with you sinking down next to me
i found it hard to sleep
so last night i stayed up and watched
the whites of my eyes turn green

will you visit me
under the willow tree?

i tried to see you
but the strings make my hands raw
and the ashes burn my skin

mixing benadryl and cetirizine leaves me in a hazy dream

now times passing through me

why cant i feel myself moving?

irresponsibility
you are dear to me


you are why i dont mind sleeping in the back seat
of my car
in early march

the parents of indifference and anxiety
have taught
apathy
it has been instilled in me

emily doesn’t like my box of coins i bring everywhere

i dont think she likes my antics
i dont think she finds them endearing

but it has been instilled in me
irresponsibility

couch locked
my teeth are feeling rotted
and i’m sick of all the nothing on your face

katie tried to find a dentist
but i can’t stand the taste of metal

my gums bleed while we drink boxed wine

i want the night to stick around

so i don’t have to keep finding new sounds

that i like

i’ll just end up sleeping all day

trying to avoid the pain

it’s been almost a year

things still feel the same

the more i lose, i still grow taller

till the last one falls

and then i crumble

i think i love you
but i’m messed up and sick
maybe i don’t know what love is
you tried to teach me
but i’m impatient
i don’t know how to listen and i talk for days
about nothing in particular
just trying to keep your gaze

it’s exactly what you think it is
it’s 2pm
i’m drunk again
and i feel so alone in my throat

i’ll get sick
and lay around

make some ramen
then leave it out

get so caught up in the warmth
and wonder why i never feel it

i havent seen the sun since last weekend

i should really go out
but all this snow keeps me confined

that’s my comfort

all the things i’d do if it wasn’t so cold

if there wasn’t this much snow

i’m a leaking bottle of bleach

i’ll lie down and stain everything


i’m lonely and bummed

and i deserve free ****

my heels are raw and bleeding
my mouth has been cut up

i’m so sick of being the girl lying in the snow
crying on the side of road

you live in fear
your empathy will empty you

you’re so ******* sour

i wonder if it hurts
i wonder for how much longer
i’ll keep picking you flowers

in july i tied flowers into crowns trying to get you to love me

in may you gave all your crowns back to me

and now ill never like the 5th of july

my teeth still shatter in my dreams

your sound is a dull empty ache

but ill still pick you handfuls of flowers

just in case you decide
im really not a waste