She’ll lick the ashes
Break the bones
Girls like her
Don’t follow you home
Fire in pockets
Stars in hair
Chaos and storms
You’ll find her there
Beneath the trees
Under the moon
She’ll dance, swaying
To a forbidden tune
Her heart was heavy
Full of ache
Weight of the world
Enough to break
& all those bruises
Where tears would stain
She was half the joy
And half the pain
All the things blended
Becoming one
She’s burning bright
Like the sun
Not knowing
Who she should be
But the chains will rattle
When the prisoner is free

Around 8 there was much confusion
testing and needles and transfusions
the chemo made him so sick
hard to breathe, the air is thick
he lost all his hair when he turned nine
his parents wishing they could turn back time
to when he was healthy, when he was whole
but there is much that we can't control
so they'd say prayers by his hospital bed
kiss his face and stroke his head
sing him songs and read him books
they didn't bother to notice the looks
people felt pity beneath whispering voices
gave advice and questioned their choices
when he turned 10 he was ready to go
their little boy who would never grow
he'd never become a man, never know life
robbed of a future family, children and a wife
he wouldn't get his license or reach graduation
never feel the sun from summer vacations
so they took him out of the hospital at his request
and he said that was the part that he liked best
because he knew it was time to go home
but they should never feel alone
because he saw angels, everywhere
so not to feel lonely because he'd be there
a whisper in the wind, stars that shine at night
they had to let him go, he was too tired to fight
it wasn't about giving up, or giving in
it was the promise of seeing them again
in a place where flowers always bloom
and little boys can catch the moon
they'll see him, they'll know he's free
no more pain and misery
so in silence they will weep
for their little boy who went to sleep
and woke up in a better place
healthy, whole, his smiling face

For My Children

I will never be perfect
and sometimes I won't be fair
but you will always know
just how much I care
I carried you within me
heart, body and soul
I never knew this love
until you made me whole
it will be my job
to always protect
to guide you, teach you
about honesty and respect
to love you without condition
for all of time
I am so proud
that I can call you mine
you are my babies
my sweetest days
and I will be there
forever and always
so no matter what you do
no matter where you go
you will find the strength
and the hope to always grow
I loved you before I knew
just how beautiful you'd be
you're the greatest blessings
ever given to me

All that was lost
I finally found
your name makes
the sweetest sound
when it leaves my lips
it feels like a song
at last I finally
feel like I belong
to someone
that was once a dream
you're my sun, moon
and everything in between
it feels complete
when i'm holding your hand
come dance with me
in a strange land
where the stars
are falling among the grass
and the seas are made
of gold & glass
my life reflected
in deep brown eyes
come away with me
under glittering skies

For years she lived
in a quiet hell
that nobody knew
she lost herself
withdrew because
she was made to feel
that she was nothing
there were affairs
and lies and empty promises
often times she'd cry
herself to sleep
because she only wanted
to be free
of all the darkness
and the emptiness
so she stayed for too long
until there was little left
but a shell of who
she once was
it progressively
got worse
each and every day
until she knew
this life wasn't meant for her
and that she was so much more
than what she had accepted
the deceit, the hurt
the feeling of entrapment
and abuse, over and over
she carried such a heavy shame
underneath a pretty smile
until the weight of it all
felt like it would crush her
until one day
one fateful day
it was enough
it was finally enough
and the fireman came
but they never saw her
holding the matches....

she wasn't beautiful
and so long ago
gave up trying
but she was real
and she was kind
and she wanted
the world to be better
she saw it
for it's real face
like a sickness
& we were all infected
but it was like
too many people
were putting bandaids
over the infection
instead of trying to change
what was really wounded
because it was easier
to just smile
& pretend
that it was all okay
and people could be cruel
and ugly and sad
if we didn't mention it
but that wasn't life
not the life she wanted
she wanted them to see
that broken things
cracked things
can be so beautiful
because that's how
the light gets in
and even when
she wasn't beautiful
and never would be
she wanted to make
the world beautiful

Just when she thought
Of only broken things
Someone crossed her path
Her light, her destiny
Understanding from a similar soul
Awaiting on the other side

The days passed by
Haunted her from a distance
Every night more restless than the last
Only when they were together
Did it make sense, feel like home
Often she questioned her luck
Rolling with the change so sweetly
Every storm running out of rain

Always, she knows she loves him
Deeping, these emotions every day
Almost there, the wait almost over
Memories to be made
Such sweetness to be share

Bring us your dead
your empty caskets
and wilted flowers
bring us your lost hope
and forgotten dreams
because these nightmares
never rest
bring us your despair
your beautiful
little disasters
and we'll close them
all up
in little boxes
bury them
at the foot
of long lost mountains
bring us your sins
and your secrets
and we'll burn them up
and you can be reborn
because all those dead
things are taking up room
and crushing your insides

Sometimes I just wanna feel
all that's right and all that's real
because I don't wanna be numb
I wonder if i'm the only one
with chaos raging in my head
I think of all the times I bled
for others, and their empty hearts
that I don't know just where it starts
the separation from others
sisters and brothers
because I feel like a vessel, a force
when i'm just trying to stay on course
they bleed into me, shed their tears
confess their sins, confess their fears
come to me when they're broken, as if I can heal
when I just wanna be alive (and feel, feel, feel)
something that's mine, don't take that away
always searching for that better day
I feel it building, in my eyes a storm will rage
my insides feeling empty, my heart in a cage
building up walls
just to watch them fall

some nights i can't sleep
because the silence is so loud
and i find my mind wandering
& i won't attempt to lie
when i tell you i'm scared
of where i've been
and the confusion
of not knowing where i'm going
i try so hard to keep the faith
to plaster that smile on my face
but sometimes i cry myself to sleep
because the world seems so big
and i'm not sure which way to turn
because i've never been so good
with directions and choices
some nights i can't sleep
because i'm so exhausted
that i feel tired deep into my bones
and i just wanna rest
but i'm always on the fight or flight mode
running, running, running
from everyone and everything
because sometimes i don't want
people to know me
because people leave
& you're left with memories
that burn and ache
sometimes i can't sleep
because this is when the questions
keep bouncing around in my head
and i don't know how to silence it anymore
but sometimes i just wish
that i could sleep

he liked to play cards
with the old men
at the hospital
where his mama worked
because they'd tell him jokes
that he didn't quite understand
he could laugh and no one
would make fun of him
and sometimes they'd give him
their desserts
sometimes the old man
named George would cry a little
when he looked at him
and that would make him sad
but he said he reminded him
of a boy he used to know
and that he hoped he stayed
just the way he was
the kids at school
called him slow (stupid, *******)
and played tricks on him
sometimes he would cry
but sometimes he would
feel those fists flying
because they hurt him first
and then his mama would cry
because they'd send notes home
and she would say "i have my hands full.
why can't you just try harder?"
so he'd try harder and he'd keep
things to himself
and he wouldn't tell
what it was like when one of his teachers
took him into a closet after school
and made him do terrible things
and he wouldn't tell when
mama got a new boyfriend
and he'd hit him every time
that mama was gone
and he wouldn't tell
how much it hurt
that he knew he was different
but he couldn't change
and he wouldn't tell
when he went into the bathroom
to swallow some pills
because sometimes it's so hard
not to tell

He started out, just a young man
with big dreams and a spot of land
he worked his fingers to the bone
determined to do this on his own
all the people in the town
knew he worked from sun up to sun down
they'd shake their heads with worry
because he never seemed in a hurry
to build a family, find a wife
he seemed content with a simple life
then it happened without much warning
as he was sitting in church on Sunday morning
and he heard her voice, it was honey-sweet
he couldn't calm his heart beat
and when she caught his eye
he didn't stop to question why
no one had ever made him feel this way
gave him so much beauty, reasons to pray
they started courting, falling fast
his first love would be his last
because he was a serious man
who loved his woman, loved his land
and he wanted to build a life
with the lady he asked to be his wife
they were blessed for many years
struggled through laughter & tears
grew together, made a home
she never made him feel alone
she put the song in his heart
put him together when he fell apart
and he loved her, like the sun loves the sky
but now he sits and wonders why
death came slipping like a thief
left him alone in his grief
she was his world, his queen
and he still finds her in a dream
dancing among the silky grass
and he wants those moments to last
how he is so full of life, of love
but then he wakes up
and she's gone, she's really gone

They were country club boys
who wore polos and expensive cologne
riding around in cars
bought with Daddy's money
and sneaking to smoke cigarettes
out in the edge of the woods
and they would mock her
they'd laugh at her
for being “beneath” them
for not having the proper
upbringing or the nicest clothes
until the shadows started to fall
and night crept in
it was her they came to for comfort
it was she who held their secrets
as they'd cry into her arms
and whisper all their thoughts
the boy with the crew cut
who didn't want anyone to know
that he liked other boys
or the boy with the shaggy hair
who hid the bruises where
his father liked to beat him
& she would cry with them
for all the pain they felt
even though it wasn't hers
and they never looked at her
in those moments
like she was an object
or beneath them
in those sweet moments
it was she who saved them
from themselves
from others
& during the days
when they'd shift their eyes
and go along with the jokes
she'd hide a smile
because she knew
this was just the image
and not who they really were

You can't touch me
unless you're so full of intention
& I can see where you've written
promises all over my skin
you can't hold me
unless I know
that there are better days ahead
because i've had quite enough
of people trying to break me
because they can't handle
the way I shine sometimes
and you can't love me
if you don't know me
which is the good and the bad
the secrets I hold inside my heart
all the darkness that I used to know
you can't want me
if you don't try
to keep me
which means never
making me feel
like i'm second best
because i'm not one
to play games
when I know
how short
this life is

Once upon a time
I was weak
I let other people
lead me, break me
make up what I should be
but those days
are behind me
i'm not that weak
little women
who flinches at words
or fears hard hands
that's not me
and never again will it be
I mostly feel like I was sleeping
that the life I was living
was just a dream
that I was not that girl
because how could I let it happen
but now i'm awake
rising from the fire
my skin smeared with ashes
from burning down
the image of what
people thought of me
i'm like a lion
& when I roar
it will shake mountains
and it will instill fear
so just because i'm quiet
and I try to be sweet
doesn't mean that there's not
a beast rolled up inside me
and she will f*ing bite

I saw flowers floating
in the water
ripple, ripple
making little waves
and her hand caressed the water
thinking, thinking
should I?
“What's left for me here”
and she closes her eyes
she remembers dreams
and the life she had
before the darkness
came and took her over
and the days faded into gray
she hums a sad little song
and lets the tears fall
wondering if anyone
could ever hear her
if she screamed loud enough
she let rain fall softly on her skin
and emotions felt like they
were burning into her flesh
and she just wants to feel... whole
and not so empty
she's close, so close to the edge
of the boat, that could save her
if she's willing to just give up
roll her body into the water
and just say goodbye
to this world
and all it's weight
but she takes a deep breath
looks at the sky & sees
the promise
sunshine in the sky
so she smiles
and floats back to shore

He reminded me of a perfect storm
ocean waves taking form
with his hand in mine
kisses sweet like wine
no longer just trying to survive
I felt awake, free and alive
deep brown eyes, lovely crooked grin
I was ready for this adventure to begin
I waited for so long
played my life like a song
waiting for someone to hear
understand what I held dear
every word he spoke became part
I felt it vibrate straight to my heart
running deep into my soul
feelings running out of control
and every time he touched my face
it felt like magic, a happy place
it felt right, fitting so well together
I want this to last forever
but I know it's too soon
to promise the stars & moon
but the way I feel, so very deep
felt just like falling asleep
and waking into a dream
and it was him

Rainy days make her manic
& certain sounds make her panic
wild eyes and long dark hair
dancing around without a care
to chase the demons, fight the dark
just calm the racing of her heart
when she can't get a grip
& can feel it all slip
she feels like screaming
to stop this dreaming
and let go of this disease
that brings her to her knees
she'll fold her hands and pray
that she makes it through another day
and that she escapes this prison she built
like a flower you can watch her wilt
her moods go from happy to sad
and people say it's not that bad
but they don't know, they don't see
how she's fighting to be free
from herself, her worries, her fears
she spent so long hiding the tears
and she hides the sickness, the scars
that cover her body like stars
and she just wants that chance
to be normal, so she'll dance

two days before Thanksgiving
you asked me to leave our house
because you were "tired"
and "unhappy" and "overwhelmed"
knowing i had no job, no car
& we would've been homeless
i couldn't make sense of it
and usually it was you who did
the leaving and i had to clean up the mess
every few months when you were "tired"
what you didn't tell me
came to light after you begged me
to come home
making promises you never
intended to keep
until she showed up at my house
in front of our daughter
playing messages where you
were telling her that you loved her
after knowing her maybe 3 weeks?
she wanted you to pay
for hurting her
not giving a ****
that i was someone's wife
& there was a child
within ear shot having to hear these things
she cried because you "broke her heart"
and i cried because nobody should've been hurt
i hugged her because i'm an idiot
for taking on a pain that wasn't mine
but i felt so guilty for all this
because i was so used to carrying your guilt
& you told me after we were evicted
that it was all about the money
that you were laying with the farmers daughter
because you somehow felt entitled to a better life
you should've told me these things
you should've been honest
but i've never been allowed that
and i thought i was strong enough
to make things work
but some things are so broken
that there's no mending
& it's useless pretending
& i'm sure there were so many others
because nothing about our "marriage"
was ever solid, or loving, or whole
it was just me being drug back and forth
promises, promises, promises
lies, lies, lies
and i never really knew you
because no one really does
you become whatever you need to
if it'll make your life "easy"
you were still doing terrible things
things that i will never tell anyone about
when i decided that i couldn't stay
because i was so close to breaking
and completely losing myself
and i honestly felt like i would die
had i stayed
and i wanted what was best
for everyone
& sometimes the best
is freedom

she's more honest than she should be
and sometimes it gets her in trouble
she wants to make the world
better, bigger, brighter
and people can't understand
how important that is to her
& she tries to put it out there
over and over again
look i'm awkward
i'm made of flaws and scars
sometimes i think too much
i feel too much, i want too much
and they push it aside like it's
just more of her ramblings
and it doesn't matter
but really it does
because at the end of the day
she doesn't change
& they say intelligent people
are usually more lonely because
they know what "settling" means
and they're not fit for that
sometimes they settle with something
for so long that
it partly crushes everything
they're made of
and she's been there
walked that hard road
that broken path
and she knows she never will again
she tells you that she's a dangerous
thing to love, not something to be taken
so lightly (like people always do)
it's a warning, it's giving you that freedom
(because isn't that what everyone wants)
so don't get trapped inside her head
her heart because she may not
be able to keep you
and it hurts her to see that
so don't get too close
please, she asks so nicely
because it rarely ever ends well

she likes to tell him that
his eyelashes remind her
of feathers, black feathers
like a crow
and he laughs
it vibrates against her skin
she tells him that
his lips taste like gumdrops
and his skin smells like
pine needles
and he doesn't know
what to make of her words
& how they're beautiful
& crazy all at once
she likes to breathe him in
little by little
to make sure memories
are gonna last
& there's an ocean in his eyes
she feels waves rocking
and she wants to float
and not drown
sometimes she's afraid
of her heart and all that she can feel
but this is the part
when they grow silent
and he traces his fingers down her back
because sometimes silence
is the best response

Ernest Hemingway once said
write hard and clear about what hurts
what he didn't say was that sometimes
it'll feel like needles against your skin
like swallowing ashes
and your heart is racing
he didn't tell you that
sometimes writing
about what hurts isn't always so clear
you can write it out
you can mix your words
make them sound beautiful even if they are
so full of pain and shame
so you can write hard and clear
about what hurts
but just know that the after effects
aren't always as beautiful
& poetic as you'd like
sometimes it leaves a burn
a scar in places no one sees

my life was literally
falling down all around me
and you were my friend
the only friend i really had
and i talked to you all hours of the night
about what went wrong in life
and why people turn out the way they do
i found comfort in your voice
words that seemed to soothe me
give me that peace i so desperately needed
five years of not being "allowed" to be emotional
to be thoughtful or loving
because it was "inconvienent"
and i was too much and so tiresome
and i knew that and i tried to change
i tried to fit the needs of others
and it left me so empty
walking around like a shell, a ghost
of who i used to be
and i hurt inside all the time
but you gave me that brief glimpse of hope
and you whispered sweet words
that became empty promises
and that part hurt, i'm not going to lie
it bothered me so much because
really it was pointless
and it never should've happened
because we can't just be friends
i was never wired that way
and i'm sorry for you
because i could've been
the best friend you ever had

i was locked in a little box
sometimes it was hard to breathe
and i just wanted some warmth
some comfort, some care
but your touch was always cold
and there was always loneliness there
from your inability to love anyone
or anything
and you just left so many broken
in your path
i spent so long trying to help you
trying to mold you into something better
because i really thought it was possible
because why wouldn't someone want
to just be good and do good
but it was always lies, betrayal
it was long nights and so many tears
it was losing myself, my friends
anyone who cared about me
would be pushed away
or would look sad when they seen me
because i became so empty
because what was the point in being me
when i was always told how
wrong & worthless i was
and it hurt, it hurt a lot
to be treated that way
when i never tried to make you feel
less than or unimportant
and i believed in you
when the whole world could see
right through you
but one day it was like an awakening
and i knew that my heart couldn't
stand another minute of this
and i left, broke those chains
and you didn't see it coming
because you thought i'd always be
whatever you told me i should be
well... ******* man

she likes her music loud
& to read long books
she likes good movies
with twisted plots
and she likes to hear
the sound of your laughter
or whispers at 3 am
when you can't hold
your secrets anymore
and she likes to stand
in the shadows and observe
or listen to people when
they talk and you can feel
their emotions rolling into yours
and she feels so much in those moments
that you may not understand
but if you watch her long enough
you'll wonder how she never broke
she likes rich desserts
and really lame jokes
and shopping for things second hand
she has so many quirks
and admits she's a nerd
but she's come to feel
like she really doesn't care
she doesn't want everything
just a few simple things
and to know that she really
isn't too much
but just enough

you can't randomly tell me
that you love me
but that it'll never change
whatever this "situation" is
but i know it isn't right for me
because it caused me pain
and i'm so over that
i remember green eyes
& long talks
& laughing about everything
and those moments when
i actually felt safe for a little while
but what happened?
when did those sweet words
turn to doubt
and you wanted to
turn the world inside out
maybe that's not for me to
understand or even question
and i'm okay with that
i wish you well because you
were such a dear friend to me
and we can't take those things back
we can't undo it all
or just pretend it didn't happen
and maybe i'll always love you a little
but that wasn't enough
for me

i watched the way the stars
hung in the night
and landed softly in your eyes
and it made me feel
something new
something different
i wanted to hold on to that moment
because i knew it wouldn't last
i guess nothing is forever
but i kept that moment
held it too tightly for a while
before i realized the only way
i could really love you
is to let you go
because it was you
at the end of the day
that made that decision
and i hope you never regret it
i hope you find whatever makes
you happy
because i've never been
very good at waiting
for something i'm not sure of
maybe you'll understand that
or maybe you won't
but i have so much life to live
with or without someone

sometimes i think that
you are under the impression
that i'll always be around
because with me it was about
safe & warm
the calm from the storm
and you knew you had that
with me
i think you took me for granted
i think you didn't realize what you had
but i'm slowly, slowly, slowly
seeing my worth
and i'm more valuable than
you gave me credit for
maybe you'll never understand this
that if i'm alone
it's really by choice
& because i know
i'm not settling for less
than magic
if that means waiting i'm okay with that
it has nothing to do with you
because i don't think it will ever change
i don't think you will ever truly see me
you see what you want
when you want
need me when it's convienent
but that's not for me
you can't love me sometimes
if it's not all the time
then there's not much of a point

trust me he says
my demons can play nice
but i could see
snakes slithering under his skin
and i tried to look past that
and see the stars in his eyes
and it would burn when we touched
leaving scars all over
and i was drinking in
memories and hope
night time sounds so loud
when you're alone
sleeping next to someone
you'll never know
and he would laugh
about hateful things
and make me cringe
because the sweet words
were wrapped in lies
leaving me so empty
it's like playing with matches
when you're standing in the ashes

you can't love a woman who writes
maybe you think you'd like to try
but it's really almost impossible
it takes so much time
and people are impatient
but if she writes
then she has dreams
she envisions a life
you may not be able to imagine
she can take her words
& spread them across the night
and make something beautiful
out of almost nothing
you might think that you'd like this
someone who can find the hope
in all that's broken
but really it's so... exhausting
and you'll expect to be some elaborate
part of the book of Her
but if you can't live up to it
please don't try because people
get hurt in the process
and nothing hurts her more
than others suffering
don't use that against her
just let her be who she needs to be
if you want to love her know
that there's a lot of emotion there
a lot of inner struggle
that has nothing to do with you
don't make it about you
because it rarely ever is
sometimes she's gonna be sad
or frustrated or lonely
because that's who she is
but maybe it's best
not to love a woman who writes

my life was literally
falling down all around me
and you were my friend
the only friend i really had
and i talked to you all hours of the night
about what went wrong in life
and why people turn out the way they do
i found comfort in your voice
words that seemed to soothe me
give me that peace i so desperately needed
five years of not being "allowed" to be emotional
to be thoughtful or loving
because it was "inconvienent"
and i was too much and so tiresome
and i knew that and i tried to change
i tried to fit the needs of others
and it left me so empty
walking around like a shell, a ghost
of who i used to be
and i hurt inside all the time
but you gave me that brief glimpse of hope
and you whispered sweet words
that became empty promises
and that part hurt, i'm not going to lie
it bothered me so much because
really it was pointless
and it never should've happened
because we can't just be friends
i was never wired that way
and i'm sorry for you
because i could've been
the best friend you ever had

Ernest Hemingway once said
write hard and clear about what hurts
what he didn't say was that sometimes
it'll feel like needles against your skin
like swallowing ashes
and your heart is racing
he didn't tell you that
sometimes writing
about what hurts isn't always so clear
you can write it out
you can mix your words
make them sound beautiful even if they are
so full of pain and shame
so you can write hard and clear
about what hurts
but just know that the after effects
aren't always as beautiful
& poetic as you'd like
sometimes it leaves a burn
a scar in places no one sees

sometimes there's no pain in goodbye
and maybe i love you is the sweetest lie
maybe hope is all we're left to hold
all that glitters isn't gold
sometimes we lose ourselves bit by bit
looking for something to make the pieces fit
and we don't wanna feel empty or alone
when words and memories cut to the bone
sometimes you know when enough is enough
and there's no shame in giving up
on anything that makes you blind
leads you astray, sets you behind
makes your soul hurt, your heart ache
but nothing in this life is a mistake
lessons, lessons, how they change
and life is wonderful, life is strange
even in the moments of struggle and grief
hold on fast to that belief
that you are always so much more
than you give yourself credit for
sometimes there's no pain in goodbye
and maybe i love you is the sweetest lie
but we're all fools
stumbling blindly

you should have
someone who falls in love
with the sound of your voice
at 3 am
when the world is asleep
and you're restless
& someone who watches
the moonlight fall across your face
and can feel the stars from
your fingers
you should have
someone who listens to your dreams
and your thoughts
who wants to hear everything
you've ever wanted
someone who will see the bruises
on your soul
the scars on your heart
but tells you you're beautiful anyway
& you should have
someone who wants your happiness
and to play a part in that
someone who doesn't give up so easily
in a world where everyone
gives up all the time
and you should have
all your wishes come true
and someone sweet
to share them with

she fell in love
with old buildings
abandoned houses
windows busted out
missing doors and
peeling paint
places that seemed
haunted and lost
there was a sweet sadness
in overgrown yards
like part of the world was forgotten
it moved her
because she coul see
how beautiful they once were
how memories used to fill
all the hallways and rooms
rooms now boarded shut
falling apart
pieces, pieces everywhere
and she fell in love
with the way the sun hit
and she could almost feel
where life used to be there
she kinda thinks that people
are like those houses

you should have
someone who falls in love
with the sound of your voice
at 3 am
when the world is asleep
and you're restless
& someone who watches
the moonlight fall across your face
and can feel the stars from
your fingers
you should have
someone who listens to your dreams
and your thoughts
who wants to hear everything
you've ever wanted
someone who will see the bruises
on your soul
the scars on your heart
but tells you you're beautiful anyway
& you should have
someone who wants your happiness
and to play a part in that
someone who doesn't give up so easily
in a world where everyone
gives up all the time
and you should have
all your wishes come true
and someone sweet
to share them with

she didn't care if she was ever beautiful
she just wanted to make the world beautiful
she wanted to take long walks
and reflect on deeper things
she wanted to talk quietly
but only a few people would hear this
but she was always open
when they poured their hearts out
like putting their pain in her hands
& maybe she could fix it
she would try to offer comforting words
but maybe it was just the way they could tell
how every word seemed to touch deep to her bones
and she could relate in some way or another
but she looked at them, slightly confused
unsure of how she became so different
because shouldn't everyone feel this way
this connection
this bond that humans should share
the need to love one another
and mend one another
and sometimes she had to distance herself
because it became too much
all the weights she had to carry
and she doesn't know if she should
sleep or cry
for the things she can't fix
& she knows they're not her burdens
but she feels that they are

if you look in her eyes you will see
all the things that set her free
and if you really want to know
just how deep her love can go
it's not written in her history
she wasn't much of a mystery
she was pretty open, simple at start
you found the missing pieces of her heart
and she felt like you were
becoming so much to her
you spun stories and let her sleep
and she was falling, falling so deep
tasting moonlight on her lips
and you were there at her fingertips
fire in the darkness, shining like a star
do you know how amazing you are
because you lit a fire within
and she's ready to begin
the life she always wanted
& it's with you

sometimes her mind races
and she can't slow down her thoughts
and it's overwhelming
even for her
so she may shut down
because there's safety in that
not letting anyone get too close
for fear they may
get cut on all her
broken pieces
she is stitched together
sometimes it feels like
coming unglued
but it doesn't hurt anymore
if she doesn't think about it
if she can just keep busy
if she can just find something
anything to believe in
mostly she blames herself
for being too soft
too emotional
and carrying too much love
because that in turn
can only complicate things
and it makes people uneasy
to be so wide open
so she paces herself
or she tries (mostly)
and reads other people
when really all she wanted
was to be real
not to be understood
but to be loved
even the darkest
dustiest parts
of her soul
sometimes just needed
a light

lose yourself
you won't break
you're just gonna
dance anyway
if it can drive
those demons out
i say shake those
hips a little faster
move to the music
until you can't feel
how ******* up
this world can be
and maybe you'll find
some hope
bits of sunshine
coming through
on your darkest days
and i pray
that you will be
all that you're capable of
so go on and dance
those demons away

when she couldn't hear
people speaking kindly
she'd throw her voice
into the wind
hoping maybe it would
make their day a little brighter
when she didn't see
compassion
empathy for each other
she poured herself out
and took their feelings in
and when she didn't know
what tomorrow would bring
she placed her faith in God
because there's nothing
greater than that
and she wanted everyone
to believe
that we are part
of something so much
bigger, better, stronger
she wanted to change
the world
& make it a little better

they told her
she was weird
she was different
she was too much
or not enough
they told her
that she should
be tougher
brighter
prettier
or whatever
would suit the mood
and it used to hurt
leave these little
scars all over
her heart
they wanted her
to be cold
and unfeeling
hopeless and lost
but they always
underestimated
who she truly was
because they never
took the time
to really find out

you could almost see
ink flowing through her veins
and how she spread her words
across her heart
waiting for someone to
read them
and she may have been
complicated
but she had such
simple needs
but no one took her
seriously
and she let things
hurt far more than they should
because she truly cared about
people. everyone. everything
because it felt right to her
and she had no idea
how to be anything else
because sometimes she
wished she could
but if you were to pick apart
all these little pieces
and how memories always stain
then maybe you could
see something
special there

people confuse me
that line alone
could be the shortest poem
i've ever wrote
but there's such truth
in that statement
no one values
one another
and feelings
and relationships
and emotions
they become the
secondhand things
and it's easy to forget
to never take things
seriously
life shouldn't be
so complicated
and lies should never
be so abundant
because there's beauty
in honesty
in realness
but people confuse me
because they don't
value it anymore

she could've been
the last great love affair
like rain on a summer day
she could've been the one
that you'd been looking for
but you passed her over
so easily
let her go
because it was
easier than having
to actually try
she was too emotional
too much for you
and that was okay
if the pieces to the puzzle
didn't fit
it was for the best
if you had to pretend
then saying goodbye
was best for everyone
because she would've been
the only one
you would've never had
to pretend with
because she was honest
deep in her bones
and her heart played
a song that she kept
hoping you would hear
but it fell on deaf ears
and she came up with
empty palms
where she thought your hands
would someday fit
but she knows that this
is part of life, part of her

she was eating
pears on the rooftop
& singing Tom Petty songs
in flip flops & sunglasses
watching people passing by
and she'd never get tired of this
making up stories in her head
of who she thought they were
because that was so much sweeter
and gentler than what was real
she could see how beautiful
the world really was
and it always amazed her
when others couldn't see
past the sad and the ugly
the broken and the pain
there were flowers blooming
in the meadows
children dancing to summertime sounds
people laughing and singing
if only in little spurts
it was enough
to get her by
and she'd hold on tight
to what she believed
and she chose to believe
that life is
beautiful

when she was a little girl
with little girl wishes
she had a journal
& in ******* letters
she wrote
"Plans & Dreams"
she wrote faithfully
about what she thought
her life would be
that someday she kept waiting for
then she turned 30
and she realized that
the life she wanted
that she imagined
maybe it wasn't right for her
that she would be the best
mother that she could be
a good daughter, a good friend

and sometimes
her heart would ache
heavy with the weight
of all the words she
couldn't say
because they
wouldn't change anything
and the only thing she
could change is herself
she longed to do better
to be better
to find that balance
instead of the
all or nothing
which is all she'd ever known
she didn't give up on people easily
even when she knew
she probably should
and that was the painful part
how it was always easy
for people to give up on her

she'd wrap herself in different shades of blue
she learned pretty words weren't always true
and that the world wouldn't always be good
people you didn't think would hurt you probably would
and that sometimes you have to smile through the tears
and never look back on anything as wasted years
but as lessons, as a way to grow
maybe she'd learn what she didn't know
how to be a little braver, bolder
even if that meant she had to be colder
if it would save the pieces of her messy heart
maybe she'd be okay, it would be a start
to something more beautiful than she could understand
maybe she'd learn to blend in, walking in this foreign land
and maybe just maybe she'd feel peace in her soul
and find all the missing things that would make her whole

she would try to tell you
i can be a good friend
because i love people
& i like to listen
i'm fascinated by their actions
their words, their thoughts
she would try to tell you
that tomorrow will be a better day
that there's always sunshine
behind the rain
and that you'd never be handed
more than you could bear
but she'd also tell you not to expect
much more than this
because she would never want
to let anyone get too close
because she was full of broken pieces
and you might get cut in the process
of knowing her and that would
make her sadder than anything