caroline: Poems

caroline Nov 2015

"tell me to stay one more time, that if by
tomorrow you're gone you'll remember
me by the love we share tonight, tell me
you can't do this alone, that you don't
want to do this alone. tell me you can't
let go either," i begged.
and in your hesitation i found my answers.

i just wanted you to tell me to stay

what do you know

caroline Feb 2017

what do you know

i can't wait to get away from you, because you light a fire in every part of my body..... but not the good kind.

"whatre you thinking"

caroline Sep 2015

"whatre you thinking"

i thought this, with all your weight pressed against me, that i cant stop seeing the stars and constellations in all your moles and freckles, in all the marks that make up your body.
and that i cant ever stop staring at your hands because i cant ever stop imagining all the ways you touch me with them, and that the way they grip my body is my favorite thing they can do.
and that the change of your eyes in the sunlight reminds me of the change in us, how once we were nothing more than best friends trying to figure out the world together, but here we are now kissing underneath your bedsheets.
im trying to forget everyone else and all the responsibilities we have to do, because i feel special when im with you, and i want to focus on trying to figure out what makes you, you.
the whole best friends being together was a good decision

while you were gone

caroline Jan 2016

while you were gone

i promised myself id stop writing about
you, stop writing for you, but every chance
i get i scribble down every first we had, and
all the last. i stopped paying attention to the color of your eyes, along with your hands, and the way your teeth show when you smile. although, i still remember every detail, every scar, and bump.
it's been months since i last saw you, but today i thought of you. if you want honesty, i don't think i was ever in love, but something in me likes to believe i could have been. it's been months since i last saw you, and ive finally learned that not everyone you love you're meant to be with, that love can run deeper than just telling each other you do, and sometimes it's then that you realize you don't.
i hope that you still think of me, when you
see flowers on the side of the road, or look over at your passenger side. someday i want to know how it was when she touched you for the first time, and if you saw me when you closed your eyes and held her close. tell me about when you started smoking again and tasted me in every cigarette, how each night you woke up sweating because even in your dreams you couldn't get rid of me.
yes, i hope you still think of me, because i do still think of you, but i hope you've moved on. i always wanted better for you, i always wanted more. you were my fire, but also the rain that put it out.

white jeep

caroline Dec 2015

white jeep

lately, i catch myself living
but not really being alive.
and i knew he was going to do it,
i ******* saw him,
but i didn't slow down,
and in my head i didn't care
wether he hit me or not anyways.

yes there is bags under my eyes

caroline Feb 2015

yes there is bags under my eyes

wake up.
breathe; inhale, exhale.
repeat until you become nonchalant.
wash your face.
look into the mirror and tell
yourself you're ******* great.
even if you don't believe it.
tell yourself that today is your day.
even if it feels the complete
opposite from that.
then, brush your teeth.
go for some coffee.
even if you hate the taste.
smell it.
realize life is total ****. (sometimes)
start your day.

not a poem but i needed to get something out

you.

caroline Aug 2014

you.

you claim to know me. that you
can see through my fake smiles and
hear the stutter in my words when i
try to cover up what's wrong,
(i never was a good liar) but if that
was true, why can't you see that i
am as broken as the shattered
glass in my bathroom floor?

i know i am dangerous,
but i promise to bleed with you

you always answer my 3AM calls

caroline Jul 2017

you always answer my 3AM calls

when i was five, and didn't feel good, i'd run to my mother to hold me and make me feel better.

i'm eighteen now, and i let my mother rest when i'm sick and in pain, because now, it's you i want to hold me through the night when i can't sleep.

you always had a thing for brown eyed girls

caroline Jan 2017

you always had a thing for brown eyed girls

im glad our eyes are the same color,
because if not, id probably want hers.

you and i

caroline Sep 2017

you and i

i'm always sad
but for the wrong reasons
honestly i don't feel anything anymore
and every night we sleep together it still feels like we are a hundred miles a part
so i've been trying to figure out
why doesn't happiness stick around for us?

you caught me

caroline Apr 2016

you caught me

i saw her lips moving,
the music was loud, but her voice was louder.
and even though i couldnt hear it,
i could feel every syllable.
and even if i couldnt understand a word she was saying, it was enough to just be there.
because she's taught me
it's not always about what's going on in the moment, but the moment itself.

you'll never see this, but..

caroline May 2015

you'll never see this, but..

you know,
something in me wishes
we were still friends.
to tell you how happy i am now,
and that my mother still doesn't
pay much attention to me, but
that things are better.
you could tell me too how life is
going for you, and id listen.
like i always did, at 4AM, when
we both knew we needed sleep.
you know,
i don't think about you often,
but tonight i did.
and something in me wishes
we were still friends.

young at heart

caroline Jul 2017

young at heart

just for tonight.. come sneak in my bed. like my freshman year in high school, when we were both too young to care about the consequences

just for tonight.. come wrap your arms around me and tell me everything that hurts, and everything that makes you feel alive. like the night your ex girlfriend kicked you out and your mom had already locked the front door.

just for tonight.. come kiss me until i give in to you. like the night i told you i didn't know what to do, or where to put my hands, but you undressed my skin and made love to my soul anyways.

just for tonight..and every other night*.. fall in love with me again. like the kids we were three years ago. like the kids i know we still are.

you're welcome

caroline Jan 2018

you're welcome

i don't want an apology
i don't need a half hearted smile
because you feel obligated
i don't want your pity
i don't need you to feel sorry for me
because believe it or not
being hurt isn't new to me
i just want a "thank you"
that's all
for loving you
when you least deserved it

— The End —