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Oct 2022 · 461
Dark Magic
Ashley Dewicki Oct 2022
Never underestimate
a woman.

My sisters and I were born with
the midnight sky
and the morning sunrise
Brewing in our eyes.

Our hearts burn bright
With loose embers of the fires
That tried to burn our kin.

Our fingertips stretch out far
To touch the spirits of those
Who walked the path before us.

Our bellies ache
For the fruit from the forbidden tree
That men told us we cannot touch.

Our toes tingle
As they carry us to places
We once thought only possible in dreams.

Our minds swell
With knowledge and wisdom
That men can only wish to comprehend.

Women are magic. ✨
Jun 2019 · 210
Midnight
Ashley Dewicki Jun 2019
Pitch black.
Ignorant to the world existing outside.
The only thing that lives, is us.
You’re holding onto me.
My hands slide around your smooth yet strong arms.
Safe.
The heat of your breath dances across my face.
My lips tingle in the tango.
Pulling me in.
Intoxicating.
The absence of light,
Illuminating the essence
Of two people,
Engraving each bump and curve.
For a moment, the earth is noiseless.
With a gray blanket of shielded armor,
We’re perfectly protected
In this beautiful moment.
With your head on my chest,
You feel my heart,
Softly
Beating.
I’ve never had these feelings before.
These feelings for you.
Falling.
Slowly.
Then all at once.
Feb 2019 · 216
Ode to Me, Ode to You
Ashley Dewicki Feb 2019
My arms.
I see two stuffed sausages waiting to burst at the seams.
You see the arms that wrapped around you
the day you lost Ben.

My hands.
Dry and small, like Forget-Me-Nots wilting in the winter frost.
You see the hands that helped to discover
our secret handshake.

My hair.
A messy nest unfit for robins.
You see the loose locks that you sweep
behind my ears to free my face.

My cheeks.
Prone to red bumps like a ripe raspberry.
You see the opportunity for your lips
to softly trace my uneven skin.

My thighs.
The worst part of me.
With stretch marks carved deeper than the Grand Canyon.
You see the legs that intertwined with yours for
warmth, while our minds slowly fade to
delicious dreams of the future.

Who knew all the bad parts of me,
were my favorite parts of you.
Feb 2019 · 224
Ode to Our Home
Ashley Dewicki Feb 2019
I’m seven. My little sister by my side,
at all times. Partners in crime.

Summer afternoons blend into cool nights.
Carefree and light.

Mom calling us to come Home.
Oh, but how we wished to still roam.

The street was ours.
We’d beg our father to let us look at the stars.

I’m twelve. Never did we think,
that in the blink

of an eye
we’d have to say goodbye,

to the Home we once knew,
and there’s nothing we can do.

Because Loretta is sick.
But with you as my sidekick,

I’ll always be at Home.
Feb 2019 · 191
Bethany
Ashley Dewicki Feb 2019
Sixteen.
Destined by your own delicate hands to never
grow old. Long dark brown hair that was often swooped
effortlessly into a ballerina bun. Permanently
sun kissed skin.
Always light
on your toes, as though you pirouetted through life.  
Forever innocent.
A mind so brilliant, so beyond
your limits.
You were my
best friend. Sisters, we would say.
Ever since the second grade, we were undoubtedly,
firmly codependent on one another.
How?
I ask myself,
did I let you fall so simply?
Angelic in life and
whatever may come after.
But for four years now, I’ve foraged in the depths of
my mind, hoping to find an explanation for why
this happened.
Why do these horrible things happen
to us?
You unknowingly taught me that those we love the most
are the ones who leave the deepest scars.
I had spent a long time
hating you.
Hating you for doing
what you did;
how you left us here.
But how can I hate someone who was so
broken inside?
I can’t.
I hate myself,
for only seeing the
perfect, porcelain twirling doll that I put
up on my mantel.
And when that delicate doll fell,
the only one to blame
was fate.
Ashley Dewicki Jan 2019
Tears…so many tears after my best friend
died. I was 17. Light brown, coarse hair from my
puppy snuggled up to me each night. Crumbs
from many late-night dinners, coupled with
doing homework until the sun peaks
through the sleepy darkness.
My mom’s old white tennis shoes, falling
apart at the seams. Bobby pins.
Snoozed alarms. Text messages I didn’t want
to say goodnight to. Screams,
from that nightmare that felt all too real.
Tears…so many tears. The nightlight I kept
on ever since then. Books. Stories. Adventures.
Gatsby’s blind love. Harry finally defeating his demons.
The matching sock I didn’t have time to find. Dust.
Lots of dust. The phone call when her grandmother died.
My wandering mind dreaming of what the future might hold. Poems,
written and read. The dizzy night I told you
“stay,” and I let you have what you
wanted. Then you told me, “I’m not ready for
a girl like you.” Tears…so many tears.
My mother’s constant disapproval of
me, and my time spent
wasted in her hazel eyes.
Countless nights I wished you
laid with me under my cold lavender sheets.
Misplaced earring backings. Baby blue nail polish dripped.
Bittersweet dreams of a future with you. My puppy’s hidden
treats that he forgot once existed. Phantoms.  
Monsters. Phone calls and Facetime’s that felt like
a moment frozen, but lasted hours. That bright pink
Homecoming dress my mother said I looked
heavy in. Tears…so many tears. Darkness. Months later when you
came back, sleeping peacefully next to me. Forgiveness. Hope.
All the boys I thought were worth my time. Love.

You.

It’s always been you.
Nov 2018 · 296
Happy
Ashley Dewicki Nov 2018
He balances the sweet in my tea perfectly.

He looks at me with those blue eyes, adoringly.

He runs his hand down my back ever so softly.

He talks about my accomplishments proudly.

He kisses my lips tenderly.

He tells me I’m beautiful daily.

He trusts me faithfully.

He makes the butterflies in my stomach dance fiercely.

He knows, every time, I fall for him effortlessly.

But this time,

He makes me feel like I’m flying weightlessly.
Oct 2018 · 518
Homeless
Ashley Dewicki Oct 2018
“What about tonight?”
I’m still not ready.
“But it will feel good.”
I’m scared.
“You don’t need to be scared.”

He laid me down.
I remained silent.

He had done so, many times before.
Trying to enter my home without the key.

That evening, I left the door unlocked and went to bed.

He didn’t knock that night.
He broke in.
Took what was mine.
Made me a stranger in my own home.

The lights were off.
No one knew the crime taking place.

But he was my boyfriend.
You let your lover into your home, right?

The lines are blurry.
Black and white turned to grey.

But my heart knew.
It was in the words I didn’t say.

Silence does not equate to consent.
Oct 2018 · 200
Defeated
Ashley Dewicki Oct 2018
Why do I give you the power to destroy me?
Aug 2018 · 225
Free
Ashley Dewicki Aug 2018
You're the kind of love,
That made all the heartbreak worth it.
Aug 2018 · 187
Scars
Ashley Dewicki Aug 2018
I’m not okay.
I pretend it doesn’t hurt anymore,
But the truth is I just pushed it down.
The ache in my gut went numb.
But just hearing your name,
Makes my heart break all over again.
I wish this pain would stop.
Jul 2018 · 197
A vow
Ashley Dewicki Jul 2018
I vow to myself,

That night

Was the last time

I let you

Touch my skin.
Jul 2018 · 180
Insanity
Ashley Dewicki Jul 2018
in·san·i·ty
inˈsanədē/noun

Giving you my heart, over and over again, expecting you won’t drop it like you’ve done every time.
“I did this to myself.”
Jul 2018 · 165
Delusion
Ashley Dewicki Jul 2018
You have so much self control when it comes to not choosing me.
And so little when it comes to using me.
Jun 2018 · 176
Torn
Ashley Dewicki Jun 2018
My insides are splitting me apart
like shards of glass in my heart.

How can I still paint you in a shining light?
When your wrongs can never be made right.
Jun 2018 · 163
Phantoms
Ashley Dewicki Jun 2018
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
But your words will forever haunt me.
Jun 2018 · 267
A Poem for My Moon
Ashley Dewicki Jun 2018
What is a little sister?

She is placed in your tiny arms after nine months of waiting,

and at the age of two and a half, you don’t think your tiny body can support the weight of her future.

She receives all the attention you were once showered with.

She’s your real-life baby doll, but mommy says this one’s much more fragile.

She is so soft but also kinda fuzzy on top. You never thought anything could be smaller than you.

She’s always the servant when you play princess, or the baby when you play house.

She’s mistaken for your twin all the time.

She falls down and scraps her knee,

and when mommy’s not around, you’re there to dust off the dirt.

She learns so much from you. You realize you have to teach her right from wrong.

She looks up to you.

She wants to be just like her big sister.

She won’t stop following you around. You wish she’d leave you and your friends alone.

She cries because you say you don’t want to play baby games anymore, you’re much too mature for that.

She’s distraught because she feels like she’s losing her friend.

You fight constantly. Lots of

Kicking.

Hair pulling.

Screaming.

But,

she always comes back.

She says you’re her best friend.

She doesn’t get mistaken as your twin now, but you know on the inside you’re identical.

She takes your clothes without asking.

She still does your bidding even though you haven’t played princess in years.

She asks you what to wear because your fashion sense is superior.

She sits patiently as you do her makeup for all the high school dances.

She cries because her homework is sometimes too much to handle.

She feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

She is expected to do so much she couldn’t possibly succeed.

She gets sick a lot and you wonder how after 18 years she could still be so fragile.

She laughs at all your dumb jokes that no one else would understand.

She looks out into the crowd of people as she moves her tassel from right to left.

She never thought she’d make it this far. But you knew.

You hold back melancholy tears.

Your baby sister isn’t a baby anymore.

She’s becoming your role model.

She astonishes you every day with her kindness, creativity, and grace.

She’s the moon to your sun.

She’s your life-long best friend.

She’ll stay with you until the very end.

Caitlin,

I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished, but don’t stop now. Your whole life is waiting for you. You must let yourself be open to all its possibilities. A wise person once said that, “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” So, set sail on your next adventure. And remember, I’ll always be waiting for you at the shore. Never be scared, because you will always have your big sis to lean back on.

Love,

Your Sun ☀️
May 2018 · 217
Trophy
Ashley Dewicki May 2018
You paint me in a pretty light,
Put me up on your pedestal.
But I’m going to fall.

I’m selfish and broken.
My pieces are scattered.
Most men are scared of my scars.

So see ME.
Not through me.
As the light shines through the cracks.
May 2018 · 172
Mixed
Ashley Dewicki May 2018
I get those 4 letter words confused.

One is selflessness.
Not wanting to hang up on those late night calls.
The yearning for the others presence.
Wanting to be better, for them.

The other is selfishness.
3am texts.
The need for a temporary high.
Wanting to pretend he cares.

But how do I mix the two?

Well, because of you.

Love or Lust?
I wish I knew which feeling to trust.
May 2018 · 160
Collision
Ashley Dewicki May 2018
Your eyes gleamed with the ghosts of the past.
Your smile could warm the coldest heart.

But I knew this would never last.
We always end up apart.

We started driving down that road too fast.
The intensity was a work of art.

But the devastation of us is something we couldn’t outlast.
We were doomed to crash from the start.
May 2018 · 178
I Pray
Ashley Dewicki May 2018
I pray
you spend
the rest of your life
searching for
the taste of my lips.

In one night stands.
Through I love you’s.
Under promises made.
Next to secrets kept.

But your efforts
will be in vain.
For nothing
could ever substitute
the love I gave to you.

You let it slip by
without blinking an eye.
And now you will never discover
an equivalent lover.
Apr 2018 · 224
Alone
Ashley Dewicki Apr 2018
Green leaves are growing back on the trees.
Warm air fills the flowering breeze.

But her heart is still not at ease.
Sadness is all she sees.

Her soul has been in a deep freeze.
And all she’s left with now are the memories.

Yet there’s nothing she can do with these.
Because it’s harder to stay, than to leave.
Apr 2018 · 164
Stained Glass
Ashley Dewicki Apr 2018
Mosaic tiles
make up pieces
of my broken heart.

I long for the one
who won’t see me as a project
but as a piece of art.
Mar 2018 · 214
Moving on
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2018
I hope I’m not just a memory,
Of a little girl who still longs for your touch.

Because I am a grown *** woman
Who won’t use you as a crutch.
Mar 2018 · 273
A Broken Bond
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2018
My head hangs heavy from the secrets I keep.
And the only other soul who knows them is already asleep.
That’s because his head is light.
It’s easy for him to keep his lips tight.

After all,
Loose lips
Sink ships.
Mar 2018 · 203
Awake
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2018
I’ve cried over you too many times.

I just hope you’ve had some sleepless nights as well.
Mar 2018 · 195
The End.
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2018
You left me speechless in your wake.
So the only words that come out land on this page.
Our story lives on in a distant memory.
Mar 2018 · 327
Once upon a time...
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2018
When I was younger, I thought falling in love would be like a fairytale.
The prince comes to save his princess locked in the tower and they live happily ever after.
And my prince did come.
He tried to save me.
But the distance was treacherous.
And the fall was dangerous.
So he rode off on his gallant steed.
Now all I’m left with is the image of you.
Leaving me behind.
Yet there is no hate in my heart.
You're still shinning that golden color that I painted you long ago.
You could never tarnish.
Mar 2018 · 224
Shattered
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2018
I’m broken.
and I wish I could explain why.
especially to her.
but I’ll never be able to.
and I don’t know if I can live with that.
Feb 2018 · 187
Desert
Ashley Dewicki Feb 2018
Sometimes I sit alone.
And I wish that I could cry.

Maybe then I can drain the part of you that lingers in my head.

But all I feel is empty.

Your love filled me up.
And now that you’re gone
I feel like The Sahara.

A desolate wasteland.
Feb 2018 · 179
Isolation
Ashley Dewicki Feb 2018
It’s hard to put into words,
How incredibly alone I feel.

Empty inside.

It seems as though everyone else is moving forward,
And I’m stuck.

Frozen in a time,
When there was you and I.

But now there’s just me.
Only me.
Jan 2018 · 253
Home
Ashley Dewicki Jan 2018
Why does this place feel more like home than my own?
It wasn’t until I left my own house that I realized it was never really my home.
I was.
Four walls.
Brick and mortar.
I am my home.
Jan 2018 · 288
Summer Daze
Ashley Dewicki Jan 2018
Turn a day downtown into a road trip to another country.
Listen to the music too loud.
Have a drink. Have another drink.
Let loose.
Forget about your problems holding you down.
Remember things are never as bad as they seem.
Lay down under the stars.
Listen to the water splash against the shore.
Feel the cool summer night in your bones.
Touch the smooth rocks beneath you.
Catch a glimpse of love in another’s eyes.
Drink in the moment.
Realize how small you are in the universe.
Remember things are never as bad as they seem.
Dec 2017 · 206
My Mind Is My Own
Ashley Dewicki Dec 2017
When you pop into my head, things get blurry.
Sometimes I feel as though you’re an unwanted guest in my mind.
Other times I welcome you with open arms.
This is because I have yet to figure you out.
Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
I know deep down what you want from me, but I tell myself there’s more to it.
So I keep holding on, waiting for that stream of light to pierce through my skull.
I never give up anymore.
That way, no matter the outcome,
I never really lose.
I live with purpose, not regrets.
Nov 2017 · 191
Untitled
Ashley Dewicki Nov 2017
I just want to be your friend again.
Nov 2017 · 206
Tick Tock
Ashley Dewicki Nov 2017
I wanted to self-destruct.
And since I was a ticking time bomb,
What better way than to throw myself into the fire.
I’m just waiting to explode.
The aftermath of me will only take one victim.
And I wish it was him.
But I ended up being buried alive.
The suffocation is such a habit now that
It barely takes my breath away.
I’m too cold and numb to feel anyways.
Nov 2017 · 193
Needles and Ink
Ashley Dewicki Nov 2017
I’ve learned the hard way that
Nothing is permanent in my life
Except for the ink etched in my skin.
Nov 2017 · 277
Rapunzel
Ashley Dewicki Nov 2017
You’ve been gone so long.

When you left, the summer heat
was impossible to beat.
Now the brown leaves are falling down and a gloomy haze
covers my days.

But I held on to the idea of you.
And even though winter was on its way,
That idea began to bloom.

I was scared of the flowers I’d have to gather,
So I pretended it did not matter.

But then you asked,
“Why do you like me?”

And then I knew, I could no longer pretend.
I knew I wanted a field of flowers.

So, I told you about my hair.

My hair was long and Auburn with my first love.
I soon grew tired of my locks and wanted the sun to shine through each strand.
He did not want my hair to change, but I spilled the light into the darkness and cut it short like my temper with him.

With my next lover, I again grew tired of my bright tresses. So I told him I thought of returning to my hazel mane. He could not rid the image from his mind and wanted nothing more than for me to change my hay colored head.

Then with you,
I still could not decide if my blonde should stay. It grew long and unruly, as I was trapped here without my prince.
So I asked you what I should do.
You told me to do as my heart pleased, and with that, my heart was eased.

Now all I do is long for the day,
that I can gather my flowers in the meadow below.
But I'm high up in my tower locked away,
Just willing my flowers to grow.

Scared and alone, for you my prince, I call.
I hope this tale was enough to save us from the fall.

Your absence has left an ache in my dizzy head.
The end of our fairytale is the only thing I dread.
Nov 2017 · 216
Lavender
Ashley Dewicki Nov 2017
I wish you were here with me,
Under my lavender sheets.
Our bodies touching.
Our legs intertwined.
My cold hands run down your spine.
Your warm arms wrapped around my waist.
I breathe you in.
Neither of us makes a sound.
We’re engraving each little bump and curve into our brains.
Because this moment can’t last forever.
Soon I’ll be alone under my lavender sheets, dreaming of you.
Oct 2017 · 207
January
Ashley Dewicki Oct 2017
Through cracked lips, he told me I wasn’t good enough.

And I believed him.

My heart froze as I watched the cold breath leave his mouth.

My body felt empty in the wake of his storm.

Little did I know,

I was too good
to waste my love
hanging onto
a broken boy.
Oct 2017 · 324
The Healing
Ashley Dewicki Oct 2017
She told me I made her feel whole again,
Because of the boy that
ripped her apart
gutted her out
and skinned her to the bone.

Little did she know,
She was the one mending me.
Picking up the broken pieces I couldn’t even see.

-friendship
Oct 2017 · 214
Trepidation
Ashley Dewicki Oct 2017
She tells me she felt different with him then any other boy.
That she feels empty now, but with him she felt joy.

How can I argue with that?
How can I hold her back?

This could be her second chance at forever.
I should be happy for her, however

why am I writing this at 2 AM with tears streaming down my face?

-I don’t want to lose my best friend to him; he doesn’t deserve her
Ashley Dewicki Sep 2017
I don't know how to start this.
I don't know how it'll end.
Because I don't like where we left things.
We'll never be "just friends."
I just go about my day, while you're hundreds of miles away.

I wonder if you ever think of me, if I'm on your mind.
I hope I am, but other times, I hope you've left the idea of me behind.
I don't want to be the one holding you back.
You are an eagle getting ready to soar.
But if you're still thinking of me, I'll just be clipping your wings, when you could have so much more.

Timing is everything, and time did not give us a hand.
It stood by and watched us as we were drowning in the sand.

You're the only one who ever made me feel like my time wasn't wasted.

I don't know what to do.
But I know the only one I really want is you.

Is our time up?
Jul 2017 · 257
Just the same old story...
Ashley Dewicki Jul 2017
Our story is coming to an end.
And I think this time I won't try to save it.
I didn't want to put our book down or finish the last page, but now all I see is "The End."
I won't fight for someone who gave up on me.
No.
This time I will let you fade away,
So the memory of you will not be tainted.
You will always be in the back of my mind.
The perfect blue eyed boy that for a moment in time,
Made me feel happy again.
The traces of your touch, forever left on my skin.
The way you gazed at me, I felt as though you saw right through my faults.
I couldn't help but fill my cheeks with a rosey blush and shy away when our eyes met.
How safe I felt in your presence.
The bruises you left, from kisses and falling back on your word.
It will all fade, but I won't forget a single page.
Jul 2017 · 243
Flames
Ashley Dewicki Jul 2017
This will end
By no fault of our own
Because we were a flame burning strong
But flames can't last forever
They fade until the light is too dim to see
Then suddenly
You're left in the dark.
Jun 2017 · 290
My Demise
Ashley Dewicki Jun 2017
I am so sad,
Because I am so happy.
And I know that this happiness will be taken away from me.
So do I save myself from the blow?
Or let it destroy me?
Jun 2017 · 250
The Fall
Ashley Dewicki Jun 2017
I feel my heart aching in my chest
as I sit by my phone
hoping to see your name light up my screen.
It was easier with him; I didn't have to worry if he'd text me back because I didn't care if he did.
I knew he wasn't worth it.
But it's hard with you.
It's hard because I feel myself falling and I know I don't have a parachute.
I will hit the ground and break into a million little pieces, just like always.
But the thing is, I did this to myself.
I jumped.
But you,
You stayed on board.
May 2017 · 212
Stay Strong
Ashley Dewicki May 2017
The only way to survive is to see the good in the bad,
the beauty in the pain,
and the sun through the rain.
Mar 2017 · 328
Aftertaste
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2017
My family and I went out to dinner that chilly evening.

As we drove home I cried over you silently in the backseat, hidden by the darkness of the night.

No matter how delicious that dinner was, the bitter taste of you still lingers in my mouth.
Mar 2017 · 280
Heavy
Ashley Dewicki Mar 2017
Why does my heart feel so heavy when it should be taking flight?

How do I fix what's broken if I don't know the wrongs from the rights?
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