I listen to the words you say
As if I were here to stay
This time is short but my life is long
You sing to me a beautiful song

My heart is torn between what I know and what I feel
Not wanting what I know to be real
I make excuses and play the games
But I have to go back from where I came
The world keeps spinning but I wish it would pause
For me to understand what was the cause

I am torn between the voice in my head
Listening to where I should be lead
Am I hearing what I want to hear
Or is it the voice whispering in my ear

I am so broken and have so many scars
Are my wounds turning into my bars
Keeping me trapped from trusting in you
Always wondering what is false and what is true

I'm scared of falling into a trap
Not wanting any more hurt to spread the gap
Between healing and being fully broken
These words are hard for me to have spoken
Admitting I am the cause for caution
Not wanting to hurt you from my objection

Scared that I'll make the wrong choice
By not listening to that voice
But it's so faint I can hardly make out
The words it's forming and trying to shout
My ears are deaf and I do not know
Which choice I should make and then follow

I think back to the story of Ruth
Will my life reflect her truth
I do not want to be the one who saved you
I do not want you to save me too

My eyes are turned to the One above
Wanting to understand how deep is His love
I am unable to show love on this earth
In a way you would understand it's worth

Where have your eyes turned upon
Onto a Hope that breaks the dawn
Or onto a moment that makes you smile
But then fades away after a while
Do not put your hope in me
I cannot make your life complete

I need you to understand these simple truths about love
That it's not found in a person but from above
I am trying to gaurd my heart
But I cannot imagine us apart

I need to know where your heart lies
When you tell me, look me in the eyes
In the truth of where love leads
Or in the wanting of selfish needs
I hope the best for this choice I make
For I know your heart is at stake

There is not much time to waste now
I'll be praying that I know how
To keep our hearts still intact
No matter how they may be attacked
Your words are gentle and so is your heart
Please know that there is Hope together or apart.

Silent winds break through my hair,
I watch you walk away through blurred eyes.
If only everything had been different then maybe.
I feel my body start to shake,
The weight resting upon my shoulders.
I hear your words repeating in my ears,
“I still love you, but it’s your choice.”

It was my choice,  
That’s why you’re walking away.
I can’t be hurt anymore;
I don’t want to know you for only the pain.
I can live with the memories, I can handle the separation,
I can’t know the future, what will become of this all.

To you I may look small and weak,
Desperate to pretend it never happened,
Wanting nothing more than to accept.
I can’t accept your choice, I didn’t make it, you did.
Wishing will only bring thoughts of loss and loneliness,
The “what if’s” will rise anger from within me,
Looking you in the eye and telling you just how I feel,
Brings terror to my heart and bones just at the thought.

The road in front of me is steep,
The choices I make will determine my path,
I carry a heavy load that I cannot bare,
I need strength to guide me,
A light for my feet and a peace to my fear.
I’ve always known of one but have never trusted,
Now is the time to fall into the unknown,
Put my faith into the unseen and just know,
Know that my strength comes from the One who gives life.

It was my choice, it still is.
Yours was made but more can still be made.
I choose to heal, to live and not dwell on the pain,
To love without retreating back to fear of what might come.
Scared of loss and distrust but also I hope for love,
Love can be healing and precious.
You will not skew my view of life,
I will move on. That is my choice.

You try to pin me down with my own shame
Take my joy and bring me pain
The lies you whisper in my ear
Cannot deceive the hope I’ve found here

Safe in arms wrapped tight around
Your knives they twist the shroud of my gown
Your voice it drips with venom down
But my heart does not skip a sound

You will not take my hope and joy
My life is not yours to make a toy
I will hold on to my faith with steadfast strength
Knowing what happens to your fate

My weaknesses you seek to find
My hands and feet you try to bind
My body disheveled but my heart still beats
From ashes to beauty my story this meets

A tired and broken spirit found
By a love unending that cannot be bound
Your tricks and lies they end tonight
Though you may struggle, though you may fight

Safe in arms wrapped tight around
Your knives they twist the shroud of my gown
Your voice it drips like venom down
But my heart does not skip a sound

Take a long cold look into the earth
Know your next to enter there
A panic sweeps through your veins and tears
Leak down out of your eyes

Pain shoots through your nerves and your fibers cringe
What hope is there in this suffering
The darkness deep and weighed down
A cold wind sweeps your sweat away

Your shivers fight against a slow decay
A light so bright pierced through the veil
The size of a pinhole no more
The warm ray of hope made it all so clear

Though understanding was not the darkness
It tried to push and hide away the light
Though none could conceal its treasure
You reachd your hand out towards a future

One that will yield better
Your hand is stricken, gnashed and burned
But you did not turn away
Desperately you grasp to life

And feel warmth upon skin, decrepit and stained
It takes over your entire soul
The point of light spread and enveloped your broken body
New life has filled your lungs

Rise and stand on new found glory
Darkness shall not enter again
You raise your hands, now immaculate and fresh
You open your mouth and sing

The light fills inside your body
Joy overflows out of this spring
Into the earth you shall never be
Forever in the light with the One true King

Memories filter through my mind
From years back to this past time
My heart twists with stored up emotions
Unsure of how to see this person

The twists and turns of life have brought
Me to a place far from that spot
Now I look at them and try to see
Where in that picture would be me

So different from who I was back then
Would I still call them my friend
Whose hearts would I have broken in time
In return who would have broken mine

The changing of time could hardly grasp
Everything that’s become a mask
Would they be surprised by me
I am not who they expect me to be

Their memories of me from when
I was loud only to hide what was within
Changed from the inside out
This new confidence I found has no doubt

I know I made the right choice to leave
But I can’t help thinking where I would be
The memories pass and the moment fades
My life now is where I am today

I miss my friends and the laughs we shared
I know how much they all cared
But time has made it clear to me
This is where I am supposed to be

Through this journey I have become
A person humbled from what I came from
Seeing this path laid before my feet
I’m excited for who next I get to meet

The people I’ve known will stick with me forever
As someone who helped shape me for the better
These thoughts will fade with a tear down my cheek
As I will go on to start another week

Your words touch my ears
They say everything I want to hear
You make me feel like I’m the only one
Feeding my heart with your bait that’s hung
It’s only been a short time
And already you want what’s mine

I see the fire in your eyes when you look at me
Desiring only what the eye can see
Not what is in my heart and soul
But I can see your heart is black as coal
I step back and turn to leave
You catch me by my sleeve

You say those words that sink my heart
Those three simple words feel like darts
I see the desperation in your eyes
And realize all those words you said were lies
You only want somebody who needs you
You’re not somebody I can say I love you to

Everything inside me aches
Every muscle fighting the strain it’s facing
The sweat that escapes my pores does not cool me
My vision is blurred and I can’t think straight
I sit here in the darkness
Alone with my thoughts that run wild
In every direction but the one they need to be on

My heart is madly pumping blood to the rest of my body
Trying to sustain every limb and muscle
My thoughts go to one of pain
Not the pain I feel now but a dull aching pain from my past
I’ve tried to bury it from my mind, burn it out of memory
But it still remains, adding to the fire already blazing in me

I feel my body give in
In a swift motion I’m crumpled on the floor
The cool earth soothes only a minute percent of the pain
And in an instant the slight relief is gone
Consumed in the fire of my own pain and grief
I cry out, trying to form words
But only groans and screams escape my lips

I’m trying to fight the fresh wound in my heart
Stitch it back up before it has time to bleed into the rest of my body
I don’t want to remember
My pain is too much to handle now
Only if I could put everything back where it needs to be
I feel the blood seeping into my veins

Sorrow starts to overtake the heat
But as the sorrow spreads the pain increases
Tears wet my cheeks as memories fill my mind
Sadness, loss, hurt, abandonment, grief
Each picture races across my vision
I lay my head in my hands and surrender
I surrender everything

It’s just too much to bare, too much to control
I don’t want it, any of it
The pain inside slowly started to drift away
The weight I carried for so long lightened off my shoulders
The aching heart that has too many wounds is healed
All this time I was holding on to what was dragging me down

I’m not giving up on it all, on life
I’m just handing it over to Him who can carry it for me
Him who can handle what I can’t
I lift my head out of my hands
I feel fresh tears slide down my cheeks
Tears of relief and exhaustion

There is no longer darkness that surrounds me
There is light and love
I lay my head down again and rest

I love you
There's no denying it now
I see you
And I don't even know how

I fell into this love
How I fell into your arms
I looked to the One above
And didn't hear any alarms

I gave you my heart freely
Like a wave against the shore
Soaking you completely
With the love that I had stored

Then a shift began to change things
One that caused my heart to hurt
When you would say you believed in nothing
"God loves you" my mouth would blurt

I couldn't make the feel go
No matter how I shoved
I desperately wanted you to know
That you are dearly loved

By a God who created the sky you admire
Who knew science would find
Answers to all the questions enquired
But His power they still cannot bind

I accept you for who you are
And I want you to feel
The awe when you see something majestic and far
Is a response to a God that is real

He created us to look
To find out more around us
He didn't give us the answers in a book
Because He knew that we weren't brainless

Science tells us facts and laws
But how do we know our heart
The inside is where all our flaws
Make us feel like we've come apart

God tells us in His Word
Exactly what went wrong
Why we are the way we are
And how we can be back to where we belong

Yes there are things that cannot be answered
Who am I to know
But I know you saw and I know you heard
Just let the questions grow

The ones that are in the back of your head
Asking "could she be right?
Could I believe all that was said
When we talked so many nights?

But what about the ones that hate?
The rules that tell me I can't?"
I can say His love is Great
He's not one to easily recant

I know the rules may feel like they get in the way
But he really just intends your best
He made things to be a perfect way
But now they've become something far less

I hope someday you can see
The light I said I saw in you
You mean so much still to me
Just know that I love you