You asked me in a dream what I miss the most.
The dream ended before I could reply,
To tell you there's no one thing.
Not one,
But many.

1. I miss the way you talked to me. You called me "baby girl" like it was my name...

2. I miss the way you could hold every one of my broken pieces together,
Embrace like a kiln,
Melding the edges together.
Arms that felt like home to this nomad.

3. I miss how you're both my greatest strength,
And my biggest weakness...
The only man besides my father that I can't help but cry over.

4. I miss how you insisted on taking care of me,
An independent princess who got a little too used to her king...

5. I miss how you encouraged me in everything,
Convinced that together we could conquer the world...

6. I miss how you know every inch of me,
Using everything to your advantage.

7. I miss the way you would look at me,
Like I was a rare emerald,
But now I guess diamonds are more your taste...

8. I miss how quickly you became important to me,
Our lives intertwining together.

9. I miss our phone calls.
Hours at a time,
Just listening to your voice.
My inability to sleep without talking to you first...
Maybe that's why I'm up all night now?

10. Most of all,
The one thing I should've told you long ago,
I miss you.
I miss my Sun and Stars,
My lover,
My best friend.

I miss us...

What if my pain showed on the outside?
What if the mental scars showed on my skin?
The emotional wounds,
The cuts and bruises.
Yellow and green,
Black and blue.
If everyone could see what you do,
Would you stop?

If everyone saw every time you made me feel worthless,
Every time I was made to compete,
Every time you ignored me,
Would you stop?
If everyone could see how you hurt me,
Would you stop?
If you were held accountable for every word,
Every action,
Every ounce of pain you've caused me,
Would you stop?

What if the evidence was right in front of your eyes?
What if you were no longer able to deny the proof?
No amount of smiles and lies can cover it now..

Here's your proof,
These words on paper,
Like ink on my skin.
Will you stop?

How do I get through this?
What do I say?
You don't seem to understand how much pain this brings me...
To see you with her,
To see her step into the place I had once been,
To see you acting like she can fill my shoes so easily...
To see her in MY bed,
In YOUR arms,
Interlocking hands with fingers that not long ago were on MY skin.

I'm happy for you love,
But I don't wanna see her face.
I'm Wonder Woman,
An Amazonian,
Life's bullets bouncing off of me,
But I don't wanna see you with her,
I'm not that strong..

I don't wanna see you with her,
Her hands on you,
Acting like she knows you,
When she doesn't know what you've been through.

She doesn't know that you hate your father,
Or that your father may not be your father.
She doesn't know that when you were little,
You were visited by the spirit of a relative.
She doesn't know all the times we held each other while we cried..
Lost friends,
Bad family,
And an assault I will never get over..

I know I ended it first,
But I don't wanna see you with her..
I have to bite my tongue every time we talk,
Keep myself from telling you how I fell again,
Remembering why I stayed so long..
Keep myself from being selfish...

I don't wanna see you with her,
But I want you to be happy...

I don't wanna see you with her,
Which is why I need to walk away...

Please let me go...

Why won't you leave my head?
You're stalking my heart,
Invading my dreams.

You don't want me,
I live for you...
I've tried so hard to be angry,
I've tried so hard to hate you,
But you're so sweet at night.
So comfortable when you pull me in,
So sweet when you kiss me,
I almost let myself believe it's real...

The jarring sound of my own alarm pulls me from you,
Watching you smirk as I'm forced to leave.
You know you'll be in my head all day,
While you can put me from yours.
You know you'll see me later,
Whether I want it or not..

I let you in,
I let you see different parts of me.
I feared you would leave,
I was scared you would run.

But you held me,
Wiped away my fears,
Whispering
"I'm right here."

You didn't stay long...
48 hours.
A month of
"I love you" and
"Ill never leave."
Then 48 hours of
"My wish came true"
But God did you lie...

What did I expect?
I mean, really?
How could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?

But we were stuck like glue.
No matter how hard we tugged away,
We snapped together,
Bearing the marks to prove it.
You tried to dissolve the bond,
Trying to break it,
Cut it off,
While I just stood and watched.

I knew there was nothing to be done,
The cord ran deeper,
Bringing you back every night.
A vision,
Haunting my dreams,
Vanishing at daybreak.