in the night that shadows my gloom
encouraged by whiskey, cigarettes
and the seeking of an empty room.

****** me,
give me no promise of tomorrow.
hurt me, use me, tell me something untrue.
hit me, choke me, pull back my hair
unwind my body
untie my mind from there.
cry for me, bite my lip
grind me from the side
trace my hip
tell me im **** then tell me im wrong
this fragile notions ive foreseen for so long

times will change and time will pass
now, its time for me to get over what couldnt last
i know you look at me and see her aching stare
but this is the night you needed me
and i finally didnt care.

little yellow teeth
stained by years of coffee and cigarettes
layered like sedimentary rock
wire brush mustache
on a face that betrays his years
a reflection of a potential that went unrealized
such an angry man
even his words are burdened
with equal parts guilt and rage
"do as I say kid"
"because I said so"
he must view himself a tough, strong man
despite being an upper middle aged diabetic
possessing a physique
that calls to mind a woman in her third trimester
his bitterness, his depression, his emptiness
permeated every layer of life
imagine a son
who grew up confused, frightened
not knowing when, how, or why
a display of aggression would occur
wildly disproportionate to whatever perceived transgression
my sins weren't fictional, i needed better representation

a one-by-two
a measurement of lumber
wrapped in athletic tape
an display, a warning readily available
a disciplinary tool for any occasion
when broken across my ***
a lesson was given but rarely learned
we never communicated then
we barely speak now
if only for the lack of something civil to say
should platitudes serve as a father and son bond
then our collective stubbornness is worth a mention
if blame needs placing
and i was taught this behavior
can i learn to forgive and love
such a below average model for God?
right on cue
his catholic upbringing screams in my ear
and my irish rises
an irish familiar to him
the only thing we share
he could have kept that to himself

It’s all a bit of a dream
Don’t you think?

Nothing’s ever certain

And once you know something
It’s all crystal clear

But just wait, soon
You’ll begin to question, wonder
Possibly forget
And be back at square one

So what should you build from there?

Well
I have a house
That’s a **** good place to start

Cement goes into the cauldron
Goopy soupy and delicious
It bubbles of beginnings, and permanence

As it boils and squeals in the background of the world that surrounds
Me, I drift off into space

Who knew a few random fumes could get you high!

I see a dancer
A girl in bright blue torn tights, with a boy next to her,
and a friend
She’s a good student
But
She gets terrible grades

And there’re flowers all over her bed
You could call her a bumblebee the way she wraps her self
In them and inhales
Softly

She never cries
Well not that often
And when she does she regrets it

Things aren’t too serious with her

Depression, adhd, death available,
Verbs and adjectives far too strong
She can taste manipulation

People throw things around in her world,
And she’s been programmed to throw back
It hurts
With each hit her opponent brings to the rink

She often wonders if it’s all that bad. Tough, in a lonely sort of way

But every now and then
A breeze rolls on by
With a window
Always open


Honey, black tea, paper
Blurrrr


And it’s back to the grey soup of the day

But the spoons getting harder and harder to stir
Time’s running out

What is there that could possibly change?

A few things unlock this path… but which one should I choose?

No sé
No sé no sé
No sé

I should be me…

But honestly


Who am I?

It seemed like a good idea at the time
Clear liquid with a scorpion, asleep
At the bottom of the bottle
But oh how those feelings creep
Up, blurred and spun
As people turn to ghosts
And shadows start to run
Towards the music, loud, so loud
And I lose faith in my feet
Swept up in the crowd
Mouths and bodies meet
And sweat drips down, down
My neck and I’m dizzy and twisting
By the records, by the fire
And inside I’m not missing
That loss of desire
For once, a mental break
The one-night vacation
I needed to take

I hear the cold creeping in through the floorboards
Wasting away with words
My insatiable  curiosity with be the death of me

There are boys throwing a ball in the road
My cat is staring at me
I don't have any answers

I keep searching for love, honesty
Though I'm not a very honest person

Motivation only comes in pill form now
Make sure someone else isn't telling you what you want

Feed me
I am a bottomless pit
Feed me your soul

In the end,
Mars is just a rock.
A rock covered in sand,
Made of worn,
Rusty,
Iron.

That said,
It can't control me.
Only I can,
And that's a point of pride.

I sting as much as I will,
I pinch as much as I will,
And I'll sleep in your sandals
As much as I will.

Thankfully,
I often choose to be benevolent.
Only I can choose my morals,
And that's a point of pride.

I may be passionate,
I may be persistent,
Obsessive,
Loyal,
And manipulative all in one.

But I am that and more.
If Mars is meant to restrict me,
It has failed miserably.
Can the same be said
Of it's rusty sand?

I watch as the moon
drops it's drip-less venom
into the clouds,
poisoning the sky and
painting it's downs.

Tell me that it's over,
just stop, i can't watch.
She's eating herself,
swallowing herself from
the inside, burning my eyes.

I read somewhere once that,
The most upsetting thing is
when you realize that you've spent every single day with someone,
seeing them every moment of the day
before you go to sleep and even when you wake up
just to have all that thrown away over someone who doesn't even matter.
It hurts when you loose someone you care about
but I think
it hurts even more when you loose that person you care about who,
was not only your everything but also your best friend.

I never meant to pierce with your heart with a spear of hurt.
I wanted to pierce your heart with a sword so that I may obtain your trust and love.
I want to spend each moment of the day with you until I fall asleep
And I want to be the one you lay your head next to.

Because when you wake up…
I want to be the first thing you think about.
I want the letters of my name run across your mind.
When you wake up…
I want you to be assured that each day meant something,
That each day and second mattered.
When you wake up…
I want to be right there and see each centimeter of your eye open.
I want to lie next to so close till I can count each specific eye lash upon each one of your eye lids.
When you wake up…
I want to know that I finished first place at the finish line of your dreams.
When you wake up…
I want to be intimate, not physically, but mentally until our lusts become desired love.
I want our mental copulation to be wrapped in undefined love.

When I look into your eyes I want to see that I am embedded in your mind and you in mine.
I want you to fall asleep the night before and know that I’m here to stay
And when you wake up…
You take a breathe open your eyes, and see me laying in your bed.