you can cut your hair
dye it, straighten it
curl it or throw it in a pony tail
you can work out
mold your body to perfection
or eat cake and try not to worry
you can paint your nails
line your eyes
and slather on lip gloss
or roll outta bed and get dressed
you can be what "they" want
or who you want
and whatever that may be
you're perfect
just the way you are
if you're happy
so ladies
please love yourself
be kind to yourself
and to each other

stitch me up, with needle and thread
and calm the noise inside my head
and all the thoughts that bring me down
the emptiness of this town
it weighs me down like a wet coat
sink or swim or will i float?
sing to me, soft and sweet
calm the tapping of my feet
nervous habits are hard to break
and sometimes it's too much to take
do you know what this is, the way i feel
when it's hard to distinguish what is real
because the world is just so full
and i can feel her pull
and i'm afraid i'll fall
why do i risk it all?
for the beauty of the joy and pain
music pours down like rain
and my senses are so alive
i don't know that i'll survive
because it always seems like too much
the way we laugh, the way we touch
longing to be connected
adored and respected
and then left alone
to find my way home
because i always need that space
and the peace of finding my place
in this world covered in dust and vines
i long for the sun and how she shines
but even the rays become too bright
and i crave the comfort of the night
because i can hide
the way it feels inside
to feel so much
all at once

when the night seems too dark
and you've lost all heart
you don't know where to turn
or which bridges to burn
and you're looking for some hope
tie a knot at the end of your rope
so you can hang on
and be strong
this life
is worth the fight
bring me the tears
you've collected over the years
and i'll fill my pockets up
and show you you're good enough
don't let go
until you know
you won't break or shatter
and that you do matter

so heavy, she wore her sadness like a coat
swam in it, never knowing if she'd sink or float
and all the dreams that drifted away
left her empty, with nothing to say
she cries but no tears will come
can't even remember what she's running from
only that she has to go, further and faster
away from this life, self created disaster
she hangs her head in guilt and shame
feeling like she only has herself to blame
not knowing how to fix all that's wrong
she's holding on but for how long
when the night seems too open, too dark
the silence is deafening, save her pounding heart
and it's fear, always the fear
that something bad is near
within her, like a fire burning bright
sometimes she feels too tired to fight

see me in the water, dark and deep
i felt your hands holding me down
why did you want me to drown
what could i possibly do
i was a baby, only two
did you snap, did you break
it was more than you could take
was it really me who was to blame
i remember screaming your name
fighting, crying, finally giving up
you were the source of all my love
there were tears in your eyes
as you tried to ignore my cries
you said, "i'm sorry, baby go to sleep"
but the water was so cold and deep
i got so tired, couldn't fight
started drifting toward the light
& i saw such pretty things
carried away with angel wings
in that moment i was ready to forgive
the mother who wouldn't let me live
there's no pain here
no confusion or fear
even though my final moments were sad
i never thought that you were bad
only broken beyond repair
and when you're sitting in that chair
waiting for death
your final breath
i hope you find peace
something to calm the beast
so maybe you can
forgive yourself

will you ******* dreams
when you come and dance with me
things aren't always what they seem
what you get, it's not always all you see
i was darker than night
and full like the moon
when it all feels right
we'll be singing this tune
wordless, weightless, drifting along
floating, falling, opened up
so enchanted by your song
and the deepness of love
keeps me pure
it feels like truth
never been so sure
this is youth
untainted, warm and free
will you ******* dreams
when you come and dance with me

she promises they'll make it somehow
as she wipes the sweat from her brow
and she'll work her fingers to the bone
do whatever to make their house a home
when the night becomes quiet and still
the tears don't numb all that she'll feel
worry hangs like an anchor, it aches
she's made up of more than her mistakes
she dreams of a better life, a new tomorrow
she's smiling through the confusion and sorrow
she finds her salvation in many places
finds that hope in her children's faces
knows that strength is always within
each day is a fresh start, a place to begin
there's so much sweetness in her children's laughter
and this is all she needs for happily ever after
it's them against the world, a one way track
she has no reason to ever look back
because what was life before all this?
not a single moment she's willing to miss
but bills have to be paid, food on the table
she'll do it all (and more when she's able)
because she wants to give them so many things
give them roots and later their wings
role model for her daughter and son
she's two parents rolled into one

come sing me a song
because life feels wrong
and i need a hand to help me up
turns out i was drinking from a broken cup
and the eyes of the night
became too clear and bright
left me too stunned to speak
was i really that weak?
sitting here on the banks
looking for reasons to give my thanks
coming up empty
problems, i had plenty
but i wasn't ready to see the end
so come sit with me friend
and tell me all the reasons
we drift through the seasons
i was feeling broken and afraid
trying to understand this life i made
help me forget
the road to regret
i was lost along the way
looking for another day
looking for who i used to be
somewhere trapped inside of me
come sing me a song
sometimes the night seems too long

the world wasn't always so cold & black
won't you let me take you back
to a time where lightnin' bugs lit up the skies
and we'd play in the creek & make mud pies
baseball in back yards, homeruns past the fence
back in the day where life made more sense
and the biggest worry was your mama getting mad
you didn't know what it was like to really be sad
we'd make a bed, right there in the grass
didn't know the world was made of glass
back then things were so sure
and we were all so pure
so beautifully untainted
oh the life we had painted
we'd play without worry, without fear
laugh so loud the whole world could hear
find the joy in such simple things
playground tag, racing to the swings
and it was impossible for us to hush
always moving, always in a rush
too ready to just grow up
time couldn't pass fast enough
so now i tell my children to take it slow
because they still have a long way to go
but that time will pass before we know it
sometimes you can't go back but you can remember

when i start to feel too much
that's when pen and paper touch
at times the world is cold and gray
and i just get through day by day
then colors come bursting through
grass never greener, sky so blue
and i go with it, because what are choices?
writers use words and emotions have voices
this is where i find myself, all the parts of me
that struggle to explain, to grow and break free
it's in the words i cannot speak
with eyes so tired and lips too weak
and when i feel like i'm falling apart
with the world weighing heavy on my heart
i bring feelings out, with the things i write
singing a broken song somewhere in the night
and the stars shine
the hope that is mine
is in my hands, waiting to be written

she knows what this will bring
she can already feel the sting
of the slap that's sure to come
but she's just too tired to run
last night's beating should've been the last
one wrong word and it was happening so fast
hands around her throat, hard to breathe
because she said it was time for her to leave
and he thinks of her as a possession
the object of his anger, his obsession
long sleeved shirts and sunglasses only go so far
to hide all the bruises and all the scars
lying to everyone, each time a new excuse
but she's running out of reasons for this abuse
and she finds the dark, there's comfort there
and she's just too weak to care
that this may be the end of her life
her only crime was being his wife

I carried you around, a promise in my heart
and knew that I'd love you from the very start
such precious gifts given to me
in my childrens eyes I see
all the hopes I'd almost lost
prepared to protect at any cost
these angels, blessings I didn't feel worthy of
taught me the meaning of life, and how to love
skinned knees, hurt feelings, tears that fall
i see this world and want to give it all
and make all their dreams come true
i find myself amazed in everything they do
they give me strength, they give me meaning
a reason to grow and continue dreaming
these miracles that are my children

she wanted to sparkle, she wanted to shine
they'd pat her head and tell her she was fine
it may glitter but it'll never be gold
the world wasn't hers to hold
arms come up empty
when promises are plenty
eyes become afraid to see
that she is young, she is free
the chains that bind
are hers to find
she has the key
this is just a memory
of a life painted black
nothing has to hold her back
voices fade in and out
between a whisper and a shout
she's drinking from a broken cup
it's these things that wake her up
the night seems so long
she'll sing a broken song
in these moments there's peace
she'll find a sweet release
and she'll know
that she's meant to grow
and she will sparkle
she will shine

when I hold your little hand
i hope that you will understand
the things i want you to see
are all the things i know you can be
the sky is the limit, you can have it all
but you can't ever be afraid to fall
get knocked down and you'll get back up
and the world will always give you just enough
it's up to you to use your gifts, make your way
find yourself and all the reasons to pray
always be ready for what life has in store
and know that you are so much more
that you are made of love and light
and always give me a reason to fight
to hope for bigger and better things
you gave me life, i'll give you wings
in your eyes i see the stars, the moon
i know this time will pass so soon
these little moments fill up my heart
you were my life from the start
and i'm so thankful for this
with each hug, each kiss
i know that my life was never complete
until i had a love this sweet
and nothing makes me quite as proud
as when i hear those words out loud
of mama i love you
but i'll always love you more

he wore a story across his face
head bowed down, so out of place
scars always run deeper than we see
all he wanted was to feel free
from the looks, questioning eyes
but he's always ready with new lies
stories to spin because the truth is too dark
the way it aches and twists in his heart
a busted vase, mama's new flowers
the nightmares come in waking hours
the abuse was a truth too brutal to share
and in the end would anyone care
the boy that no one wanted, the "mistake"
he knew someday she'd finally break
in the house that was never a home
she lit a fire and left him alone
but he knew mama was never stable
the loving part of her, it was never able
to kiss boo-boo's or hold his hand
it wasn't for him to understand
and now he sits here, day after day
looking for a new reason to pray
hoping that someone will love him as is
because this choice, it was never his
the scars on his face are hard to bear
and he just longs for someone to be there
to love him, this sweet broken boy

she was the woman he couldn't save
as he sits there beside her grave
and remembers how it used to be
when they were young, they were free
he just wanted her to have it all
he watched her slip, watched her fall
into a darkness he didn't understand
it was in the way she'd hold his hand
the way she'd cry herself to sleep
he didn't know the sadness was so deep
he'd buy her gifts, bring her flowers
stroke her hair, hold her for hours
promise her they'd have more time, maybe tomorrow
it wasn't him, he just couldn't see all the sorrow
he found fear in the freshness of cuts on her skin
and he wishes he could just say i love you again
he didn't see how she felt so alone
and now it's too late, she's already gone
pills by the bedside, too many to swallow
and he's never felt so empty, so hollow
a note wrote in shaky hand
begging him to try and understand
that this wasn't his fault, he wasn't too blame
a pain so dark and deep it didn't have a name
nothing caused this, the break in her mind
maybe happiness wasn't hers to find
but she wanted him to know
that wherever he should go
she'd always love him true
there wasn't anything that he could do
because he was already the best
in the life she had, it was such a mess
she didn't know how to make the pieces fit
the game was over, she had to quit
because the days seemed never-ending
it hurt too much to keep pretending
that she could be more than what she was
he finds comfort in this bottle, too much drinking
but it eases the pain so he's not thinking
and remembering
the woman he couldn't save

tired, too tired to sleep
where emotions run deep
and the night becomes too long
singing off-key, my broken song
and i can't find the way
so i wish, i hope, i pray
that something will deliver me
this isn't who i want to be
i should've already been better than this
instead of everything so hit & miss
and falling all apart
scars on my heart
i've tried it time and again
never really fitting in
but i take it, with a grain of salt
maybe it isn't entirely my fault
perhaps i've always felt more than i should

sometimes this world makes me sad
the hate, the hurt, treating each other bad
sometimes it makes me wanna give up
where's the faith, where's the love?
it seems like everything is always a fight
where's the line between what's wrong or right?
the way we treat our young, our old
why do people need to be so cold?
i shake my head in desperation
sometimes it's hard to find inspiration
when there's so much ugly around
i wanna dance but i can't hear a sound
i wanna write but words won't come
losing track of where i came from
this isn't who i wanted to be
the vision i always had of me
has been corrupted, turned upside down
it's worldwide, it can't be just this town
i see it on every corner, every turn
the way we're letting the world burn
poverty, neglect, loneliness, greed
why doesn't everyone have what they need?
i feel my insides filling up like a storm
and it's now that the tears form
for this world i cannot save
time treats me like a slave
i find hope in these moments, buried deep
when i'm on the verge of sleep
memories of a kiss between mother and child
passing by a field of flowers growing wild
an old couple on a park bench, married forever
a group of children laughing, playing together
man on a bus that gives a pregnant woman his seat
the smell of grandma's house, always something sweet
the feel of snowflakes on mountaintops or rivers rushing by
and now i sit here and wonder how i ever wanted to cry
because the world is full of so many things
car alarms going off or how the bird sings
whether is someone giving birth or accepting death
it's in every move you make, in every single breath
it's all about perspective
the world is
whatever you say it is

when it's quiet and there's nobody there
she finds herself saying a prayer
that God will make her strong
and the nights won't be so long
because she deserves that happy ending
sometimes it's so hard just pretending
that she's not a little hurt inside
and the things she has to hide
she knows she's always tried her best
and she realizes that she is blessed
with wonderful kids that love her so
and it makes her smile to watch them grow
and i want to tell her, it won't always be this way
that time will heal all and there will come a day
when she finds that place that she wants to be
and these hard times will be a distant memory
because she is so much stronger than she thinks

when you see the world in black and white
you can't see the difference between wrong or right
clouded eyes seen so much deception
but really it's all about perception
and how the world will spin & turn
will you drown or will you burn?
in your sorrows or fueled by fire
life is half battles, half desire
will you choose to stand and fight
behind every darkness there's a light
if it's worth it in the end
you won't break, maybe bend
this world has tears that are not yours to cry
so will you crumble or will you fly?
is your cup half full or becoming empty
seek the beauty because there's plenty
if you can see it in your mind
there's always truth that you will find
and you can hold it in your hand
if you take the time to understand
that you hold the key to everything

i'll sing softly, until you're asleep
i know you were never mine to keep
i'll ignore the tears that roll down my face
because i know you'll be in a better place
my decisions, you shouldn't have to pay
every night i'll get down on my knees and pray
that you find such happiness, a family of your own
i'm so sorry that i couldn't give you a home
but i'm too young and i don't know what to do
and all i want is what's best for you
i never knew a pain that could rip me apart
but i feel it now, the way it's breaking my heart
for nine months i kept thinking that maybe
there'd be a way i could keep my baby
but i'm stumbling, lost and afraid
papers are signed, decisions made
the best i've ever been was wrapped up in you
tiny fingers and toes, eyes so soft and blue
and i will hold on to these moments we had together
you will be in my heart always and forever
i cry as i give you my final kiss
i hope someday you'll understand this
and you'll grow up happy

Around 8 there was much confusion
testing and needles and transfusions
the chemo made him so sick
hard to breathe, the air is thick
he lost all his hair when he turned nine
his parents wishing they could turn back time
to when he was healthy, when he was whole
but there is much that we can't control
so they'd say prayers by his hospital bed
kiss his face and stroke his head
sing him songs and read him books
they didn't bother to notice the looks
people felt pity beneath whispering voices
gave advice and questioned their choices
when he turned 10 he was ready to go
their little boy who would never grow
he'd never become a man, never know life
robbed of a future family, children and a wife
he wouldn't get his license or reach graduation
never feel the sun from summer vacations
so they took him out of the hospital at his request
and he said that was the part that he liked best
because he knew it was time to go home
but they should never feel alone
because he saw angels, everywhere
so not to feel lonely because he'd be there
a whisper in the wind, stars that shine at night
they had to let him go, he was too tired to fight
it wasn't about giving up, or giving in
it was the promise of seeing them again
in a place where flowers always bloom
and little boys can catch the moon
they'll see him, they'll know he's free
no more pain and misery
so in silence they will weep
for their little boy who went to sleep
and woke up in a better place
healthy, whole, his smiling face

the world fell away - poem by me

his head was pounding, feeling sick
fog like a blanket, heavy & thick
he saw a girl standing in the curve
& he tried his best to swerve
tires squealing, rubber burning
all at once the world stopped turning
she was running, she came out too fast
and it was his face that she'd see last
drunken, disoriented, completely unaware
he stumbled, slipping in the blood everywhere
and she reached for his hand, in the dark
it was so loud... the breaking of his heart
he watched her die, watched her go
he realized this was a girl he used to know
they'd hold hands down by the swings
and she would talk of such pretty things
while he drank liquor straight
and she'd always beg him to wait
sober up, before he had to drive
if he would've listened she'd be alive
but that was years ago, time slipped away
he'd never forget the way she looked that day
when she said it was over, they were through
because with him her world was too many shades of blue
and the quiet was overwhelming, the alcohol too strong
it all felt like a burden, everything seemed wrong
there were tears in her eyes
as she listened to his lies
that it wouldn't be like before
she told him she couldn't do it anymore
and they parted ways, like lovers sometimes do
each day his addiction just grew and grew
there were more drunken moments than any other
he'd leave one bar just to hit up another
she was looking for him that night, heard how far he'd gone
and all she wanted was for him to be safe, to bring him home
and there was so much that she wanted to say
but she was blinded by the lights, the world fell away

i don't know how much more i can take
before i finally crumble and break
tired of feeling worthless, i dont matter
i can feel each crack, my heart's gonna shatter
because this wasn't the life i planned
sitting here just trying to understand
when i became so useless, wanna give up
tired of drinking from a broken cup
and thinking things are gonna get better somehow
but it didn't then and it's not happening now
i'm tired of feeling unpretty, unwanted
looking in the mirror, eyes so haunted
by the person i used to be
and i just wish i could see
how i ever thought i deserved anything
because i guess i really don't

i was a good girl, only speaking when spoken to
honest and forgiving, tried to keep my words true
and kept promises and secrets, no time for lies
but there was always more than meets the eye
i was quiet, a little shy
never questioning, asking why
just doing what i thought i should
being all i felt i could
because i wanted to believe
that true friends don't leave
and that people were good at heart
i tried to be funny, tried to be smart
tried to be what i thought was wanted
but on the insides i just felt haunted
lonely and lost, always drifting
and the world beneath me was shifting
a change was coming, it was coming soon
i saw it in the stars, felt it in the moon
and the rain fell down
and covered this town
in ashes and despair
i was the only one there
i walked away, burning bright
like a fire against the night
and i knew that i really matter
that i wouldn't break or shatter
that the world was mine, i make it my own
my life, my family, my friends and home
i'm not the girl i used to be
she's long gone, a memory
i'm stronger and better
than i ever was

I know what its like
to feel worthless
useless
ugly and stupid
i know what it's like
to be laughed at
to be hated
to feel like
i'm nothing
but i always prayed
that maybe, just maybe
someone would save me
and find beauty there
somewhere deep
hidden from the world
who sees me as hideous
bad, wrong... trash
and they would kiss
away the sadness
and tell me
i'm beautiful
but i realize
it may never happen
so i'll just take this world
day by day

she was perfect in the beginning
before the botox and hair extensions
the adding to and taking from
her body endured
the smile that she faked
with teeth that weren't hers
but they were perfect
just like you expected her to be
and i watched her fade away
no longer the person she used to be
but she had to be perfect
for you
because you couldn't stomach
the thought of being with someone
who wasn't, could never be
a model of the things you desired
in the flesh, yours to hold
but her heart was no longer
the one you used to know
the one you fell in love with
because this one was empty
just like you wanted her to be
because if she had to be perfect
she could never be herself

i see colors that i have never seen
and it's like falling from a dream
when i can't help but feel
that all of this is real
no longer lost and empty
hope is here, i have plenty
i am flying, being lifted up
full of faith, knowing love
and it's these moments i truly live
i want to dance and laugh and give
the seeds of kindness i want to plant and grow
it's the love for each other that i pray we all know
i wish we could have more faith in each other
and feel comfort among each sister and brother
but until then i won't give up on me
and the world won't tell me who to be
and how to act and how to speak
i know strength because i was weak
each moment is a gift, the joy and the sorrow
appreciate it, we're never promised a tomorrow

go on and sing your words, so sugary sweet
and i'll feel that rhythm in my feet
i'll want to dance the night away
if you tell me that you want me to stay
and i'll whisper softly, only the truth
take you back to our distant youth
and we will be free & fly like birds
promise you'll remember my words
because i won't always be here, in the now
you'll always find your way somehow
it's in the gentle words we speak
in the guiding hands we seek
the family we make, the friends we meet
the wealthy ones or beggars on the street
it's in the heart, this connection
that will lead us in the right direction
and find the life we're destined for
so always dream and hope for more
find the strength in how beautiful you are
and it won't matter if I'm near or far
don't let this life pass you by
spread your wings, it's time to fly
i'm already leaving this world behind
i'll always be yours and you will be mine
when you're lying in fields of clover
know that you'll find love over and over
in many forms, each one new
as long as you stay sweet and true
don't let the world make you sad
& find the good amongst the bad
find love in everyone you meet
and sing those song, so sugary sweet

you say you need a drink
i say moderation
while you sit there and think
where's the consideration
and when did life become so sour
lemon-taste on your lips
we just sit and pass the hour
life slipping through fingertips
you say you can quit anytime
i just shake my head
whether it's the whiskey or the wine
i'm afraid you'll end up dead
it's addiction, fueled by pain
you say it's the bitterness
things wired up wrong in your brain
there's so much here you're gonna miss
if you don't stop and look around
it's not the bottom of the bottle you seek
where all answers can be found
i plant a kiss upon your cheek
and promise to say a prayer
you say i'm being selfish
but i say it's because i care

She’ll lick the ashes
Break the bones
Girls like her
Don’t follow you home
Fire in pockets
Stars in hair
Chaos and storms
You’ll find her there
Beneath the trees
Under the moon
She’ll dance, swaying
To a forbidden tune
Her heart was heavy
Full of ache
Weight of the world
Enough to break
& all those bruises
Where tears would stain
She was half the joy
And half the pain
All the things blended
Becoming one
She’s burning bright
Like the sun
Not knowing
Who she should be
But the chains will rattle
When the prisoner is free

you're not gonna bother to think
before you pour another drink
so go ahead and mix it up
until you feel like you're pretty enough
calm the thoughts that race through your mind
dancing around under lights that blind
looking for someone to hold you near
they'll whisper whatever you want to hear
determined the world will drive you insane
you can't stand to feel the pain
so here we go, you're gonna drink
bottles empty fast
trying to outrun the past
let go of the life that chains you down
baby you'll never leave this town
can't get one foot in front of the other
statistics, are you just another?
you have this plan every day
that you're not gonna let it slip away
that you'll fight whatever's worth fighting for
and you won't do this, drink anymore
and you feel like you're thinking clearer
until you look inside the mirror
feel the weights heavy like chains
and you know what will ease the pains
of life, of living
tired of giving
and it's so easy to fall
when you've lost it all
and the bottle knows your name

you said you need me like water, like air
as you braided flowers in my hair
and whispered sweet words in my ear
the truth is now, it's all right here
you made me feel alive, free
like there was some good in me
you kissed my flaws, all my scars
and said in my eyes you saw the stars
and life before was just a blur
and you didn't know just who you were
but it was me, your saving grace
you knew it the moment you saw my face
the pain i'd hidden down so deep
unable to cry, it was hard to sleep
but you loved me, gave me a song
watched me breaking all night long
but it was in the morning light
that i found my will to fight
never give up, no matter the trial
learn to let go & how to smile

feels rough, like nails in your side
and you just want to run & hide
the way it crumbles... such a mess
and you can't fight the brokeness
the darkness wants to drag you down
water so deep you're gonna drown
lost and stumbling inside a bad dream
stuck between whisper and scream
sky grows gray, clouds roll in
you know you're gonna cry again
but tears don't come when you're too tired to fight
always searching for that hope, a simple light
to let you know you're not alone
that someday you'll make it home
in this land where even trees weep
the dead walk and there's no sleep
blood and violence are plenty
eyes hollow and words so empty
lost inside yourself, human or beast?
waiting for that sweet release
a reason to struggle through
something or someone to save you
but you have to save yourself

when they were young they were brave
i think of the love my parents gave
and how they tried to teach us right
to never give up without a fight
how they would work multiple jobs to make ends meet
to make sure we had clothes on backs, food to eat
and they rose above their circumstances
to make sure we always had those chances
to be everything that we could be
when you're a child you can't see
the sacrifices your parents make
how they love you after every mistake
and they want the best for you
because they know what you can do
they were young when they decided to marry
knew the world was theirs to carry
and even when it felt like everything was going wrong
they made things right because they were strong
i think now that my brother and i are grown
we see the true value in family and home
my parents had little help along the way
and when the whole world seemed bleak & gray
they'd find that silver lining
the sun was always shining
when you have that faith
that you were not meant to break
and i'm so grateful
for my roots

feels like inside out & made of glue
only seeing things in gray and blue
close my eyes but i won't sleep
the water here is so dark and deep
everything inside starts to burn
don't know if i will ever learn
feels like fresh air, sunshine
sipping on the finest wine
laughter and music, dancing too fast
either way this won't last
feels like a roller coaster, a trap
no one ever gave me the map
when i feel so lost and there's no way to go
planting seeds but nothing will grow
i busted my lip on this broken cup
don't know if i should go on or just give up
but i will struggle and i will fight
until i can find my way, my light
seek and hopefully i will find
the pretty parts of my mind

untitled (poem by me)

lift me up because i can't fly
& i'm only pretty when i cry
when all my dreams turn to dust
i know that there's nothing to trust
you can never really outrun the pain
all these tears are gonna leave a stain
when i feel so lost in the crowd
how this silence sounds so loud
i wonder if i'll fall apart
missing pieces of my heart
have left me feeling dead inside
what's it worth, the tears i've cried
feels like i'm falling, gonna crash
there's no light in the smoke & ash
darkness calling, like a sad song
i wasn't meant to be this strong

Sometimes I just wanna feel
all that's right and all that's real
because I don't wanna be numb
I wonder if i'm the only one
with chaos raging in my head
I think of all the times I bled
for others, and their empty hearts
that I don't know just where it starts
the separation from others
sisters and brothers
because I feel like a vessel, a force
when i'm just trying to stay on course
they bleed into me, shed their tears
confess their sins, confess their fears
come to me when they're broken, as if I can heal
when I just wanna be alive (and feel, feel, feel)
something that's mine, don't take that away
always searching for that better day
I feel it building, in my eyes a storm will rage
my insides feeling empty, my heart in a cage
building up walls
just to watch them fall

she was like fire in the rain
the sweeter side of pain
a mix of adventure and danger
who never met a stranger
held her head up high
& watched the world go by
not really having a care
all her dreams were there
like a cloak that kept her warm
she was the thunder in the storm
the lightning streaked across the sky
but she wouldn't blink an eye
because there was little left to surprise
when she could see where beauty lies
and hear the sound of music in the wind
she wouldn't shatter, break or even bend
she was the embodiment of mystery
and chose to never reveal her history
sometimes pain left wounds so deep
but she wouldn't let anyone see her weep
because she was so strong
in the wild she found her song
and she sang it with a bleeding throat
would she sink or would she float
either way it wouldn't matter
to the girl who would never shatter

"Mama, teach me how to pray
I'm not sure what to say
are you sure He'll hear
will my words reach His ear?
are you sure i can speak?
when He is strong & i am weak
does God know what's in my heart?
and can He lead me through the dark?
when i bow my head in prayer
is He really always there?
are you sure He hears it all?
sometimes my voice seems so small"
sweet child, no matter the place, the hour
trust that there is a Higher Power
One who loves us, pure and true
He will always see us through
there's no right thing to say
when you bow your head to pray
because He will listen and knows your fears
and never likes to see your tears
and He will guide you through the dark of night
and show you the beauty of the morning light
when soft breeze blows through your hair
know that that is God, he is there
in everything, in everyone, He surrounds
and loves you without bounds
because you are His child, His creation

on a broken pedestal she sits
she likes the way the night fits
and the way the silence surrounds
she can think without those sounds
how this world has grown so gray
fading in from day to day
but she imagines a better world
where she's not just another girl
but she's somebody, someone
who ropes the moon, hangs the sun
her footprints make a trail of stars
burning beneath her becoming scars
upon this world she's made her own
she can't remember what it's like to be alone
and it all becomes so still
in this moment she can feel
everything she's ever had
the fear, the hope, the good, the bad
crashing together like an ocean
she feels sick from the motion
time, the greatest thief
and she feels relief
she will make it, she always has

heartache, i've felt plenty
when dreams leave me empty
there's nothing left to cry
when all my tears run dry
and i can picture it in my head
going over the words you said
and i'm stepping into a tub, water so clear
it's your hate, your bitter voice i hear
that brings me closer to the knife
this isn't living, this isn't life
when it overwhelms, just waking up
knowing i've never been worthy of love
i feel the old familiar sting
know i can't change anything
everything has twists and turns
but i like the way my skin burns
when i feel the cold metal against my skin
and silently hope i won't wake up again
too much time alone to think
watching the water turning pink
because i couldn't cut deep enough

All that was lost
I finally found
your name makes
the sweetest sound
when it leaves my lips
it feels like a song
at last I finally
feel like I belong
to someone
that was once a dream
you're my sun, moon
and everything in between
it feels complete
when i'm holding your hand
come dance with me
in a strange land
where the stars
are falling among the grass
and the seas are made
of gold & glass
my life reflected
in deep brown eyes
come away with me
under glittering skies

bury your secrets in a shallow grave
sit quietly and try to behave
but what's life if you're not living?
promises kept and promises given
it's you, in the moment, all that's real
and no one can tell you how you should feel
it's only once, this world you know
and you can shatter or you can grow
sometimes we all get lost, falling off track
you can't get these days or memories back
so just do it, give it your all
the strongest people learn to fall
and get back up and learn to fight
for all that's good, all that's right
your decisions, it's all about choice
learn to find that strength, use your voice
because sometimes it's all you have

push away the darkness, the pain
& watch the world swallow your pain
give yourself up, finally be free
is this the person you should be?
don't let one day ruin them all
chasing dreams you're bound to fall
but you keep running, don't quit
find the pieces that finally fit
all the things that make you whole
are already there, inside your soul
it can be overwhelming, all the emotion
that rocks you like an ocean
should you laugh or should you cry?
almost makes you wonder why
we're here at all, the purpose, the plan
somethings we're not meant to understand
just breathe, take it slow
you already know which way to go
so push away the darkness, the pain
& watch the world swallow your pain

i wonder who you are to teach
maybe you should practice what you preach
and not focus on all the bad
of a world gone completely mad
i think it's always been your duty
to find the truth, to find the beauty
to love each other, through and through
because it's the right thing to do
you have no place to judge, to condemn
to tell other's that they sin
you pedestal will crack, you will fall
because you just can't have it all
you can't say what's right or wrong
who fits in and who doesn't belong
because we are all different, all unique
why do you feel the need to speak
to express discontent
over how their time is spent
because it really shouldn't matter
i fear that someday you will shatter
because you claim to be perfect
& nobody is

For My Children

I will never be perfect
and sometimes I won't be fair
but you will always know
just how much I care
I carried you within me
heart, body and soul
I never knew this love
until you made me whole
it will be my job
to always protect
to guide you, teach you
about honesty and respect
to love you without condition
for all of time
I am so proud
that I can call you mine
you are my babies
my sweetest days
and I will be there
forever and always
so no matter what you do
no matter where you go
you will find the strength
and the hope to always grow
I loved you before I knew
just how beautiful you'd be
you're the greatest blessings
ever given to me

Grow Your Wings (poem by me)

for every mark, every scar
that's led you to where you are
for every tear you've cried
every dream you tried
at the end of the day
it doesn't matter what you say
it's what lies within you
the things that you do
because actions speak loud
when you hold yourself proud
and know that beauty runs deep
so close your eyes and sleep
there's always brightness in tomorrow
when you free yourself from sorrow
and drop everything that's a chain
holding you here to your pain
when you embrace great things
you'll find your way, grow your wings