day they harass and heckle me
Clouding up my head

Torn apart and bleeding
Wounds never seem to heal
Every time my plans are set
Emotion breaks the deal

This is getting rather old
And my time is running out
I sign my name and slam the cover
Terrified by doubts

SometImes I wonder
if you ever knew, exactly how happy I waS,
WiTh you

SometImes I wonder
couLd you ever see, the joy in my eyes
When you were with me

Sometimes I wonder
if you can recaLl, the days when Summer
Turned into FaLl

SOmetimes I wonder
if I'm still your muse, or if you'd sing for me
The way you'Ve used to

SomEtimes I wonder
what the hell happened, now to You I am
Only a has-been

Sometimes I wOnder
if you still think of me when you walk past that
StUmp in the cemetery

Yesternight, I drank much ***.
Suffice to say, it was much fun.
But today I pay the awful price,
Of a dented wallet, and swollen eyes.

I was recovering, and breathing alone,
Abandoned in a cold place.
There was no hope, and that was okay.
But that's when I saw your face.
And you made me warm.

A soft voice with a welcoming tone,
And gentle, jolting eyes,
We stood outside in the winter weather
And your breath crystalized.
Yet you kept me warm.

I feel the explosion in my chest,
when I feel your eyes on me.
I'd live a thousand lives in wonder
Just to see what you see.
Do I make you warm?

But that's when you kissed me on my lips
And the ice began to fall apart.
Mister Furnace melted the iceberg,
And he melted my heart.
**When he kept me warm.

Would you stop for a minute
and lie down by my side,
look up at the stars with me
beneath this blue night sky?

Would you tell me your story
your secrets and your fears
and trust me to keep them safely
as we peel away the layers?

Would you take me as I am
hurts and tears and all?
and seal each scar with a kiss
help me stand up when I fall?

Hold my hand and walk with me
I’ll stay forever by your side
hold you when you stumble
lean on you when I’m tired.

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
   13.12.2012

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish

there was a boy
who got all he ever wanted
one day,
all of a sudden,
out of
nowhere

and then he sat there
with his car
and his house
and his job
and his wife
and he thought:
now what?

and his wife told him
to have kids
and so they did
but when the kids
were born and
grown and
gone
he turned to his wife again
and said:
now what?

and his wife told him
to retire and move to florida
so he retired after
thirty-five years at his company
and moved to a shack
across the street from the beach
(because he couldn’t afford
a house on the beach)
and as he sat one night
looking out at the sun setting
he would turn, again,
to his wife and ask:
now what?

and she told him
to just enjoy all that he had
all that he had done
to look back on his life
and smile
and so he
did

but before bed that night
he turned to his wife
and asked her with all
earnest:
now what?

and she told him
to go to bed
because that’s all there
is to do right
now

and that stuck with him
it was all he could think about
he stayed up thinking about it
all night in fact
and when his wife woke up
she found him out on the front porch
sitting in a plastic chair
watching the sun
come up

she didn’t think anything of it
and didn’t say anything about it
but something had changed in him
something that took him three weeks
to figure out
because that is when
he turned to his wife
one last time
and asked:
now what?

and she told him to answer
his own **** question
for once

this shocked him
and made him angry
so he barked back
that she’d always
had an answer before
where were they now?
where were all those things
to be doing now?

she didn’t know
and his yelling brought tears
to her eyes so he left the house
and she sat their crying
for a bit until
she could pick herself up
and go work on her knitting
until he returned

the boy drove through the sea-side town at twilight
and he could look into the bars and see
dozens of young people drunker than sailors
singing songs completely off key
and genially enjoying whatever
they were doing right then

the boy then drove to the pier
and parked his car ****-eye
across three spots
and got out and walked
across the rickety planks
to the end of that bridge
to nowhere

there he looked out towards the darkened sea
and he could see nothing

not a ship
or a lighthouse
not a buoy
or a feature in the
sky

and there he stayed until the dawn
enveloped him and other souls
began to inhabit the pier

he returned to his car
pulled it out from across three parking spots
drove it out of the parking lot
away from the town
and out towards his shack
across from the ocean

once home
his wife came to him
saying she was worried sick
saying she could barely sleep
saying where were you?
oh god, where were
you?

nowhere
he said
I was nowhere
and for the first time
I finally felt like there wasn’t anywhere else
to go

what do you mean by that?
his wife questioned

I don’t know
he responded
I really don’t
know