I tried drafting a poem about the dyed daffodils perched against my window and I was even going to make a half-hearted slant rhyme for "daffodils" with "windowsills" but my slanted heart gave way because suddenly the flowers appeared so artificially tacky, so stupidly hopeful with birthday glitter dusted onto their unnaturally painted petals as they tried their best to soak up some sunshine though outside it was an ever so naturally unnatural temperamental March day coating the green grass with snow flurries though the weathermen expect nothing short of seventy tomorrow so the cold coat seems jarringly out of place like a good intention gone horribly wrong and I couldn't help but think, and think, and think

We never fit, did we?

there's nothing poetic about it.

(but i'm sure i'll try anyway)

Candelabra rusted over --
Steady rolling winds --
Emotionally burned out.

Do you remember that Wednesday afternoon three years ago
When we made a fruit tree by stringing together store bought bananas on Christmas lights
And tossed up our sunny masterpiece on sycamore branches
Sick of more dead winter
Sick of unsproutable seedlings
Sick of Patience, the Godliest of virtues?

Tap! Tap! Tap!
I’m sitting a few feet away from the leaky faucet.
Perhaps the faucet is clued in on the old adage that persistence pays off
So it presses on, presses on, presses on…
Marching to the beat of it’s own drum
But this drumming sounds too much like hollow dripping,
Like how I imagine the IV’s medicinal potion entering into your veins to sound.

Tap! Tap! Tap!
Your mother’s fidgeting fingers are dancing nervously on a People’s Magazine
She’s thumbing through pages but her face is fixated on the clock
Mentally counting down the minutes until your surgery is done
Mentally noting the ironies of a Waiting Room trying too hard to pass off as a careless bubble of distraction.
After all the room reeks of hospital cleaner laced with some derivative of a citrus scent,
And the television is left talking to itself like some incoherent patient diagnosed with insanity
And it reminds of her of an article she perused so long ago
Which read something along the lines of “if you hang out with crazy long enough, you’ll become crazy yourself”
And for a brief moment, she was comforted

Tap! Tap! Tap!
The doctor politely knocks before entering,
Everyone raises up to surround him,
But I stay physically stay affixed to my seat
And mentally float back to that faraway memory
Where we sprung into action
Combating the cold
With the only acceptable weapons of choice:
Bright lights and Yellow bananas.

When I met you,
everything insignificant
Sang!

Soap bubbles
blew me melodies,

Nail clippers
Tapped to the tune,

The leaky faucet
Splashed a symphony!

When I met you
For the last time,
I took a wrench to the neck
Of the racketing faucet.

Retrospectively, it was always a nuisance.

The night I got stuck climbing up a tree
You couldn't stop laughing from the forest floor
And seven feet below you looked like the size of a baby badger;
A baby badger who was now in charge of saving me from my stupidity.

You called the fire department
And said a human confused herself for a cat
So was stuck up in a tree and therefore
In need of a local newspaper headline rescue.

With the height advantage
I saw three firetrucks rushing down the road
Epileptic lights bouncing off the empty pavement
And yelled down to the baby badger
"You made a scene for no reason!"
Only to have the baby badger yell back up
"You ARE the ******* reason!"
And I swear I almost fell from the topmost branching
Laughing with my whole body in motion.

Three minutes later I was surrounded by an unnecessary amount of red
"What the hell is going on?" questioned the Fire Chief
Amidst all the official uniforms and bustling bodies
All you could think to say
"Sorry officer, we binge drank the moonlight."

I know I'll never have Alzheimer's
Because the look that overtook the Fire Chief's face
       Cracked his professional facade
       Transforming it into an all too knowing smile
Will forever be etched on the inside of my eyelids
Embarrassment and hilarity relived every blink of an eye.

Orange rinds and coffee grinds
Take me back to easy Sunday afternoons
Playing chess with former churchgoers in your tiny café.

I met a man who didn't believe in God
But instead put his faith into the Queen
"She protects" he'd say after ousting another piece of mine
"He forgets" he'd mumble as an afterthought, directed at no one.

But as it goes one fateful day
Student surpassed teacher
And didn't think twice about killing the Queen.

As if a bomb detonated just within the cappuccino brown walls
The chessboard flung against the wall
Causalities flying in all directions
A porcelain blood bath.

He left in a hurried huff
All owl eyes all snapped in my direction
I sat frozen -- shocked.

You broke the trance
Kneeled down to pick up the fallen Queen
Placed Her Royal Majesty in my right hand
Placed a free coffee on my table.

The café resumed it's normal character
Scattered chatter and newspaper shuffling
I took a sip of the burnished brown liquid
Tasted a hint of bitter citrus
And came to conclude that there exists a distinct conflict between
Power and Empathy.

I’ve discovered the secret to life!
But, it may not be the most likable knowledge,
And, it definitely does not fall under “small-talk-poetry,”
Yet, it is known that everything-worth-knowing was once considered hideous.

What am I?
I’m human,
like you.

Like you,
I’m human,
What are we?

We are cells,
Cells made up of molecules,
Molecules made up of atoms,
Atoms made up of protons and neutrons and electrons.

Electrons…
The lightest charged particles,
Electrons…
Who weigh 1836 times less than a proton,
Electrons
Found a way to rebel.
Electrons
Repel the nucleic core.
Electrons
Push boundaries.
Electrons
Create space.

An atom is mostly empty space.

All of me is composed of atoms,
All of you is composed of atoms,
We are mostly empty space.

We are just reflections
Of this Universe
Staring back at each other.

I wrote a sonnet to the Sun
But it went up in flames.

I etched the ashes on your heart
But your cool blood froze over the remains.

Disintegrated words
Disgruntled author
Disjointed worlds.

When we found out we weren’t the Center of the Universe
It shook the core of our collective selfish selves.

We called the findings blasphemous
We charged the scientists as heretics
We realized we were less than specks of dust
But worse off because metacognition is unrelenting.

After all these years
The stars remain indifferent to our presence
But we study them all the same
Doting them like a school girl obsessing over a secret crush
Extrapolating their composition while they don’t bat an eye
Humbled at the horrific beauty:
A lonely planet orbiting all too busy universe.

Though you’re as amorphous as the smoke I puff out, you’re much more toxic and I can’t seem to exhale you out of my system as easily.

Your name gets caught in my throat.

Everytime.

I write your echoes
In chalk and not in etchings
A shield for my heart.

Mark, my best friend,
Gifted me cheap fine wine
For my 20th birthday
But didn’t think to bring a cork *****
So like any other underage college kid
We banged the bottle
Against desks
Against bed frames
Against arm chairs

Pop!

Success laid in stabbing the stopper
With an unassuming pen
But pressure had built up
And purple still stains my ceiling
Our accident ******* painting
Our unintentional Michelangelo memory
But created with unrivaled passion –
A combination of desperation and anticipation
A testament to the trials of truest friendship.

Scoffing you wrote up
The fortune teller to be
82 percent ******* and
18 percent insane.

But clairvoyants exist -
They’re people who
Realize the future
By looking to the past.

Fortune tells time and time again
That the answers we seek
Have already been taught.

You’re like quicksand —

The more I struggle to move away
The faster you drag me in.

To gain your support
I’ll have to learn to relax.

She used to do spectacular things quietly
But there’s no more spectacle hidden up her sleeve –
Says she’s worn
Says she’s over-worked
Says she’ll fade away like a passive shade of gray –

Can’t remember the last time she felt

Worthy
Or
Beautiful
Or
Held

Says her heart is a broken grandfather clock
She simply can’t fix to chime at noon –
Says maybe she’ll be setting her own pace
With a refurbished cuckoo tune that sounds a lot like
Letting love waterfall in –

Her laugh is hollow
Her goal too lofty
Her eyes imprinted with skepticism
But for her sake, I pray Time is in her favor.

Her wrinkles marked parentheses around her lips
Where her smile used to be
Her wrinkles haunt her like ghosts
Happiness a distant memory.

He knew exactly what to tell her
To kiss her fears away
But I’d like to remind her that
No matter how poetic or well-spoken
Words are feeble and hollow
Until action takes place.

The steady hum of the radiator
Is now our only constant.

Your angry heart is coursing blood so quickly you’re colored red,
Thumping so audible that the dog confuses the tremor for an earthquake,
He’s barking,
You’re barking.

My own has shattered into such a sadness that it is skipping beats
Akin to the now wrecked records splintered on the floor,
They’re past scratched,
I’m past scratched.

The radiator didn’t acknowledge the war,
The radiator stayed as steady as a surgeon’s hand,
The radiator didn’t realize we needed to cool down,
But, oh, how I wish that heartless thing did.

At best you’re a rusty melody
A lyric gone foggy and distant
But don’t fret my poor lovely
I’ll  tune you right back to existence —

We’ll take on the world one song at a time,
We’ll pour our unconventional love into our rhymes.

He’s disembodied
Lives solely in his head —
His dance is chalk against a board
His feet are autopsied and tagged “dead” —

Science is
His beacon
His faith
His love
His life.

But what good is just a mind full of formulas
When not mindful or exposed to other arts?
Appreciation stems from sentiment
Making subject hierarchy harassment.

Reincarnation teaches
Empathy for all past beings.

Don’t apologize,
I was you once
I understand the distance you travel —
To you, sacrifice comes natural
To you, break downs are routine
To you, hope is expressed through help.

You encompass an almighty humanity.

I let the bananas rot on purpose because I knew that would bother you
But unlike every other time you aren’t here to store them properly
Or hurriedly down them before slightly bruised turns totally expired
And I’ll confess a pathetic truth –

Since you’ve left I’ve been so lonely
I look to the company of fruit flies
But the bright yellow has blackened
And there are still no signs
Of even the most minuscule life.

So I’m left wondering if anyone’s ever sued another
For stealing everything alive…
My heart,
My soul,
My ******* fruit flies.

My desk is splintering –
     Each time I go to pen a poem
     I end up with pinpricks and in pain
     Wooden needles dwindling my thoughts into half nothings.

But wearied words keep bubbling in my brain –
     Like fermenting fine wine
     Dazing my work with stray sounds
     Their dull fiery fury only serves to slur my speech.

The page is inked with nonsensical rambles –
     An unedited outlook of my inner mind    
     A canvas confettied with crap
     Everything was purer as a blank slate.

I destroyed us
To salvage me.

Before accusations fling
About that being a selfish thing…
I had to get out with a shred of sanity.

         Remember when storm struck
         The sturdiest of ships
         Refuse to anchor lifeboats.

Let’s let it go
Let’s let us breathe.

        It’s time to d r i f  t   a   p    a    r    t .   .  .  .

My heart is on pins and needles
But I can’t seem to shake away
That certain sleepy shivery state —

It’s stuck ruminating on you.

Internally icicled
I’d knit myself together
But the frost froze my fingers
So there unravels my fraying heart.

Light a candle
Leave a prayer
Let worries fall away

Any problems hope will handle
And darkness wouldn’t even dare
Absorb you when the night’s gleam rivals day.

The house shifts and sighs trying to settle into place
But it’s impossible to get comfortable
With all those stomps and smashes beating from inside
Like a cracked heart pounding against a proud chest
Trying to forgive and forget but instead fettered to emotion
Unsurprisingly the house only knows how to creak.

Champagne soaked apple pie
And socks tossed aside
I sank into the over-cushioned sofa
Watching the Day come to a calm end
Knowing the Night missed your excitement.

The sincerest words
Laced in darling decadence  
Could not even dream to do justice when it comes to
Penning down your laughter and painting in my blushes.

Since I met you, I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how to write.

Lemon grass tea cupped on the cool porch,
Though the young eyes are barren beyond belief —
The young eyes are glazed over with ghosts —
She is wiser than her single digit years.

Fingers run coconut oil through her tangled hair,
Humming a sweet sounding lullaby,
Her mother silently swears to bring back
The twinkle that was taken away —
But she fears that once familiar spark of curiosity
will only ever gleam during an evanescent dream.

Today marked the first time
I used a pipe cleaner

For its actual purpose 

And suddenly

A simple action

Turned momentous.

I found the furred wire

In an old box of crafts

My mother had saved
From elementary school projects.


As I prodded the pipe

With the cleaner that was only ever
Supposed to be used
To bend into bracelets,
I couldn’t help thinking of you.

I used to only find kisses 

In cartoon form:
Stickers attached
To the backs of coloring books
.

My greatest childhood love?
Flipping on a flashlight to
Devour my latest book
Well past my bedtime.

So clean,
So pure,
So bliss.

So scrubbing away resin
Feels akin to washing away sins
Because like Adam and like Eve
Somewhere along the line
I lost my innocence.

Time stops
when you
text.

Tea is so soothing
Like a mother in a cup
Whose simple touch heals.

Like my old sweater,
You cloaked me in words but let
My emotions pill.

Raindrops do not drown
When they hit the rough ocean -  
They add to madness.

Like autumn rains
You surprised me
And I got caught in
Your gusts of color —

So I outstretched my arms
Embraced the cataclysmic chaos
Jumped into piling leaves
Adding my own imprint
To the rusting gold collage.

Every morning before school
My grandma would cup exactly
Five almonds into my palm
And with her signature smile
She’d beam proud wrinkles
And she’d steadily say:
That’s heart and brain food
That’s what you need to eat
To get ahead in this man’s world
That’s nature’s secret medicine.

And six years later
I’ve kept up the almond habit
Turning it into a thing of tradition
Toasting her words because
She taught me the most important marriage
Is between my passion and knowledge.

I once killed a man.

Slew him with a joke
He laughed so hard that
He choked on his own spit
And drowned in the pooling salvia.

He died happily though,
And, in the end, isn’t that all that matters?

*** & Coke secure,
We sat back and
Scanned the surroundings:
     Dingy room? Check.
     Dancing candles? Check.
     Dark humor? Check.
Elements all in place,
We were officially ready
To conduct our séance
Off a twenty-dollar Ouija Board
Hot off the presses from the
Local Toy ‘R Us.

As silly as it seems
We felt a tad closer to you
Especially when we asked:
“Why’d you have to leave so soon?”
And you simply signed back:
“Because applesauce, man. It just ******* exists.”
Inadvertently proving the profound:
There’s **** in heaven, too.

We’re no fortune tellers
No time travelers —
God isn’t whispering His
Distant plans into our ears.

We’re just hopefuls
Speculating our futures
On 11:11 wishes
& fallen eyelash kisses.

Next time you see a shooting star
Harness its magic
Soak in that you’re made of star-stuff
And don’t you dare close your eyes
To breathe out another fruitless prayer.

Fingertips kissing
Out of tune piano keys
Music is music.

Cliff diving off of Saturn,
Catching a ride on the back of a comet,
Passing red dust and celestial clouds,
Crashing and burning into an ambiguous atmosphere,
Sounds a lot like LSD,
But feels more like loving you.

Chapped lips
Remind me of
Cracked concrete
And how you’d say
Step on a crack and
I’ll never come back!

Except a tree branch
Uprooted the sidewalk
And I fell forward and heart first
Hoping you’d catch me by the shoulder
But you stood true to your word
Because by the time I looked up
I saw your shadow slink away
I sat with scraped knees and
Contused love.

We made a fruit tree
Stringing store bought bananas
On sycamore branches
Sick of more dead winter
For even the freshest snow
Coated Creation’s color
But the brilliant yellow
Brought us back home
To our sunshine memories.

Hair tossed up
Tongue stuck out
Fingers curled and
Foot tappin’

It’s poetry time.

I woke up next to you,
Watched your balanced breathing,
Chuckled at your tousled hair,
But the only difference was
Where I’d usually trace the words,
I love you on your back,
I typed them into instant message,
Got up,
Yawned,
Stretched,
Rubbed away eye crusties,
And turned off Skype.

When I paint you against the canvas
Forgive my amateurish brush strokes
My eyes are dew from rolling mornings
So while you’re blurry and out of focus
My focus is consumed in capturing your fingertips
***** from digging into the fresh Earth
Your green thumb growing grubs
Overrunning manicured lawns
Gentle reminders that the land is free and wild and strong
That we don’t trample it like mighty giants
But instead it bears our burdens
That Atlas is just a myth because
Not even the most supernatural man
Would withstand the weight of the world
And the harsh truth is he’d busy himself on enslaving it.

They say that when it rains it pours
But at this rate I’d like to request God
To send down a divine dove to Noah
Asking him to rebuild an Ark
But maybe this time leave behind the bees
Because I’ve been stung too many times
And haven’t tasted the slightest drop of honey.