sometimes my words sound hollow
like a plot i just can't follow
and i wonder if this is me
or am i just trying to be
whatever makes things right
i wanna paint my words across the night
sew up wounds that never heal
just for once be okay to feel
i've locked my demons up inside
all these scars i tried to hide
and now i feel them bleeding through
so many things i want to do
but i've been holding back
in the shadows, in the black
the darkest night i had no calm
holding my dreams in my palm
feeling them slip between each finger
heart beats slowly, thoughts still linger
is this it? all that i have to give?
is this the life i choose to live?
everything here is a choice
i just have to find my voice
and scream
if you have a dream
you should go for it
whether you miss or hit
and there is so much more to me
than you can imagine, than you can see
but i have to believe it first

into the darkness, into the deep
she'll find a quiet place to sleep
where tears don't fall and words don't hurt
because no one ever valued her worth
and she was lost, afraid to fight
never knowing what's wrong or right
there once was pain filling up her heart
and it drove her into a life so dark
where nothing good would ever come
and she was just waiting for someone
to set her free, to let her go
so she could finally learn to grow
and then it happened, she was awake
and the world was hers to take
she had to find that strength within
and learn to love and feel again
she sits now, a smile lighting up her face
and knows she'll never return to that place
out of the darkness, out of the deep
she found something that was hers to keep

baby's got the blues
but she won't lose
that starry look in her eyes
paint it up with crimson skies
and spin her around
she don't wanna be found
because she dances with the night
there's no wrong, there's no right
just the feelings, pure emotion
she lets it rock her like an ocean
sometimes she's down, sometimes up
let her drink from a broken cup
will she laugh or will she cry?
sometimes she just wants to fly
& when she sings
she grows wings
and becomes an angel

disillusioned, she hopes that someone will care
about how much time she spends on make up and hair
lips so red and eyes lined black
how did she get so far off track?
she wears tight clothes, likes to show skin
but she knows that she'll never really fit in
and the lights they flatter
the areas that matter
in this club she likes to dance
maybe she'll get a second chance
to save herself, to finally live
if only she can learn to forgive
the ones that hurt her, left her to die
after time the tears run dry
and she feels empty, alone
no place that she can call home
because they took his word, called her a liar
locked her away when she set his house on fire
she runs his words through her head
how he tried to **** her, left her for dead
he said that good girls would never tell
and she told him she'd see him in hell
he ruined the good in her, made her afraid
mistake after mistake, it was all she made
years go by and they finally set her free
and she doesn't know who she should be
it's easiest here, in this dusty old bar
trying to find meaning in the backseat of a car
and night after night the memories return
all she can see is watching it burn
she doesn't know how to be whole again
and it makes her sick when they touch her skin
but she smiles through the pain
their words run down like rain
she knows when they take her hand
that they will never understand
how broken she really is

For years she lived
in a quiet hell
that nobody knew
she lost herself
withdrew because
she was made to feel
that she was nothing
there were affairs
and lies and empty promises
often times she'd cry
herself to sleep
because she only wanted
to be free
of all the darkness
and the emptiness
so she stayed for too long
until there was little left
but a shell of who
she once was
it progressively
got worse
each and every day
until she knew
this life wasn't meant for her
and that she was so much more
than what she had accepted
the deceit, the hurt
the feeling of entrapment
and abuse, over and over
she carried such a heavy shame
underneath a pretty smile
until the weight of it all
felt like it would crush her
until one day
one fateful day
it was enough
it was finally enough
and the fireman came
but they never saw her
holding the matches....

you hold on to your tears
like souvenirs
you won't let them flow
because you can't let go
memories and pain
wash over you like rain
and you're walking the same old path
afraid to smile, afraid to laugh
it doesn't hurt to frown
and no one will let you down
if you're always prepared
to distrust those who've cared
when you're ready, you'll move on
find the road that will lead you home
arms that welcome you
hearts that love you true
and never give up
because you're worth it

for every mark, every scar
that's led you to where you are
for every tear you've cried
every dream you tried
at the end of the day
it doesn't matter what you say
it's what lies within you
the things that you do
because actions speak loud
when you hold yourself proud
and know that beauty runs deep
so close your eyes and sleep
there's always brightness in tomorrow
when you free yourself from sorrow
and drop everything that's a chain
holding you here to your pain
when you embrace great things
you'll find your way, grow your wings

i see you stringing my words together
wondering if it's now or forever
and i saw that look on your face
that you were ready for the chase
because i was never easy to obtain
addicted to the beauty within the pain
i was best left alone
better at doing things on my own
no one there to drag me down
wanted to escape & leave this town
i grew my wings fast, over night
and i was ready to take that flight
into the unknown & find the truth
the misgivings of a misspent youth
then you caught me, completely unaware
the way you ran your fingers through my hair
and whispered words i needed to hear
you made it real, you made it clear
that i was always
worth the chase

to dream is like a dance
and we all have a chance
to go out & make our mark
be the light in the dark
the hope behind the pain
the sun chasing the rain
we are everything, we are one
the peace when the day is done
if we give ourselves up to each other
our family, our friends, our lovers
but we have to reach down deep
to the place where the mind sleeps
and realize we're more than we think
that we are evolving, always on the brink
of something bigger, something bright
stars burning across the night
it's within us all
to rise or fall
to hope, to love, to give
we can die or we can live
to dream is like a dance
and we all have a chance

you tell me i'm a *****
that i nag and whine
that i'm stupid
and useless
and you make me feel
so empty
so ugly
so crazy
when i tell you it hurts
so bad
too bad to keep going
you offer me a rusty razor
and tell me to just do it
because you're tired of hearing
my voice

all these thoughts will be set in motion
in your eyes i see the ocean
on your lips i'll taste the sea
this is the life you've given me
in your hands i'll feel the earth
finally i'll understand my worth
that it was never meant for man
too many people can't understand
that it's about loving yourself first
only then will you quench the thirst
and find that burning desire
nights will burn away like fire
there's no point in feeling alone
once it's felt it's never gone
because we are all connected, so deep
the sound of trees will lull us to sleep
dreaming, wishing, it's now a duty
to find the hope, the faith in beauty
it always feels so fresh and new
every time i dance with you

They were country club boys
who wore polos and expensive cologne
riding around in cars
bought with Daddy's money
and sneaking to smoke cigarettes
out in the edge of the woods
and they would mock her
they'd laugh at her
for being “beneath” them
for not having the proper
upbringing or the nicest clothes
until the shadows started to fall
and night crept in
it was her they came to for comfort
it was she who held their secrets
as they'd cry into her arms
and whisper all their thoughts
the boy with the crew cut
who didn't want anyone to know
that he liked other boys
or the boy with the shaggy hair
who hid the bruises where
his father liked to beat him
& she would cry with them
for all the pain they felt
even though it wasn't hers
and they never looked at her
in those moments
like she was an object
or beneath them
in those sweet moments
it was she who saved them
from themselves
from others
& during the days
when they'd shift their eyes
and go along with the jokes
she'd hide a smile
because she knew
this was just the image
and not who they really were

tell me something soft, something sweet
we'll dance right here on the street
under the lights
all these summer nights
rolling together
is it now or forever
in this moment, we have a plan
and you tell me you understand
when the tears start to flow
and the flowers don't grow
when the cold sets in
& i'm lost in sin
when i feel like i'm lost, drifting
the world feels like it's shifting
storms are brewing, clouds turn black
i don't know if i'll find my way back
because it hurts
to not feel my worth
to feel cracked and broken
these gentle words you've spoken
that give me hope, a reason to try
wings that are broken cannot fly
but they can heal
when you accept what you feel
& know that come tomorrow
there'll be no time for sorrow
sometimes it's just a day
when we're lost & need to pray
you're there for me, to remind
that faith has been mine to find
God has never left
even when I drifted

they dont know her, not like i do
behind the eyes turned black and blue
they don't see her, the way that i see
a caged bird that wants to be free
they see weakness, the unknown
who can't hide secrets in her home
and it's the fear of what they don't understand
that makes them unwilling to take her hand
offer words of comfort, support or hope
they might as well string up her rope
it's the indifference, how no one seems to care
they see an empty shell, but someone is in there!
i will always know her as the girl who hid among the flowers
who shared my secrets and we'd talk for hours
who saved every injured animal she ever met
is she really that easy to forget?
she baked cookies for those left old and alone
because she knew what it was like to not feel at home
to wander the streets, day after day
always seeking better, determined to find a way
she truly was good at heart
this is why it tears me apart
to know she deserved so much more
and never found what she was searching for
weeks pass and i'm still holding on
it hurts too much to think that she's gone
the girl who sang when the world was sad
a hard and dark life was all she had
but she hung on, longer than anyone expected
the girl who should've been protected
because she saw good everywhere
so tonight i'm going to say a prayer
and find faith that she's in a better place
where tears and bruises won't touch her pretty face

i pray these feelings will pass
sometimes your words cut like glass
and leave me so broken, so alone
in this place i try to call home
and i wanted more than this
how it hurts with every kiss
and sometimes i just feel afraid
picking apart all the decisions i've made
because is this me
who i wanted to be
or did i fall short, full of mistake
pain in every breath i take
when i feel worthless, empty
and the tears fall plenty
and i just wanna sleep
fall into the dark & deep
or grow wings and fly away
why even bother to pray
when it doesn't change
everything looks strange
it all starts to shatter
i just wanted to matter

Just when she thought
Of only broken things
Someone crossed her path
Her light, her destiny
Understanding from a similar soul
Awaiting on the other side

The days passed by
Haunted her from a distance
Every night more restless than the last
Only when they were together
Did it make sense, feel like home
Often she questioned her luck
Rolling with the change so sweetly
Every storm running out of rain

Always, she knows she loves him
Deeping, these emotions every day
Almost there, the wait almost over
Memories to be made
Such sweetness to be share

he can't remember where he got the knife
now he's behind bars, sentenced for life
was this the hand that he had been dealt?
didn't anyone understand just how he felt?
how days turned to endless night
was he wrong, or was he right?
the need to protect, his job as a father
that man never should've touched his daughter
and he still sees eyes so big, happy and brown
he screamed as they lowered her into the ground
she was so young, still had the world at her feet
she was so innocent, pure and sweet
and he took that, took everything away
and justice wasn't served, he had to pay
so the father watched, he would wait
fueled by anger, consumed by hate
he watched as the life left the man's eyes
and imagined the screams, his daughters cries
he thought he'd feel relief
something other than grief
but the hole grew bigger, too deep
and in this cell he starts to weep
for the whole world and it's people

sometimes i wanna shed this skin
& know what it's like to begin again
let go of the weight that drags me down
there's got to be more than this town
the life that i've created, part of me
all the things that i want to set free
i've struggled to bury it deep
sometimes i just wanna sleep
wake up to something more
find something worth fighting for
thoughts weighing heavy on my mind
struggling against the chains that bind
but of all the words ever said
truth in this: there's hope ahead
life is fleeing moments, passing us by
there's always a reason to hope, to try
like a flame that's burning bright
watching stars fill up the night
take a moment to sing and laugh
i'll leave a trail of words, follow the path

whether it's the joy or the pain
you feel it pouring down like rain
and will it ever end
break or bend
give it all or give it up
how do you know if it's enough
when the road seems rocky, path grows dim
will you sink or will you swim
it's the in between
waking or dream
that you have to figure out
who knows what it's all about
this life, the journey or destination
can you handle any situation
because life is full of twist and turn
will you fade away or will you burn
decisions, they're always yours to make
will you always give or will you take
let it all just slip away
it's up to you at the end of the day

they wanted numbers, they wanted names
she stood there watching it go up in flames
they said it was a breakdown, descent in to madness
but no one ever grasped the depth of her sadness
and how quick a candle could start a fire
carefully placed near a faulty wire
she stands there, both eyes black
the straw that broke the camels back
when he threw her down the stairs last night
ten years she's spent trying to avoid the fight
the hands that hold her down
that push and pull and slap her around
too far gone, she felt she had no use
it was all her fault, every incident of abuse
something she did, to provoke him that way
on her knees every night trying to pray
that this would stop, it would end
no family, not a single friend
just the loneliness that tears her apart
too long living with a broken heart
when love should never be like this
hard hands, empty words, sealed with a kiss
and a promise it'll never happen again
well this time it won't.

i.
will you walk me through the storm
and keep me safe and warm
will you love me through sunshine and rain
and try to save me from the pain
when i feel like i'm going to break
will you love me after every mistake
and welcome me home
the only place that i belong
will you see yourself in me
am i what you want me to be
when i feel like i'm not good enough
will you be there to show me love
and will you always have my hand
& try your best to understand
give me roots, give me wings
show me the beauty in simple things

ii.
i will walk you through the darkest night
and always help you find the light
i'll protect you no matter the weather
you're in my heart, now and forever
i'll piece you back together should you fall
and i know you're ready to give it your all
home is where people love you for all that you are
and as long as you need me i won't be far
i see bits and pieces of myself shining through
you should know that no matter what you do
always good enough, more than you know
it doesn't matter where you go
i'll be ready anytime, any place
to offer you that comforting embrace
God gave you life, I was the tool
never let the world make you cruel
see the beauty in simple pleasure
because your life is truly a treasure
i'll love you, so be free and wild
i am your mother, you are my child

where are you going, where have you been?
i wonder if i'll ever find you again
the way your mind is start to slip
this has been the most difficult trip
years together, i wasn't prepared
to let go of the life we shared
sorrow washes down like rain
as i watch you suffer, see your pain
and i feel so helpless, so alone
sometimes it's like you're already gone
disease crept in, like a thief
left us wrapped up in our grief
sometimes i wish i could set you free
find the man you used to be
the one that was lost along the way
now struggles through life every day
i know it wasn't your choice
to forget my face, forget my voice
i feel it cracking, pieces of my heart
i wonder if i'll find my way through the dark
i'm tired of questioning why
i can't save you or i'd try
but i'm here
and i love you

It was all over her face
the way she fell from grace
and couldn't find her way back
stumbling through the black
and the night left scars
that glowed like stars
tears were falling plenty
hurts so much to be this empty
this was all she ever knew
this world so cold and blue
no hope here, no warmth would find her
she couldn't remember the way things were
and she wants and she needs
she cries and she bleeds
but nothing can ease the pain
how this love has left it's stain
maybe she can forget
what it's like to know regret
and rise up from the ashes
but she's been burning so long

stars shining against inky skies
and you can't find the truth in my eyes
all the lives i've known before
always seeking something more
than this
steal a kiss
seal it with your word
sweetest thing i ever heard
i always liked pretty things
try to distract you from my wings
that have turned dark as coal
something stirs inside my soul
passion? hope?
where's the rope?
i'll lasso it in
so i can live again
across foreign sands
searching for your hands
to bring me back home
the only place i belong
if you taste the pain
you'll know that tears stain
and you can't outrun the past
sometimes memories last

will you stand & fight (poem by me)

will you stand and fight
for what is good & what is right
or will you hide in fear
afraid that someone might hear
if your opinions go against the grain
will you be the sun behind the rain
the truth always sets you free
if you are not afraid to be
yourself, complete and whole
it's your life, you're in control
the only opinion that matters in the end
isn't your family, your neighbor or friends
it's yours and yours alone
what you feel deep to the bone
so do what you feel is right
even if it's a losing fight
know that even if you feel rejected
we are still here, all connected
spiritual beings... having a human experience

speak softly and whisper me truths
the adventures of a misspent youth
and we will laugh about those days gone by
and when the sadness comes it's okay to cry
you're here now, you made it this far
burning brightly, shining like a star
when so many people tried to hold you back
you kept on pushing, right on track
never giving in, never giving up
having faith and believing in love
and knowing that the world will always go 'round
it was in these quiet moments that you finally found
all the good you had inside
the "you" that you were trying to hide
looking back, you finally see
the person that you wanted to be
is the one you have become

some nights i can't sleep
because the silence is so loud
and i find my mind wandering
& i won't attempt to lie
when i tell you i'm scared
of where i've been
and the confusion
of not knowing where i'm going
i try so hard to keep the faith
to plaster that smile on my face
but sometimes i cry myself to sleep
because the world seems so big
and i'm not sure which way to turn
because i've never been so good
with directions and choices
some nights i can't sleep
because i'm so exhausted
that i feel tired deep into my bones
and i just wanna rest
but i'm always on the fight or flight mode
running, running, running
from everyone and everything
because sometimes i don't want
people to know me
because people leave
& you're left with memories
that burn and ache
sometimes i can't sleep
because this is when the questions
keep bouncing around in my head
and i don't know how to silence it anymore
but sometimes i just wish
that i could sleep

close your eyes and count to ten
and you'll see where to begin
this is your life, this moment, right now
nevermind the why, forget about the how
the answers are already there
there's so much beauty for you to share
in your smile, in your laughter
don't chase happily ever after
make it happen, it's a choice
in this life we're meant to rejoice
whether you're a sinner or saint
the canvas is there for you to paint
so spread your colors, spread them bright
let your words fill up the night
be yourself because you shine
know that you're gonna be just fine
when your spirits need that lift
remember that you were a gift

when you found me
little was left of my heart
just parts pieced together
bruised and battered
and i thought you were
going to save me
but little by little
you just
chip, chip, chip
until there's barely
anything left
and it would hurt
if i could feel
but i'm empty
and your words
they burn, they sting
in those brief moments
when i can feel anything
it's the pain, the realization
that i'll never be
much of anything

you said you wanted the truth
the ramblings of a misspent youth
as if it'd set us free
there was always more to me
than anyone gave me credit for
how i always wanted more
is it bittersweet?
when two worlds meet
how i longed for a simple life
to be a mother, to be a wife
days pass by and i'm too tired to sleep
and i feel a fire burning way down deep
i close my eyes and try to see
is this really the best of me?
somedays the world seems strange
living a life where things don't change
i know i wouldn't change a thing
little hands in mine, my wedding ring
somedays i know you feel it too
and it never was about you
it's me, this wild and new desire
to light the night, set the world on fire
be the change i want the world to see
all these dreams that make up me

untitled

i saw you standing on the street
you looked innocent, you looked sweet
and i knew that we were meant to dance
perhaps this was our only chance
and our paths may never cross again
i would've been happy to call you friend
but my time is short, moments fleeting
i can feel it in my heart, how it's beating
i knew that you would never be mine
because we're all just here on borrowed time
but my life is passing so fast
how i wish this moment would last
even though we didn't speak
i felt it proper to kiss your cheek
give a little wave and hurry away
but you really made my day
and when i close my eyes tonight
i'll remember how you held me tight
and never even knew that i was dying
i've embraced it now, no time for crying
i'm living every moment as full as i can
because it wasn't meant for me to understand
but i have to say thank you for giving me this
another little moment i won't have to miss
i saw you standing on the street
you looked innocent, you looked sweet

she sits in her garden for hours and hours
always loved the dirt, the smell of flowers
her hands are gnarled and scarred by time
but he always tells her she looks just fine
each morning he pushes her chair
into the sunlight, out in the fresh air
and he sees the tear roll down her cheek
and knows it hurts her that she can't speak
so he finds the words she's searching for
let's her know she's the one he'll always adore
he struggles to keep the garden nice and neat
sings her songs with words so sweet
he braids her white hair
and puts the flowers there
remembers her when she was twenty
the love, the laughter, memories are plenty
there's heaviness in his heart, every day
because he knows that she's slipping away
he takes her hand, places it close to his heart
and promises her they'll never really be apart
in this garden she will always be
ready to give him all he can see
she will wait until the time is right
to lead him into the promised Light
and they will return home, together
this love has always been forever

Bring us your dead
your empty caskets
and wilted flowers
bring us your lost hope
and forgotten dreams
because these nightmares
never rest
bring us your despair
your beautiful
little disasters
and we'll close them
all up
in little boxes
bury them
at the foot
of long lost mountains
bring us your sins
and your secrets
and we'll burn them up
and you can be reborn
because all those dead
things are taking up room
and crushing your insides

standing in the sand, down by the sea
will you be there, waiting for me?
you don't have to understand
just be there to take my hand
will you lead me or let me go
maybe i don't want to know
i just need your lips on mine
words whispered sweet like wine
& i will always see your face
across all time & space
it's always moments like this
that i don't want to miss
a minute of being with you
& how we always make it through
when i find myself against a storm
it's your arms that keep me safe & warm

she likes to tell him that
his eyelashes remind her
of feathers, black feathers
like a crow
and he laughs
it vibrates against her skin
she tells him that
his lips taste like gumdrops
and his skin smells like
pine needles
and he doesn't know
what to make of her words
& how they're beautiful
& crazy all at once
she likes to breathe him in
little by little
to make sure memories
are gonna last
& there's an ocean in his eyes
she feels waves rocking
and she wants to float
and not drown
sometimes she's afraid
of her heart and all that she can feel
but this is the part
when they grow silent
and he traces his fingers down her back
because sometimes silence
is the best response

sometimes you'll find yourself walking a rocky road
wondering how you're ever gonna carry this load
when you're feeling lost and alone
remember all paths will lead to home
where the heart is, even if it's broken
your memories, thoughts unspoken
the things that led you to where you are
saying a prayer and wishing on every star
because this wasn't the life you dreamed of
feeling confused, empty, longing for love
sometimes it feels like it's too much to take
but you won't crumble, you won't break
because you are meant to be here, in the now
and the dark times pass, we can't question how
just know that it's a moment and then it's gone
and you wont always feel this alone
no matter how bad things seem
life is the waking dream
and good things are meant to be
when you're not holding on to a memory

she wasn't beautiful
and so long ago
gave up trying
but she was real
and she was kind
and she wanted
the world to be better
she saw it
for it's real face
like a sickness
& we were all infected
but it was like
too many people
were putting bandaids
over the infection
instead of trying to change
what was really wounded
because it was easier
to just smile
& pretend
that it was all okay
and people could be cruel
and ugly and sad
if we didn't mention it
but that wasn't life
not the life she wanted
she wanted them to see
that broken things
cracked things
can be so beautiful
because that's how
the light gets in
and even when
she wasn't beautiful
and never would be
she wanted to make
the world beautiful

he liked to play cards
with the old men
at the hospital
where his mama worked
because they'd tell him jokes
that he didn't quite understand
he could laugh and no one
would make fun of him
and sometimes they'd give him
their desserts
sometimes the old man
named George would cry a little
when he looked at him
and that would make him sad
but he said he reminded him
of a boy he used to know
and that he hoped he stayed
just the way he was
the kids at school
called him slow (stupid, *******)
and played tricks on him
sometimes he would cry
but sometimes he would
feel those fists flying
because they hurt him first
and then his mama would cry
because they'd send notes home
and she would say "i have my hands full.
why can't you just try harder?"
so he'd try harder and he'd keep
things to himself
and he wouldn't tell
what it was like when one of his teachers
took him into a closet after school
and made him do terrible things
and he wouldn't tell when
mama got a new boyfriend
and he'd hit him every time
that mama was gone
and he wouldn't tell
how much it hurt
that he knew he was different
but he couldn't change
and he wouldn't tell
when he went into the bathroom
to swallow some pills
because sometimes it's so hard
not to tell

you can't love a woman who writes
maybe you think you'd like to try
but it's really almost impossible
it takes so much time
and people are impatient
but if she writes
then she has dreams
she envisions a life
you may not be able to imagine
she can take her words
& spread them across the night
and make something beautiful
out of almost nothing
you might think that you'd like this
someone who can find the hope
in all that's broken
but really it's so... exhausting
and you'll expect to be some elaborate
part of the book of Her
but if you can't live up to it
please don't try because people
get hurt in the process
and nothing hurts her more
than others suffering
don't use that against her
just let her be who she needs to be
if you want to love her know
that there's a lot of emotion there
a lot of inner struggle
that has nothing to do with you
don't make it about you
because it rarely ever is
sometimes she's gonna be sad
or frustrated or lonely
because that's who she is
but maybe it's best
not to love a woman who writes

Sometimes i think it's tragic
how the world has lost its magic
how we turn blind eyes to those in need
when we all cry, laugh, love and bleed
we all have souls, bodies are just on loan
and someday we'll leave, we'll be gone
what kind of life are you living?
are love & kindness gifts you're giving?
our differences are what makes us unique
you have a voice & a choice to speak
sometimes i think i was born to fight
taught to stand up for what is right
when you're carrying that heavy load
know that there's blessings down the road
that you get back what you put out
so free yourself from worry & doubt
be the best you that you can be
fill the world with love and you are free

even though i don't know you yet
and i know we've never met
i feel so much love, straight from the heart
and i can't wait for you to be a part
of this family that's wanted you for so long
can't wait to play you a bedtime song
rock you to sleep in waiting arms
do my best to protect you from harms
teach you of the world i want you to know
watch you learn, see you grow
give you all i have to give
and you'll show me how to live
and make each day an adventure
i'll never feel anything as pure
i'll hold your little hand, touch your face
you make the world a more beautiful place
loving you will never be too late
and it will all be worth the wait
to the child i love so much
whose life i can't wait to touch
i may not have carried you
but this love is so true
because you were chosen

I found you
so lost and helpless
and I tried to call for you
to let you know
my love is forever
that no matter what
I would give my life for you
time and time again
I'd bear that cross
if it meant forgiveness
for your sins
because i know that you
yes, you
are so much greater
than you believe
i walk with you
even when you cannot see
and i try to let you know
i'd never abandon you
because you are part of me
and we're all made of love
when you are blind
i will sing to you
when you go deaf
i will touch your hand
and someday
when we're face to face
you may ask me why
I've wept
and I will say
out of love my child
because no matter how dark
you were led by faith

when you feel like it's too much to bear
just know that i'll always be there
when the world turns to gray and black
and you can feel the wolves at your back
when the night feels so cold and dark
& all the worries are heavy in your heart
when you lose the stars in the sky
and your mountains seem too high
when you feel like you're all alone
i'll be there to guide you home
when you feel confused and out of place
remember my words, remember my face
when you're drinking from a broken cup
i'll be praying you never give up
because this life is so beautiful, so real
and sometimes it's too hard to feel
without it becoming such a drain
and you empty it out, hold the pain
and you can't, you have to let go
of everything you think you know
grow your dreams big and bright
and watch them dance across the night
because you are worth so much more
than you give yourself credit for
even though my body isn't here
i don't want you to shed a tear
you don't have to see
to know that it's me
because i am always with you

skies of blue and fields of green
walk with me inside this dream
braid flowers through my hair
and we'll pretend the world isn't there
in these moments of smiles and laughter
this is what i've been after
these moments of peace
and the sweet release
of being myself, full & whole
can you see inside my soul
because i feel you dancing there
whispered words float through the air
and my heart skips a beat
to find a feeling this sweet
and this pure
but are you sure?
do you really understand
how i feel when i hold your hand
because i feel magic

I like the way words tasted
rolling from your lips
the gentle way you'd hold me
hands on my hips
and we'd dance
like there was no tomorrow
and you'd look at me
and I'd forget my sorrow
we were so young
and so full and free
you are my hope
another part of me
and every time I've felt
like completely giving up
I lose myself in your eyes
and I know this is enough

two days before Thanksgiving
you asked me to leave our house
because you were "tired"
and "unhappy" and "overwhelmed"
knowing i had no job, no car
& we would've been homeless
i couldn't make sense of it
and usually it was you who did
the leaving and i had to clean up the mess
every few months when you were "tired"
what you didn't tell me
came to light after you begged me
to come home
making promises you never
intended to keep
until she showed up at my house
in front of our daughter
playing messages where you
were telling her that you loved her
after knowing her maybe 3 weeks?
she wanted you to pay
for hurting her
not giving a ****
that i was someone's wife
& there was a child
within ear shot having to hear these things
she cried because you "broke her heart"
and i cried because nobody should've been hurt
i hugged her because i'm an idiot
for taking on a pain that wasn't mine
but i felt so guilty for all this
because i was so used to carrying your guilt
& you told me after we were evicted
that it was all about the money
that you were laying with the farmers daughter
because you somehow felt entitled to a better life
you should've told me these things
you should've been honest
but i've never been allowed that
and i thought i was strong enough
to make things work
but some things are so broken
that there's no mending
& it's useless pretending
& i'm sure there were so many others
because nothing about our "marriage"
was ever solid, or loving, or whole
it was just me being drug back and forth
promises, promises, promises
lies, lies, lies
and i never really knew you
because no one really does
you become whatever you need to
if it'll make your life "easy"
you were still doing terrible things
things that i will never tell anyone about
when i decided that i couldn't stay
because i was so close to breaking
and completely losing myself
and i honestly felt like i would die
had i stayed
and i wanted what was best
for everyone
& sometimes the best
is freedom

you fill your pockets full of sorrow
and hope things look better tomorrow
words won't come and tears can't wait
in the back of your mind it's already too late
there's no hope here, no light
can't get through the darkest night
there's no future, no faith that you can find
so you push those words to the back of your mind
"tumor...inoperable... 6 months to live."
it's not fair, all the things you were ready to give
the joy, the love, feels like it's been ripped away
how can you go on another day
when it's all been in vain
and you know nothing but pain
and you pray, every night
that there is a light
and more to life than what you know
a place where you can go
when it's all said and done
somewhere beyond the sun