I'm good at not talking loud enough and ignoring the people I care about and sleeping too much. I need reminders that you don't hate me on a daily basis. I worry you'll forget about me and find a girl with prettier eyes and warmer hands. I wish the taste of smoke in my mouth would go away, but it's not and I don't know what to do in this body anymore.

I tricked myself into thinking you were sunlight and I was a flower but you are not a star and this world is not a garden and I am a human soul who needs more than warmth at night and I do not need validations, you do not validate me you do not keep me alive. It took to long to know this but I am not a flower and you are not my sun, you don't decide when I get loved.

You are probably going to break my heart and I am definitely going to let you.

You are everything to me.
You are the stars I look at before I go to bed. You are the paper I scribble on at one in the morning, and the pillow I lay my head on far too  late at night. You are the cold and rainy days I always wish to wake up to and the warm bed I never wish to leave.
You are the poem I could never write, you are the aching in my bones and the pounding in my heart and I don't think I could be the same without you.
You have no idea how much this scares me, because I think I'm starting to love you.

I stood frozen in horror as you set your bedroom on fire, tearing apart your favorite shirts and breaking picture frames. The smoke curled up towards the ceiling and you looked at me like I was a car crash unfolding before your eyes. You drove us to the river, silent and white knuckled the entire way. You sighed when we got out and put a rock on the gas pedal. I tried to take your hand as we watched your rickety car sink into the sunsets reflection, but you pulled away and said you couldn't bear to hold onto one more thing that just wouldn't fix itself.

I fell to my knees begging you not to go, but you just looked me in the eyes and said "within you is everything you need to be happy" and left me crying alone in the doorway.