Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Aug 2014 · 1.4k
homecoming
caroline Aug 2014
i never understood what it felt
like to be at home, until you held
me in your arms. and my love,
*i am homesick.
Aug 2014 · 599
maybe
caroline Aug 2014
i feel like maybe if i keep writing,
no matter this distance between us, you'll hear me.
i am somewhere between feeling empty and feeling whole and i really don't know how much longer i can miss you
Aug 2014 · 642
7:04 AM
caroline Aug 2014
for three days my body wouldn't let me wake this early.
(even i wouldn't let myself
wake this early
)
i couldn't face another day
without knowing where,
how, you were.
now, i suppose i can thank the knowledge of knowing you are safe, and doing decent, for allowing me to want to stand up to reality.
that the day my mother ****** us didn't make you do anything irrational.
and every dandelion and 11:11 i will continue to wish the sun watch over you, and moon protect you, for me.
my dear, the war inside myself is finally at peace.
Jul 2014 · 530
rambling
caroline Jul 2014
"just friends"
harmless. innocent. right?
although the voice inside
my head whispers and
persuades me otherwise.
              because i also never forget how
              we once were "just friends"
and i also know "just friends"
seems to run deeper with someone
you've once called a lover.
                
             please know, im sorry :
understand that it's difficult to see
past the past of you two, and trust
the future you present and promise
to me everyday, when your actions
don't comfort me as much as your words seem to.
caroline Jul 2014
"the ones you love,
you hurt the most"
as if it's okay, because you're doing it out of love, right? it's okay to break them down, piece by piece until all that's left is broken fragments of the girl who once was, because it's out of love, right?

"the ones we love, we hurt"*
but you took "hurt" to the exact definition. and you gave no mercy.
i always thought the ones you love you don't dare ponder on harming, because they are everything delicate and everything you spend so much time building up.

so what is it you felt for me?

your hands bruised my body and the scars have made their home on my skin. still your words remain engraved into my brain, always reminding me i will never, nor was i ever, enough for you. and each night your kisses goodbye apologized for you and i was reminded *"i didn't mean it"
more
than you ever reminded me you "loved" me.
i realize now that the monster you transformed into over our two years, was always there from our first "hello."
and there it will always stay.
*i just hope something in her
doesn't make you want to hurt her
out of "love," too.
Jul 2014 · 402
11:12
caroline Jul 2014
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry
                i know being with me is more
                         trouble than loneliness is
Jul 2014 · 294
losing game
caroline Jul 2014
"if you didn't care, you
wouldn't say what you say,
do what you do, write what you
write. so see, you care. you need
me. tell me im wrong..
i dare you"*

i guess that's what frightens me
the most.
how much i really *do
need you.

and i hate how quickly you figured me out. how easily you crawled up and broke down every wall i built up. brick by brick. as if they were never cemented together in the first place.

i fight myself to hate you but i am finding it more and more impossible.
(kissing your lips was always easier than pushing you away)

funny thing is, i don't hate you.
not even the slightest bit.
because i am madly in
love with you. and i gave up
the fight long ago.
you win.
Jul 2014 · 516
July 10, 2014 - 19:06
caroline Jul 2014
i miss you like the water misses waves.

no, not like that.
not like anything.

i miss you madly.
that's how i miss you.
my favorite e.s
Jun 2014 · 618
still, you are here
caroline Jun 2014
have i seen her since?
i haven't
although i see her everywhere i turn
everywhere i go
and in everything i do

yes i miss her and it hurts like hell
but i have to let my body feel this
Jun 2014 · 383
9:47 PM
caroline Jun 2014
i can't hold you responsible
for kissing my soul when our lips touched, nor for my fall that followed.
i was the one who let you in, even under the circumstances we were in.

but one day i hope you see flowers, look up at the stars, and are reminded of me. i hope you continue to write on pieces of paper you find, and never doubt yourself. i hope one day you are inspired to write about our first hello and last goodbye. write about the marks we faintly left upon each other with every touch, sinning in the most beautiful way. write how at one time you fell too, and did not try to stand up. **write how you tried to love me, how i wanted to love you, but we never could.
Jun 2014 · 716
silly girl
caroline Jun 2014
my ribs are doing that jerky
breathing thing again
and im not sure if it's the smell of
your perfume that's suffocating me,
or the replay of memories that are
still creeping into my brain
whispering in my ear "remember.."
pulling on each string of my heart
ripping and tearing it apart

the memories i spend over 15
hours a day trying to shove into the back of my head and forget,
i stupidly keep writing about
Jun 2014 · 1.1k
fall in love...
caroline Jun 2014
with someone who's
comfortable with your silence.
someone who doesn't need words
to understand, or the sound of
your voice to hear you.
someone who admires
your makeupless face and
skinny fingers, along with every
bump and scar that has made your body their home, too.
someone who doesn't see all
your flaws as imperfections,
but simply as more to adore.
someone who doesn't need
your words of permission to
know when to kiss you,
or require your arms stretched
open to know when to hold you.
be with someone who grows you
and allows you to spread
your wings to fly, always trusting
that you will come home.
someone that appreciates who
you are and never lets you give
up on that, pushing you to
succeed in your future even if
they aren't any part of it.
someone who makes even the
toughest of times seem hopeful,
and the problems of the world vanish with just a hold of your hand.
*fall in love with someone
who doesn't just kiss your lips,
but your soul.
Jun 2014 · 522
wasted time
caroline Jun 2014
"why would you spend your time writing about the things you are trying to forget"*

which is what im trying to figure out;
if im actually trying,
or just going through the
motions of "trying."

every thought of you consumes me
and the smell that lingers on your body still hangs around between the sheets where you laid,
unwelcomed.
all i can think about is your ******* fingertips and how you touched my cheek before you left,
telling me it was okay,
when in reality, it never was,
nor will it ever be.

oh but how i loved your sweet lies of
"one day..."
"one day it will be better"*
though it seemed as if better
went on a vacation and
never planned on returning home.
Jun 2014 · 750
SMS
caroline Jun 2014
SMS
sext : *let me write a poem
on the insides of your thighs..
with my tongue

— The End —