Somedays
All I can do is
nod my head
mechanically.

Other days
I can’t muster
the strength
To just maintain
That simple motion
Because one more
methodical nod might
Snap my skull
From my spine
And I dream of
At least dying happy.

In just seven steps, you can find out:

• How to make the best scrambled eggs
        [pepper ‘n love]
• How to improve Scrabble scores
        [suffixes are our friends]
• How to buy a house
        [budget before sealing the deal]
• How to think like Leonardo Da Vinci
        [infectious curiosity and commitment]

But despite the obscene amount of time,
I spend scouring and scrolling,
I can’t seem to stumble upon,
The part of the Internet,
That has the instructions,
To keep your heart happy,
While keeping my mind sane.

Perhaps the sadness and insanity,
Will be a welcome change,
Allowing us to rediscover each other,
In the most honest light.

You spat me out
Like stale gum
Left stuck on the sidewalk.

What’s worse?
I still would’ve been content
To be trampled by the sole of your shoe.

Had I know that yesterday
Was the last time
I’d have the chance to hold your hand
I’d never let go
I’d squeeze your carpal bones
So close that they’d snap
Built pressure bursting blood from your fingertips
Seeping onto my own skin
A subtly violent fusion
That would still hurt less
Than you walking away.

Pirated movies,
Kicking soda cans off curbs,
I’m a lame rebel.

I held you tightly —
The pressure cracked your ribcage
I loved you too much.

Lately, I’ve been dating myself:
Beaches,
Bars,
Bookstores,
& Bedrooms…
Self care superseded structure,
I’m the happiest spinster,
Because for once,
I’m myself.