doa - Hello Poetry

doa May 2018

i've kissed so many people trying to find you in different bodies

doa Apr 2018

later on

months ago, i wrote poems about how i would do anything for you, how i want and need you, how i longed for you, how you caused both the puddles of tears on my pillow and the joy in my heart, but not anymore.
you have exhausted me.
you have crushed me.
you have drained me of all mental and emotional energy.
i have grown to know my worth, i have realized what i deserve, and this is not it.
i do not want you anymore.
i do not even wish to tell you all the things i wanted to, since you've probably heard it all from another girl,
all the talk about how you will always be a part of me, how i will always be there for you, and so on.
i hate how you're everywhere i turn, i see you in everything.
i hate how you took over me even in my dreams,
i hate how you didn't value me enough,
i hate you for making me feel like i am worth less than what i really am, i hate you for being the cause of my breakdowns, i hate you for not caring about me more, i hate you for so many things, but i do not hate you.
i hope you grow, i hope you learn, i hope you mature, i hope you find happiness, i hope you become more aware, and i hope you one day realize what you lost.

doa Mar 2018

the start

a dream would be an understatement.
i remember so clearly how his eyes stared into mine as if they were connected to one another by a link.
i wanted more than the physical aspect of it.
i took advantage of the moment we had in silence, just us, no one else, no distractions, no issues.
he kissed me and my mind ran into a million different directions.
there is no doubt that i enjoyed every second of it, but i wanted more than just that.
i imagine that our lips felt the way two clouds do when they merge into one.
when i pulled away, i put my arms around him and i held onto him like a child holds onto a blanket they cannot sleep without. i clung to him as if i needed him the way a flower needs sunlight,
only he was not sunlight.
he was an eclipse in my mind. he occupied it and he controlled it with no notice, he destructed me with no intention to do so, but behind that darkness, there was a beautiful light,
a light that would be responsible for my smiles and joy and sleepless nights,
a light that gave me positivity and a sense of being important.
in that very moment, with my hands around his torso, and his arms around my smaller body, my only wish was to stop time.
to be in that moment infinitely, to hear his heart beat only, and to feel our bodies press against one another, to have him all to myself in that moment, for it to be only our minds and bodies,
that is the moment i want to live in forever.

doa Nov 2017

power

all it takes is a kind word from your tongue of knives to spread a smile across my face,
a warm and engulfing embrace to make me feel at home,
a certain look and laugh to be the cause of my happy mood.
if only you knew all the control you had over me, maybe you would be more careful with my delicate heart
but for now, i cannot blame you, for you do not know
you don't know how my heart erupts when you say my name,
you don't feel how the energy that radiates from me when i'm around you could light up a nation,
you don't see how i smile when our memories cross my mind,
you don't hear the words i express when i speak about you.
i have never seen myself like this around anyone, and i have never seen any one else like this when they're around a special someone.
i wish you knew how badly i want to be near you, just for a moment, to lay down next to you and pick up the pattern of your breathing while you stroke my back and tangle your fingers in my hair as we speak about our fears and pasts and regrets and secrets.
it concerns me all the things i would give up for you, but i cannot help it.
when you are with me, my worries and sorrows and emptiness all melt away and boil down to a blissful peace

doa Nov 2017

my dream

my love for him consumed me, and not in a gentle way
not in the way one wants to imagine love in the sweet and pure form of happiness it is in the movies, but in a way that occupied all my conscious and unconscious thoughts, leaving me restless and in need of him, even though i could never have him
i am given a million reasons to walk away, but just the slightest reasons, like the way i feel when his arms wrap around me, give me reason to stay
or maybe it's the way his smile is brighter than any star this planet has ever seen,
maybe it's the way my name sounds when it rolls off the tip of his tongue so effortlessly in that voice that i love so much,
or possibly any other of the million small things that magnetically pull me back to him no matter how much i try to leave
all he has to do is ask, and i will do anything for him
i will make the stars dance for him
i will make the mountains shake for him
i will make the oceans split in half for him
i will take away all the grief in him and put it on my own shoulders, for i cannot bare to not see his beautiful smile
if only he would open his eyes wide enough to see what is right in front of him
if there is one thing i can wish for, it is to have him in my arms,
his head would rest on my chest, and his arms would cling around my waist the way a child clings onto his mother,
our heartbeats will be synced and all other sounds in the universe will be ignored,
because in that moment, all that will matter will be our two bodies connected as one.
this is my dream.

— The End —