9/2

The leaves rustle in the breeze and it reminds of the first time I met you.
I saw you climbing the tree in my yard and I asked you what you were doing.
"The leaves make prettier music in your tree," you said, "and I want to hear them better so that's why I'm up here."
I never understood what you meant but it has been 6 years since I last saw you in that tree and I have yet to hear sweeter music than that of the leaves.

A 16 year old girl falls in love with a boy whose only aim is to get his fill and throw her out like last week's Chinese.
She is destroyed.
An 18 year old girl decides that "having fun" will make her feel less hollow and gives herself to any guy that shows interest and lays in bed at night wondering when the fun starts.
She is destroyed.
A 21 year old girl feels that no one will ever love her enough to want to marry her and that the other side of the bed will always be empty.
She is destroyed.
That girl is me.

1 think about you
2 cry
3 cry some more
4 feel okay for a short amount of time (probably 10 minutes or so)
5 think about you again
6 contemplate whether I should call you or get *******
7 do neither
8 cry some more
9 convince myself I'm totally fine without you
10 repeat

If I were to meet the devil after I die
I would tell him,
"I'm not afraid. I've already seen hell."

I would develop a drinking problem if I knew the solution would be at the bottom of every bottle.
But each chug would be another reminder that my life has gotten to the point of having to get ******* drunk just to forget how your voice sounds when you say my name or the color of your eyes or how ******* bad I crave you.
I'll just have to find another way to forget.

At first my tears made me even more sad
because in that moment I knew it was the beginning of the end.
Then my tears made me feel numb
because all I could do is cry.
Now my tears make me angry
because no matter how many fall from my eyes
I'll never get you back.