When I ask you not to leave me I'm really saying sorry for getting too lost in your eyes and my head to notice you slipping away.

When I'm begging you to love me again I'm really scolding myself for letting the best thing in my life fall through the cracks I should've patched up a long, long time ago.

When I tell you I need you I'm really saying I wish I could turn back time and stop being so selfish so I could make you as happy as you deserve to be.

And when I tell you I'll be okay I'm really asking you to wrap your arms around me and whisper I love you in my ear until I don't even think in my own voice anymore.

I keep catching myself thinking about his voice. The way he used to whisper I love yous into my hair in the middle of the night. And I'd look up into his eyes and smile, feeling so much more safe than I ever had. The way he would laugh at the silly things I said, rolling his eyes with a little smile. His soft snores as he would fall asleep next to me, almost like a lullaby. Now I could never fall asleep without them. I'd trade the world to go back to that just so I could record it all and put it on a cd I could replay when he inevitably left.

I held onto you a bit too tight the last time we collided, I think I could feel you floating away. I can't help but lose myself in your eyes every single time I look at you and I just want you to wake up tomorrow and remember the way I fit perfectly in your arms. Just kiss me one last time like my lips are the air you cannot breathe.

From the beginning I told myself not to fall for you, but when you held me you'd slip in through my cracks leaving pieces of yourself in my head and my heart until they exploded and little slivers of you danced in my bloodstream every second of every day.
But I love it. I don't care how much it hurts. I need you under my skin, I want your love. I want all of you.

Falling for you was a lot like getting drunk. It all happened so fast, I didn't even bother to slow down and think about the consequences, I just wanted to feel good and you made me feel so good. But things got out of hand and before I knew it I was wanting more and more of you, taking shot after shot until I could hardly stand on my own. Contrary to popular belief, alcohol won't keep people happy, and more often that not it leaves you laying on the bathroom floor trying to pin-point the moment it all went wrong. A lot like love. Now I'm just hungover, not because I fell out of love with you (I could never do that), but because I can still feel you inside of me. There are knots in my stomach and a constant ache in my head that won't fade no matter how many pills I take. There's hardly a difference between this and an actual hangover, except I'm going to feel like this for a long, long time.

When he says he doesn't love you anymore don't look around like you're waiting for the sky to fall. Take a deep breath and keep your eyes steady. Whatever you do, don't look down. Stare at a spot on the wall if you can't bear to look at him without losing your composure. Don't let your hands fumble for something to hold onto. Ball them into fists and ignore the urge to cover your face. Don't hide yourself from him while he breaks your heart. Turn your expression to stone and listen silently while he makes empty apologies. Don't scream, don't ask why, and please darling, don't ask him to change his mind. If he ever really loved you he wouldn't be doing this. He doesn't deserve you. Restrain the angry, betrayed side of yourself. Let it tire inside your head, don't let it out, it will only make things worse. Hold your tongue when it begins to plead "don't leave me alone", don't give him any more power over you. I know all you want to do is wrap yourself around him and hold on for dear life, but you can't do that. His arms will no longer hold your broken pieces together so you better start to learn how to do it yourself. When he gets up to leave ignore the empty feeling in your chest and the knots in your stomach. Don't chase after him, not even to lock the door. When you hear him drive away shut off your phone and take a deep breath. Turn on the shower and get in. Wash your hair and cry a little bit, then have some soup and go to bed. When you wake up the next morning don't call him. Go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and understand that you are enough. Take a break from dating when you realize you look for parts of him in everyone you see. Don't kiss another boy until you know you won't picture his face when you close your eyes. Maybe in time the two of you will find each other again, but for now you need to take care of yourself.