Ash Eliam: Poems

Continuum

Ash Eliam Oct 2018

I think I finally understand
When they say
Life’s not black & white
It’s all shades of grey
I caused her so much pain
And still I’d make those choices, day after day
She became my sunshine as much as my rain
And me
I don’t feel okay

I played my cards, placed my bets
It must make me a
Horrible person
To have no regrets

She said It’s just things of the past
But my sky’s still overcast

Maybe one Spring day
I’ll feel okay at last

Continuum
/kənˈtɪnjʊəm/
noun
noun: continuum; plural noun: continua

a continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other, but the extremes are quite distinct.

Every other man

Ash Eliam Jun 2018

Every other man

...That lad with sinkhole eyes.
Don’t you realize?
He’s given up on ever
finding
someone as sharp, clever,
beautiful and
blinding
as
the one
once his sun.

The empty smile,
you ask?
Just a mask.
Would be quite rude to show
a dark and hollow soul,
no?

The drooping shoulders?
Oh, just the weight of the boulders
he’s been pushing up
since then.
What kind?
Same as every other man.

Carved from regret,
I bet

If I died

Ash Eliam Jun 2017

If I died

And if I died right then I wouldn’t mind

because my mind was at peace,

and none of the people I’d met would I miss

if I died right then in that moment of

bliss

In-between

Ash Eliam Oct 2018

In-between

I wish I was straight or gay,
Not something in-between
Fancying her and fancying him,
Confused day after day.

Make it stop
Freeze my heart
Rip its veins
Tear it apart
Or even lock it in the dark
But please make it stop.

In Riot

Ash Eliam May 2019

In Riot

It’s funny how a night of laughter
Still leaves me with this sting of sadness
The empty words echoing the
Empty inside
And even if I tried
If I said I’d reached another soul
I would have lied

At the bottom of the bottomless hole
The loneliness still shouts in riot

On a train

Ash Eliam Jul 2017

On a train

On that sad night I felt it
Without a shadow of a doubt
For a part of me faded away

And I asked my past self:
Is it all in vain?

Though I’d felt too much sorrow
To handle any pain
So I boarded the next one
On that sad night
My soulmate
jumped
in front of a train

Rhyme

Ash Eliam Jun 2018

Rhyme

If She keeps breaking my heart

time after time,

A whole book of

poetry

I’ll eventually

rhyme

We Never Met

Ash Eliam Apr 2017

We Never Met

I’m sorry, stillborn encounter.
You existed and then were dead
(at least in my head).
Hesitation’s often deadly:
oh, how I wish we’d met.

But it was too late.
Call it whatever you want, I
don’t believe in fate.
All I got was this nickel for a keepsake
and now I must live with it,
all of the future me
who’ll never be.

See?
That’s what keeps me up at night
when I cannot sleep.
Wondering why we wouldn’t meet,
questioning the path I chose.
But hey, that’s Life.
Anything goes.

Windowsill

Ash Eliam Jul 2018

Windowsill

Sitting on the windowsill
looking at my phone,
I feel prone
to forget you are
Gone
And still,
I’d rather play this game of
King and pawn
than remember you are
Gone
Sitting on the windowsill
looking at my phone,
for it feels just
a bit like
Home

— The End —