The pain in your eyes,
your voice breaking as you speak,
it breaks me inside.

You've seen so much hurt,
experienced so much loss,
known so much heartache.

You are so **** young,
you should be so innocent
and yet, you are not.

She lives in a world of lies and shattered pieces
Constantly telling herself that everything will work out
That it will be alright if she can just hold on
When she knows in her broken little soul
That the only thing that will mend is the hearts of those around her

Truly she knows how deadly her mind is to herself
The fake, comforting, band-aid thoughts that fill her with dread
Taking over when she's alone and crying
Those white lies that she almost believed in
The one she almost trusted, stabbing her in the back

The delicate rose inside of her withering away with dehydration
Life being ****** out, replaced by a poison of the worst kind
Doubts filling her head, clouding her judgement
Forcing her to do unforgivable things that she'll never forget
The thorn in her side pushing her again and again

They say you need to bleed to know you're alive
And although she has bled, she's still not sure
Wishing it was all just a nightmare, a lie of a dream
Again with the lies, she'll never get away
She runs and runs but they always follow her

All around her she sees the broken pieces of herself
Reflected back at her sobbing figure through cracked mirrors
Lighting bouncing off and hiding away
Hiding from the girl who sealed her own fate
The girl who knew what she was getting into but couldn't stop

The girl who is me
--

she met him by chance, she had another
he fell in love, but couldn't take her from the other
she told him her problems, her deepest thoughts
she had been broken, thrown away as if she were nothing
she had so many scars, so many wounds
she told him everything, all she had ever felt
she fell in love and didn't even know it
he still loved her
she came to him crying, her other had been terrible
he held her, didn't let go, shielded her from the world
she realized the truth and gave him a chance
a chance to be more than just her friend
he made her so happy, brought her up out of the ditch she had been in
she trusted him so much more than anyone else, ever
she hated herself, but somehow still loved him
he tried to convince her of amazing things, tried to tell her
but she couldn't believe him, she wouldn't
still, they were happy, they had each other
it was better than any fairytale, better than any story
it was all too good to be true
a year passed, still they loved each other
she had more valleys, but each time he brought her to a mountain
he loved her like no one ever had before
she began to like herself just a little
she tried to be happier for him, wishing it was enough
she tried to be the woman he wanted
but she couldn't, she wasn't made for that
she told him, said they needed to take a step back
he agreed but they didn't change anything
it was all too fast, they went too far
but neither could bring themselves to stop, to change
she cried, day and night, he was supposed to be there
she sobbed, he should have been drying her tears
he said he didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to cause her pain
but she knew it was too late
she kept it from him, wouldn't tell him the pain he had caused her
she tried to pretend it was all okay
but they both knew the truth, it couldn't go on like this
so she tried to tell him
she tried to explain herself, her mind, her thoughts
he listened, he was there, but she felt like he was always distant
she felt that he was never telling her everything
finally she found out he had been lying
everything he had said, everything he had done
none of it had been for the reason she thought
she cried, she sobbed
a year of her life had been one big white lie
she knew she would never get it back, the time or the experiences
the firsts, the bests, they would never be hers again
he asked for forgiveness
but she couldn't give him any, so she told him
he kept asking, but she didn't budge
she couldn't forgive a liar immediately
she felt everything else to do with him had been a lie
all of it, dripping like syrup off his lips
so she put it off, for another time
she just said to wait, and maybe sometime, she'd have it in her
maybe she'd be able to love again
maybe not, but she had to try

I am done just surviving,
done keeping my head just above the waves.
I am done with fighting to just get that little last breath again.
I am done just making it another day,
done just being okay.
I am done lying just because it makes things easier.

the words you said
the things you told me
the messages I believed
now, nothing but a lie
a dying flower in the fields
an arrow soaring towards my heart
a pair of mockingbirds just copying each other
all this time, it's all been a lie
the looks you gave me
the wonder in your eyes that i had come to believe
the piercing lightning of your touch
now pierces my heart, my brain
I don't understand it, how could you do this
who could be so cruel to lie
for months on end
saying one after another after another
never ceasing
you ask for forgiveness
you ask that I don't hate you
but I can't right now
you dropped a bomb on me, you destroyed me
everything I thought was true
just a little white lie
breaking me, killing me
hurting me more than any words ever have