"Mama, teach me how to pray
I'm not sure what to say
are you sure He'll hear
will my words reach His ear?
are you sure i can speak?
when He is strong & i am weak
does God know what's in my heart?
and can He lead me through the dark?
when i bow my head in prayer
is He really always there?
are you sure He hears it all?
sometimes my voice seems so small"
sweet child, no matter the place, the hour
trust that there is a Higher Power
One who loves us, pure and true
He will always see us through
there's no right thing to say
when you bow your head to pray
because He will listen and knows your fears
and never likes to see your tears
and He will guide you through the dark of night
and show you the beauty of the morning light
when soft breeze blows through your hair
know that that is God, he is there
in everything, in everyone, He surrounds
and loves you without bounds
because you are His child, His creation

she's like a fire burning bright
lighting up the darkest night
she's like the wind, like rain
the joy after the pain
she's softness in a gentle breeze
a song that echoes through the trees
she's the voice in a time of fear
the shining light when the end is near
she's the sun, the moon and stars
to get to her you've earned a few scars
she's beauty, she's truth
an afterthought of your youth
she's the one we hold so dear
with each prayer, each tear
she's the one that leads the way
and gets us through another day
she gives us strength, gives us faith
helps us realize it's all worth the wait
she... is hope.

nineteen candles on her birthday cake
and she hides the scars, all her mistakes
and the way the knife felt, hidden in hand
she knew that no one would understand
so she carried her secret, heavy and thick
and she knew what it was like to feel sick
the sadness brought her to her knees
black and cold, lost in this disease
her mind hurts, her heart feels dead
she feels so lost inside her head
and there's relief, sweet and fast
if only she could make it last
but with each cut she goes deep
all she wants to do is sleep
and forget she was never enough

you said you need me like water, like air
as you braided flowers in my hair
and whispered sweet words in my ear
the truth is now, it's all right here
you made me feel alive, free
like there was some good in me
you kissed my flaws, all my scars
and said in my eyes you saw the stars
and life before was just a blur
and you didn't know just who you were
but it was me, your saving grace
you knew it the moment you saw my face
the pain i'd hidden down so deep
unable to cry, it was hard to sleep
but you loved me, gave me a song
watched me breaking all night long
but it was in the morning light
that i found my will to fight
never give up, no matter the trial
learn to let go & how to smile

you didn't think you'd make it another day
drifting through a world gone gray
where music had no sound
you couldn't find solid ground
tears wouldn't come, you couldn't cry
the river that overwhelmed you running dry
and "happiness" was just a memory
behind a mirror you couldn't see
and the pain, feeling it run so deep
the nights too long and you couldn't sleep
you needed something, anything to bring you back
the falling always hurts, feeling yourself crack
and you're in a land that no one knows
where everything is dead, nothing grows
and it feels like you're under water, so cold
did you think this was what the future would hold
but you can see it now, a light starts to shine
and you know that now is the only time
the past is gone, the future unclear
you can't keep hiding from fear
or you're not living at all
i know how it hurts to fall
but listen closely... the distant beat
you can feel it in your feet
and the dance is coming, coming soon
the world full of color & a winter moon
what will you do? will you let yourself sink
are you going to stop and think
because i'd much rather be dancing

she sits in her garden for hours and hours
always loved the dirt, the smell of flowers
her hands are gnarled and scarred by time
but he always tells her she looks just fine
each morning he pushes her chair
into the sunlight, out in the fresh air
and he sees the tear roll down her cheek
and knows it hurts her that she can't speak
so he finds the words she's searching for
let's her know she's the one he'll always adore
he struggles to keep the garden nice and neat
sings her songs with words so sweet
he braids her white hair
and puts the flowers there
remembers her when she was twenty
the love, the laughter, memories are plenty
there's heaviness in his heart, every day
because he knows that she's slipping away
he takes her hand, places it close to his heart
and promises her they'll never really be apart
in this garden she will always be
ready to give him all he can see
she will wait until the time is right
to lead him into the promised Light
and they will return home, together
this love has always been forever

they make a promise, seal it with a kiss
and know it'll be hard raising a child like this
the doctor comes in explaining options, a choice
and that's when the mother to be finds her voice
and lets him know that the only thing set in stone
is that her child will be wanted and have a home
parents who love her, through and through
who will find miracles in anything she can do
they have big dreams for her, some she won't understand
but they will always be there to guide her, take her hand
the doctor says she will have difficulties, struggles abound
but the parents are firm and stand their ground
a baby is born during a strange summer moon
and her mother decides to call her June
and she grows, somewhat slower than the rest
but her mama knows that she will always love her best
their miracle baby, the one they thought they'd never know
she feels her heart swell each day as she gets to watch her grow
some things are harder, June needs more time
but her parents are patient, never seem to mind
each milestone she reaches they applaud
and give thanks to an ever loving God
for this child who loves so free
beauty and joy is all she can see
sometimes she struggles with thoughts, with a word
but then she laughs and it's the sweetest thing heard
and they know that no matter how hard things get
that their decision is one they'll never regret
there was never any question, right or wrong
because this child was wanted for so long
the answer to their dreams, their prayers
so what if she's different, who really cares
because she is love, she is like a summer moon
this sweet little girl that they call June

like sheep you follow
with eyes so hollow
trusting the word of each other
not to rise against your brother
it's the fellow man
the one with the plan
and you drink it in
time and time again
trusting in words where there's no truth
the sadness of our misled youth
don't you have opinions, your own voice
whatever happened to the beauty of choice
you put all your faith in empty words
and repeat everything you've heard
don't you have a single thought
other than the things you're taught
when you're grouped together, like this
the truth is there, it's hard to miss
and you look like animals being led to slaughter

sometimes you'll find yourself walking a rocky road
wondering how you're ever gonna carry this load
when you're feeling lost and alone
remember all paths will lead to home
where the heart is, even if it's broken
your memories, thoughts unspoken
the things that led you to where you are
saying a prayer and wishing on every star
because this wasn't the life you dreamed of
feeling confused, empty, longing for love
sometimes it feels like it's too much to take
but you won't crumble, you won't break
because you are meant to be here, in the now
and the dark times pass, we can't question how
just know that it's a moment and then it's gone
and you wont always feel this alone
no matter how bad things seem
life is the waking dream
and good things are meant to be
when you're not holding on to a memory

You love me like a river
raging, strong and sure
You love me like a song
so sweet and pure
You love me like a lyric
sung sweetly in my ear
You love me like a summer sky
so blue and clear
And I love you like the sun
burning hot and bright
I love you like the stars
dancing through the night
I love you like the earth
so rich and deep
I love you like a lullaby
drifting off to sleep

so heavy, she wore her sadness like a coat
swam in it, never knowing if she'd sink or float
and all the dreams that drifted away
left her empty, with nothing to say
she cries but no tears will come
can't even remember what she's running from
only that she has to go, further and faster
away from this life, self created disaster
she hangs her head in guilt and shame
feeling like she only has herself to blame
not knowing how to fix all that's wrong
she's holding on but for how long
when the night seems too open, too dark
the silence is deafening, save her pounding heart
and it's fear, always the fear
that something bad is near
within her, like a fire burning bright
sometimes she feels too tired to fight

untitled (poem by me)

lift me up because i can't fly
& i'm only pretty when i cry
when all my dreams turn to dust
i know that there's nothing to trust
you can never really outrun the pain
all these tears are gonna leave a stain
when i feel so lost in the crowd
how this silence sounds so loud
i wonder if i'll fall apart
missing pieces of my heart
have left me feeling dead inside
what's it worth, the tears i've cried
feels like i'm falling, gonna crash
there's no light in the smoke & ash
darkness calling, like a sad song
i wasn't meant to be this strong

when I hold your little hand
i hope that you will understand
the things i want you to see
are all the things i know you can be
the sky is the limit, you can have it all
but you can't ever be afraid to fall
get knocked down and you'll get back up
and the world will always give you just enough
it's up to you to use your gifts, make your way
find yourself and all the reasons to pray
always be ready for what life has in store
and know that you are so much more
that you are made of love and light
and always give me a reason to fight
to hope for bigger and better things
you gave me life, i'll give you wings
in your eyes i see the stars, the moon
i know this time will pass so soon
these little moments fill up my heart
you were my life from the start
and i'm so thankful for this
with each hug, each kiss
i know that my life was never complete
until i had a love this sweet
and nothing makes me quite as proud
as when i hear those words out loud
of mama i love you
but i'll always love you more

you can cut your hair
dye it, straighten it
curl it or throw it in a pony tail
you can work out
mold your body to perfection
or eat cake and try not to worry
you can paint your nails
line your eyes
and slather on lip gloss
or roll outta bed and get dressed
you can be what "they" want
or who you want
and whatever that may be
you're perfect
just the way you are
if you're happy
so ladies
please love yourself
be kind to yourself
and to each other

skies of blue and fields of green
walk with me inside this dream
braid flowers through my hair
and we'll pretend the world isn't there
in these moments of smiles and laughter
this is what i've been after
these moments of peace
and the sweet release
of being myself, full & whole
can you see inside my soul
because i feel you dancing there
whispered words float through the air
and my heart skips a beat
to find a feeling this sweet
and this pure
but are you sure?
do you really understand
how i feel when i hold your hand
because i feel magic

she was a fat kid
with bad skin
and glasses
and frizzy hair
always cracking a joke
or burying her nose in a book
to escape
and forget
because this didn't feel
like who she should be
but she didn't know how to change it
so she hid inside herself
refused to let many people know
who she really was
because it didn't matter anyway
it was all about fitting in
and she never really did
i wish i could go back
and hug her
tell her i love her
and not to worry
because this won't matter
in 5 years or in 10
these painful moments
of rejection
of depression
won't last forever
and she will come out
stronger than ever
she shouldn't be so ******* herself
and i still see her sometimes
when i look in the mirror
and it makes me sad
to know how much i let these things
affect me and who i became
always questioning, if i'm good enough
but i think it's gonna make me better
because i've been there before

in this world... monsters never really sleep
they hide in the dark, the cold, the deep
and they walk among us, faces of men
living off fear and pain, consumed by sin
and they are out there, they wait
fueled by an overwhelming hate
they torture, **** and ****
they lie, hurt and steal
and we close our eyes so we can't see
because you never know who it may be
there's no such thing as a safe place
the seed of evil wears a mask on its face
all the things we fear
are things we refuse to hear
the dark, the cold, the deep
monsters never really sleep

tired, too tired to sleep
where emotions run deep
and the night becomes too long
singing off-key, my broken song
and i can't find the way
so i wish, i hope, i pray
that something will deliver me
this isn't who i want to be
i should've already been better than this
instead of everything so hit & miss
and falling all apart
scars on my heart
i've tried it time and again
never really fitting in
but i take it, with a grain of salt
maybe it isn't entirely my fault
perhaps i've always felt more than i should

i.
will you walk me through the storm
and keep me safe and warm
will you love me through sunshine and rain
and try to save me from the pain
when i feel like i'm going to break
will you love me after every mistake
and welcome me home
the only place that i belong
will you see yourself in me
am i what you want me to be
when i feel like i'm not good enough
will you be there to show me love
and will you always have my hand
& try your best to understand
give me roots, give me wings
show me the beauty in simple things

ii.
i will walk you through the darkest night
and always help you find the light
i'll protect you no matter the weather
you're in my heart, now and forever
i'll piece you back together should you fall
and i know you're ready to give it your all
home is where people love you for all that you are
and as long as you need me i won't be far
i see bits and pieces of myself shining through
you should know that no matter what you do
always good enough, more than you know
it doesn't matter where you go
i'll be ready anytime, any place
to offer you that comforting embrace
God gave you life, I was the tool
never let the world make you cruel
see the beauty in simple pleasure
because your life is truly a treasure
i'll love you, so be free and wild
i am your mother, you are my child

when they were young they were brave
i think of the love my parents gave
and how they tried to teach us right
to never give up without a fight
how they would work multiple jobs to make ends meet
to make sure we had clothes on backs, food to eat
and they rose above their circumstances
to make sure we always had those chances
to be everything that we could be
when you're a child you can't see
the sacrifices your parents make
how they love you after every mistake
and they want the best for you
because they know what you can do
they were young when they decided to marry
knew the world was theirs to carry
and even when it felt like everything was going wrong
they made things right because they were strong
i think now that my brother and i are grown
we see the true value in family and home
my parents had little help along the way
and when the whole world seemed bleak & gray
they'd find that silver lining
the sun was always shining
when you have that faith
that you were not meant to break
and i'm so grateful
for my roots

i saw them sitting beneath an old tree
and they were waiting there for me
with arms stretched open wide
showing me a place inside
how it was burning against the night
a blinding, brilliant golden light
when they spoke it sounded like a song
and i knew that i didn't really belong
because i was tired, too weak
couldn't find the words to speak
they knew i wasn't ready to return
i still had so much to learn
this life was too short to give up
when i hadn't seen or heard enough
whispers in my ear drift down to my heart
the world around me was falling apart
so gently they guided me home
i knew then i had to carry on
and i felt like i was ripped away
from a place i couldn't stay
so i've made it my life long duty
to always find hope, truth and beauty
and to know there's always more
something to have faith in, fight for
to be the best i possibly can
and someday they will take my hand
i came so close, so near to death
all my dreams were in a breath
i came back fighting, gasping for air
with stars in my pockets, leaves in my hair
beneath an old and ancient tree
a second chance was waiting for me

i don't know how much more i can take
before i finally crumble and break
tired of feeling worthless, i dont matter
i can feel each crack, my heart's gonna shatter
because this wasn't the life i planned
sitting here just trying to understand
when i became so useless, wanna give up
tired of drinking from a broken cup
and thinking things are gonna get better somehow
but it didn't then and it's not happening now
i'm tired of feeling unpretty, unwanted
looking in the mirror, eyes so haunted
by the person i used to be
and i just wish i could see
how i ever thought i deserved anything
because i guess i really don't

she was like fire in the rain
the sweeter side of pain
a mix of adventure and danger
who never met a stranger
held her head up high
& watched the world go by
not really having a care
all her dreams were there
like a cloak that kept her warm
she was the thunder in the storm
the lightning streaked across the sky
but she wouldn't blink an eye
because there was little left to surprise
when she could see where beauty lies
and hear the sound of music in the wind
she wouldn't shatter, break or even bend
she was the embodiment of mystery
and chose to never reveal her history
sometimes pain left wounds so deep
but she wouldn't let anyone see her weep
because she was so strong
in the wild she found her song
and she sang it with a bleeding throat
would she sink or would she float
either way it wouldn't matter
to the girl who would never shatter

come sing me a song
because life feels wrong
and i need a hand to help me up
turns out i was drinking from a broken cup
and the eyes of the night
became too clear and bright
left me too stunned to speak
was i really that weak?
sitting here on the banks
looking for reasons to give my thanks
coming up empty
problems, i had plenty
but i wasn't ready to see the end
so come sit with me friend
and tell me all the reasons
we drift through the seasons
i was feeling broken and afraid
trying to understand this life i made
help me forget
the road to regret
i was lost along the way
looking for another day
looking for who i used to be
somewhere trapped inside of me
come sing me a song
sometimes the night seems too long

i will hold you when you are weak
even if i can't find the words to speak
and brush the tears that you may cry
but i'm not ready yet, to say goodbye
you may get sicker, you may lose your hair
but i can promise you i'll be right there
to hold your hand and hug you tight
in the darkness i will be your light
i will love you harder with each day
on my knees each night i'll pray
for more time, because i haven't had enough
you're the one i need, it's you i'll always love
i'll be right by your side through thin and thick
richer or poorer, if you're healthy or sick
because that's what love is, what it means
this lifetime we've shared, each others dreams
and i promise i won't give up on you
and somehow i know we'll make it through
it's so hard not to question why
i'm not ready yet... to say goodbye

I hope you've found your peace, your laughter
in a place of no pain, the great ever after
here on earth our tears are shed
but i'm proud of the life you led
how you gave me hope, courage to be
all the things the world should see
the battle you fought was hard, struggle every day
and even though i didn't want to let you go away
it hurt me to see you suffer, and be in pain
memories wash over me, soft like rain
you will always be in my heart, now, forever
in heaven all our loved ones will gather together
they will welcome you with open arms, a smile
but sometimes it feels like we only had a little while
i'm grateful i got to say goodbye
and even when i feel like i'm going to cry
i know you've found that place
where the sun always shines on your face
and music is always in the air
someday we'll all be there
i'm so thankful for you, you taught me so many things
you're in heaven now papa, getting your wings

when i start to feel too much
that's when pen and paper touch
at times the world is cold and gray
and i just get through day by day
then colors come bursting through
grass never greener, sky so blue
and i go with it, because what are choices?
writers use words and emotions have voices
this is where i find myself, all the parts of me
that struggle to explain, to grow and break free
it's in the words i cannot speak
with eyes so tired and lips too weak
and when i feel like i'm falling apart
with the world weighing heavy on my heart
i bring feelings out, with the things i write
singing a broken song somewhere in the night
and the stars shine
the hope that is mine
is in my hands, waiting to be written

the world wasn't always so cold & black
won't you let me take you back
to a time where lightnin' bugs lit up the skies
and we'd play in the creek & make mud pies
baseball in back yards, homeruns past the fence
back in the day where life made more sense
and the biggest worry was your mama getting mad
you didn't know what it was like to really be sad
we'd make a bed, right there in the grass
didn't know the world was made of glass
back then things were so sure
and we were all so pure
so beautifully untainted
oh the life we had painted
we'd play without worry, without fear
laugh so loud the whole world could hear
find the joy in such simple things
playground tag, racing to the swings
and it was impossible for us to hush
always moving, always in a rush
too ready to just grow up
time couldn't pass fast enough
so now i tell my children to take it slow
because they still have a long way to go
but that time will pass before we know it
sometimes you can't go back but you can remember

standing in the sand, down by the sea
will you be there, waiting for me?
you don't have to understand
just be there to take my hand
will you lead me or let me go
maybe i don't want to know
i just need your lips on mine
words whispered sweet like wine
& i will always see your face
across all time & space
it's always moments like this
that i don't want to miss
a minute of being with you
& how we always make it through
when i find myself against a storm
it's your arms that keep me safe & warm

feels rough, like nails in your side
and you just want to run & hide
the way it crumbles... such a mess
and you can't fight the brokeness
the darkness wants to drag you down
water so deep you're gonna drown
lost and stumbling inside a bad dream
stuck between whisper and scream
sky grows gray, clouds roll in
you know you're gonna cry again
but tears don't come when you're too tired to fight
always searching for that hope, a simple light
to let you know you're not alone
that someday you'll make it home
in this land where even trees weep
the dead walk and there's no sleep
blood and violence are plenty
eyes hollow and words so empty
lost inside yourself, human or beast?
waiting for that sweet release
a reason to struggle through
something or someone to save you
but you have to save yourself

she wanted to sparkle, she wanted to shine
they'd pat her head and tell her she was fine
it may glitter but it'll never be gold
the world wasn't hers to hold
arms come up empty
when promises are plenty
eyes become afraid to see
that she is young, she is free
the chains that bind
are hers to find
she has the key
this is just a memory
of a life painted black
nothing has to hold her back
voices fade in and out
between a whisper and a shout
she's drinking from a broken cup
it's these things that wake her up
the night seems so long
she'll sing a broken song
in these moments there's peace
she'll find a sweet release
and she'll know
that she's meant to grow
and she will sparkle
she will shine

she likes to tell him that
his eyelashes remind her
of feathers, black feathers
like a crow
and he laughs
it vibrates against her skin
she tells him that
his lips taste like gumdrops
and his skin smells like
pine needles
and he doesn't know
what to make of her words
& how they're beautiful
& crazy all at once
she likes to breathe him in
little by little
to make sure memories
are gonna last
& there's an ocean in his eyes
she feels waves rocking
and she wants to float
and not drown
sometimes she's afraid
of her heart and all that she can feel
but this is the part
when they grow silent
and he traces his fingers down her back
because sometimes silence
is the best response

she promises they'll make it somehow
as she wipes the sweat from her brow
and she'll work her fingers to the bone
do whatever to make their house a home
when the night becomes quiet and still
the tears don't numb all that she'll feel
worry hangs like an anchor, it aches
she's made up of more than her mistakes
she dreams of a better life, a new tomorrow
she's smiling through the confusion and sorrow
she finds her salvation in many places
finds that hope in her children's faces
knows that strength is always within
each day is a fresh start, a place to begin
there's so much sweetness in her children's laughter
and this is all she needs for happily ever after
it's them against the world, a one way track
she has no reason to ever look back
because what was life before all this?
not a single moment she's willing to miss
but bills have to be paid, food on the table
she'll do it all (and more when she's able)
because she wants to give them so many things
give them roots and later their wings
role model for her daughter and son
she's two parents rolled into one

sometimes the sweetest thing heard
is the way we taste our words
how kindness spreads in all directions
and we can look past imperfections
sometimes the sweetest thing to see
is how life is such a mystery
and you never know how it will go
but it's a choice to wither or grow
sometimes the sweetest thing to feel
is anything and everything that is real
the hope, the fear, the joy, the pain
knowing there's sunlight after the rain
sometimes the sweetest thing to be
is the source of love, truth and beauty
it's in your actions, word and thought
to remember all that you've been taught
and always strive to be better

go on and sing your words, so sugary sweet
and i'll feel that rhythm in my feet
i'll want to dance the night away
if you tell me that you want me to stay
and i'll whisper softly, only the truth
take you back to our distant youth
and we will be free & fly like birds
promise you'll remember my words
because i won't always be here, in the now
you'll always find your way somehow
it's in the gentle words we speak
in the guiding hands we seek
the family we make, the friends we meet
the wealthy ones or beggars on the street
it's in the heart, this connection
that will lead us in the right direction
and find the life we're destined for
so always dream and hope for more
find the strength in how beautiful you are
and it won't matter if I'm near or far
don't let this life pass you by
spread your wings, it's time to fly
i'm already leaving this world behind
i'll always be yours and you will be mine
when you're lying in fields of clover
know that you'll find love over and over
in many forms, each one new
as long as you stay sweet and true
don't let the world make you sad
& find the good amongst the bad
find love in everyone you meet
and sing those song, so sugary sweet

will you stand & fight (poem by me)

will you stand and fight
for what is good & what is right
or will you hide in fear
afraid that someone might hear
if your opinions go against the grain
will you be the sun behind the rain
the truth always sets you free
if you are not afraid to be
yourself, complete and whole
it's your life, you're in control
the only opinion that matters in the end
isn't your family, your neighbor or friends
it's yours and yours alone
what you feel deep to the bone
so do what you feel is right
even if it's a losing fight
know that even if you feel rejected
we are still here, all connected
spiritual beings... having a human experience

untitled

i saw you standing on the street
you looked innocent, you looked sweet
and i knew that we were meant to dance
perhaps this was our only chance
and our paths may never cross again
i would've been happy to call you friend
but my time is short, moments fleeting
i can feel it in my heart, how it's beating
i knew that you would never be mine
because we're all just here on borrowed time
but my life is passing so fast
how i wish this moment would last
even though we didn't speak
i felt it proper to kiss your cheek
give a little wave and hurry away
but you really made my day
and when i close my eyes tonight
i'll remember how you held me tight
and never even knew that i was dying
i've embraced it now, no time for crying
i'm living every moment as full as i can
because it wasn't meant for me to understand
but i have to say thank you for giving me this
another little moment i won't have to miss
i saw you standing on the street
you looked innocent, you looked sweet

push away the darkness, the pain
& watch the world swallow your pain
give yourself up, finally be free
is this the person you should be?
don't let one day ruin them all
chasing dreams you're bound to fall
but you keep running, don't quit
find the pieces that finally fit
all the things that make you whole
are already there, inside your soul
it can be overwhelming, all the emotion
that rocks you like an ocean
should you laugh or should you cry?
almost makes you wonder why
we're here at all, the purpose, the plan
somethings we're not meant to understand
just breathe, take it slow
you already know which way to go
so push away the darkness, the pain
& watch the world swallow your pain

he waits by the window, everyday
for the little girl to come home and play
she's his favorite, he likes the smell of her
the way she runs her fingers through fur
and talks to him, even if he doesn't understand
she's never rough when giving a command
it's more like a question, a please do this
she tops it with a pat and he gives her a kiss
she lets him sleep in her big warm bed
gives him baths and makes sure he's fed
she listens, even though he doesn't talk
plays ball with him, takes him for a walk
somethings different, it doesn't make sense
no big yellow school bus pulling up at the fence
no little girl with pigtails and a happy smile
maybe he should just wait a little while
same thing happens day after day
why doesn't the little girl come home to play?
and the humans cry, the house is always too dark
and he knows now what its like to have a broken heart
he stops eating, though they all try
he just waits by the window as the days pass by
he doesn't understand how she can be gone
leaving him so desperate, feeling alone
because she was his, his one true friend
and he feels the changes in the wind
and how the world seems empty without her laugh
the roads look scary without her dancing down the path
and every sound makes him bark
when he can't find her hand in the dark
she was right, innocent and she was good
and now tennis ***** don't bounce like they should

see me in the water, dark and deep
i felt your hands holding me down
why did you want me to drown
what could i possibly do
i was a baby, only two
did you snap, did you break
it was more than you could take
was it really me who was to blame
i remember screaming your name
fighting, crying, finally giving up
you were the source of all my love
there were tears in your eyes
as you tried to ignore my cries
you said, "i'm sorry, baby go to sleep"
but the water was so cold and deep
i got so tired, couldn't fight
started drifting toward the light
& i saw such pretty things
carried away with angel wings
in that moment i was ready to forgive
the mother who wouldn't let me live
there's no pain here
no confusion or fear
even though my final moments were sad
i never thought that you were bad
only broken beyond repair
and when you're sitting in that chair
waiting for death
your final breath
i hope you find peace
something to calm the beast
so maybe you can
forgive yourself

you're not gonna bother to think
before you pour another drink
so go ahead and mix it up
until you feel like you're pretty enough
calm the thoughts that race through your mind
dancing around under lights that blind
looking for someone to hold you near
they'll whisper whatever you want to hear
determined the world will drive you insane
you can't stand to feel the pain
so here we go, you're gonna drink
bottles empty fast
trying to outrun the past
let go of the life that chains you down
baby you'll never leave this town
can't get one foot in front of the other
statistics, are you just another?
you have this plan every day
that you're not gonna let it slip away
that you'll fight whatever's worth fighting for
and you won't do this, drink anymore
and you feel like you're thinking clearer
until you look inside the mirror
feel the weights heavy like chains
and you know what will ease the pains
of life, of living
tired of giving
and it's so easy to fall
when you've lost it all
and the bottle knows your name

He promised her the sun
Promised her the moon
Because she was his only one
He never meant to leave so soon
He said she was his whole life
And she'd always have his heart
He wanted her to be his wife
He knew this from the start
In his arms he'd hold her tight
Whisper words so sweet
He'd watch her sleeping through the night
Listen to her heart beat
She never knew a love like this
So real and so sure
Magic in each and every kiss
All that she was waiting for
But life isn't always so kind
Not everything meant to be
And she would soon find
A life she didn't want to see
On a night so dark and cold
Even the angels wept
So many things left untold
To the boy who slept
Because he was her whole world
She promised him the moon
Something broke inside the girl
When death came too soon
Now her tears are plenty
She's lost her smile
It hurts to be so empty
She only had him a little while
She's sure she heard the angels weeping
Heard her own heart break
And now he's gone and sleeping
It feels like more than she can take

even though i don't know you yet
and i know we've never met
i feel so much love, straight from the heart
and i can't wait for you to be a part
of this family that's wanted you for so long
can't wait to play you a bedtime song
rock you to sleep in waiting arms
do my best to protect you from harms
teach you of the world i want you to know
watch you learn, see you grow
give you all i have to give
and you'll show me how to live
and make each day an adventure
i'll never feel anything as pure
i'll hold your little hand, touch your face
you make the world a more beautiful place
loving you will never be too late
and it will all be worth the wait
to the child i love so much
whose life i can't wait to touch
i may not have carried you
but this love is so true
because you were chosen

i wonder now what dreams she seeks
i remember baby pink sheets & rosy cheeks
i remember soft cries
looking in her big blue eyes
and my heart had never known that ache
would i ever think this was a mistake
but i was so far from home
15 years old and all alone
no where to go, no way to provide
to the child i had carried inside
i loved her, like i've never loved before
but i wanted her to have so much more
than i could ever give, than i would ever know
how i wish i could've watched her grow
every night i'd lie and weep
wishing i could rock her to sleep
and hold her close, hold her tight
singing lullabies to her through the night
i had to think of her, not just me
give her a future, an opportunity
one day something changed it all
as i sat there waiting for her to call
because she had found me after all these years
i've never felt so much, cried so many tears
when i finally heard my daughters voice
i knew that i made the right choice
because she said "thank you mom"

when he was younger, people called him a fool
and he never made it to high school
his daddy was a hard workin' man
he taught his son how to work the land
from sunrise to sunset
crops rise from blood & sweat
the only thing he could really know
was how to make things grow
until he met a woman that stole his heart
she was the bright light in the dark
she sang pretty songs that he didn't understand
she'd cook and clean while he worked the land
he wanted to learn, she planted the seed
she brought home books, taught him to read
they were happy, but not yet complete
the house was missing the sound of little feet
and storybooks and lullabies
they longed to hear a baby's cries
soon she grew heavy, baby inside
one that would be her father's pride
she grew up in a house full of love
told she could be whatever she dreamed of
we sit here now, graduation day
and i listen to the words she has to say
"my Daddy was a farmer, he loved the way things grew
and he cared for the animals, always knew what to do
he always did everything to make sure his family would survive
my Mama was a dreamer, she kept our hope alive
and gave me wings, taught me to fly
to always give thanks, never question why
and i wouldn't be here right now
if they hadn't always knew somehow
that i was destined to do something more
this is love, it's what family's for"

she was the woman he couldn't save
as he sits there beside her grave
and remembers how it used to be
when they were young, they were free
he just wanted her to have it all
he watched her slip, watched her fall
into a darkness he didn't understand
it was in the way she'd hold his hand
the way she'd cry herself to sleep
he didn't know the sadness was so deep
he'd buy her gifts, bring her flowers
stroke her hair, hold her for hours
promise her they'd have more time, maybe tomorrow
it wasn't him, he just couldn't see all the sorrow
he found fear in the freshness of cuts on her skin
and he wishes he could just say i love you again
he didn't see how she felt so alone
and now it's too late, she's already gone
pills by the bedside, too many to swallow
and he's never felt so empty, so hollow
a note wrote in shaky hand
begging him to try and understand
that this wasn't his fault, he wasn't too blame
a pain so dark and deep it didn't have a name
nothing caused this, the break in her mind
maybe happiness wasn't hers to find
but she wanted him to know
that wherever he should go
she'd always love him true
there wasn't anything that he could do
because he was already the best
in the life she had, it was such a mess
she didn't know how to make the pieces fit
the game was over, she had to quit
because the days seemed never-ending
it hurt too much to keep pretending
that she could be more than what she was
he finds comfort in this bottle, too much drinking
but it eases the pain so he's not thinking
and remembering
the woman he couldn't save

two days before Thanksgiving
you asked me to leave our house
because you were "tired"
and "unhappy" and "overwhelmed"
knowing i had no job, no car
& we would've been homeless
i couldn't make sense of it
and usually it was you who did
the leaving and i had to clean up the mess
every few months when you were "tired"
what you didn't tell me
came to light after you begged me
to come home
making promises you never
intended to keep
until she showed up at my house
in front of our daughter
playing messages where you
were telling her that you loved her
after knowing her maybe 3 weeks?
she wanted you to pay
for hurting her
not giving a ****
that i was someone's wife
& there was a child
within ear shot having to hear these things
she cried because you "broke her heart"
and i cried because nobody should've been hurt
i hugged her because i'm an idiot
for taking on a pain that wasn't mine
but i felt so guilty for all this
because i was so used to carrying your guilt
& you told me after we were evicted
that it was all about the money
that you were laying with the farmers daughter
because you somehow felt entitled to a better life
you should've told me these things
you should've been honest
but i've never been allowed that
and i thought i was strong enough
to make things work
but some things are so broken
that there's no mending
& it's useless pretending
& i'm sure there were so many others
because nothing about our "marriage"
was ever solid, or loving, or whole
it was just me being drug back and forth
promises, promises, promises
lies, lies, lies
and i never really knew you
because no one really does
you become whatever you need to
if it'll make your life "easy"
you were still doing terrible things
things that i will never tell anyone about
when i decided that i couldn't stay
because i was so close to breaking
and completely losing myself
and i honestly felt like i would die
had i stayed
and i wanted what was best
for everyone
& sometimes the best
is freedom