i don't sleep very often.
but i dream all the time.
like a clinging infection,
you've latched on to my mind.
and i don't know how to break you.
you're a habit that's just so familiar.
i've never been one for addictions
until you waltzed your way into the picture.

--All this time i've been on my hands and knees praying for you to set me free so i could operate on my own again. little did i know that you were never holding on and all i have to do is let go to move on. It's all i have to do, it's all i have to do. i havent done it yet maybe because id on't know that i want to.

-i don't cry very often,
but i'm sad all the time.
happiness is such a simple disguise.
and everything keeps changing every time i blink by eyes.
and i know i can't just make time stop, everything changes in time.
but i just want to put a hold on everything so i can hold your hand for one more moment before something changes that pushes you away.

-this moment here is right. i can look into your eyes and know that i have someone who knows me the way i want someone to know me. all the bad and all the good. you know it all and you understood. how can i live knowing that tomorrow i could be the only one who knows myself again.

all your hello's turn into goodbye's.
even my good days are not on my side.
and my horoscope tells me to be strong and fight.
but the thought of you keeps me awake all night.
why can't something so strong be reciprocated.
it's always the same problem and i hate it, i hate it.
but somehow you always convince me you might come around this time.

and i try to distance myself, but i only move in closer.
the closer i am to you the safer i feel.

Even when i stop thinking about you, i know it's only temporary. i pretend that i've forgotten you until you flood my memory. & i hate myself for this dependent person you have made me become. I can say that i'm over this, promise myself that its done, but though my brain is convincing my heart knows we've only begun.

you stop and take moments to look in my eyes.
you know when i'm hiding behind my smiling disguise.
you see right through me, like i'm always so vulnerable.
but you never fail to make me feel like i'm going to be alright.
but that's just the good days until i fall asleep at night

then i try to distance myself, but im a rollercoaster,
the ups and downs make me sick at the end of the day.

so stop right there, do not make a sound.
i don't want your voice to invade my ears tonight.
maybe if i fled this lingering town,
id have some hope for sleep tonight.

my hands and knees have weakened in time,
from crawling and crawling til i feel alive again...
sleep doesn't come easy, and days are routine,
you're the roller coaster craziness, the only, ****, thing.

pre- i feel like i'm just treading water. walking in place, in this race with everyone else. watch me fail or conquer. either way i have to either lose or prevail.

chorus-so don't hold my hand this time. the fires are everywhere, but i've been hiding for too long. if this risk i take burns through my bones, at least i know i did this, and did it alone.

why do i compare myself to all the wrong people?
what will it take to be strong?
lessons are everywhere, but they all contradict another,
and people don't change, at least not for the better.
and i've learned that all i have to trust is my own heart and soul.

sometimes i just want someone to cry to.
but i know all they'll tell me is what i want to hear.
why cant people just be reliable? give it to me like it is, don't fake it don't fake this.
all i want is honesty, but can you give me anything real?

i'm usually the girl that writes the sad songs.
but somethings evolved that changed the way i feel inside.
i feel like i've finally made a decision at the crossroads.
and you weren't the influence that made me decide.
i feel like we've been attached for much too long.
every move i made i looked at you for your approval every time.
then i learned that i was stronger than i had even imagined.
and i learned the power of my own mind.

so finally i can say the words i'm okay,
I'm much more decisive than i thought i'd ever be.
and i can do anything i want to without feeling any slight ounce of shame.
i didn't expect this positive change.

is this air or smoke in my lungs?
I'm just a girl, i've got guts and skin and bones.
But nothing is good enough.
even when i've worked until my strength is gone.
I fight harder than anyone i've ever known in all my life.
yet still i'm running in circles, trying to cut through steel with a knife.


i have lost my grip on anything that's ever mattered. now i can't keep hold of anything at all.
I even feel myself slipping away, the grounds escaping from under my toes.
everyone's voices are much too loud, and my walls have come down, i'm naked in front of a crowd of faces,
that see through me and so, why do i bother to put on a show?

is this all a bad bad joke?

i never used to be this girl.
I feel like a part of me has been taken from this world.
i'll never get it back.
i'll never get this person back.
every day is just another disease.
another thing will end up plaguing me.
-when will i grow out of this.
i can't give people something to miss.

sometimes i feel like i can fly.
but sometimes i feel so low i can't even see the sky.
sometimes i can feel the heat from the sun.
sometimes i know it's there but i hide away until the monsters have gone.
and i can't stay like this.
but i don't know how to change it.

my hands and knees have met the ground.
from the highest ledge i've tumbled right down.
all i want is to feel like there's something i don't do wrong.
something that i can feel proud to have overcome.

nothing seems to line up quite right.
i just want something consistent that can help me sleep at night.
all these things that make me feel anything but alright, should fly away.
can i just escape this, and fly away.

i crawled out from under my skin today.
i stared at myself as i floated away,
and i watched everything change.
i witnessed everything fall away.
that's not an unusual story for me these days.

-because i never thought i could love you this much.
and when i think about you, i realize i do it way too much.
i remember when this all started, i knew how i felt, but i didn't know how this would grow.
i swear to you darling, i didn't know.

i lose a part of myself every time you look away.
and when you glance at me softly, i take it so hard.
i used to be strong, now i'm falling apart.
now i'm just this sad girl, writing songs so air out my heart.

because i never thought i could love you this much.
and when i try to cling to the light something pushes me back in the dark.
i remember when this all started, i knew how i felt, but i never would let it show.
i swear to you darling, i'll never let anyone know.

because seasons keep changing but i feel the same.
i'm losing parts of myself, but this here, it remains.
all i want is for you to say it, recipricate it. bury me in something other regrets and mistakes that i've made.

because i never thought i could love you this much.
and i know i've become pathetic when i imagine the feel of your touch.
i forget how this started, but i remember the hope that i felt, i put on the perfect show.
i swear to you darling, i'll never let this go.
and i swear to you darling....
and i swear to you darling....
if i'm left broken hearted, it'll hurt but i know, these feelings i've caught, i can't just throw.
forget the regrets, love what you know. i didn't think that i'd crave you, every time that you go.
i swear to you darling, i didn't know.
i didn't know.