Again, I find myself sinking in the perpetual sea of doubt,
wondering where I stand with you,
questioning my role in your life,
feeling like I really do not matter that much at all.
I am not sure if you quite understand how this feels?
Will it always truly be just about you?

Regardless of how hard I try to believe others,
the ones that tell me I am worth it,
it just never really sinks in.  
I am so caught up in my own self questioning
that it is hard for me to really feel like
I am the same person that these people
claim that I am – this one immensely
strong person of which I am clearly unable to see.

For so long now I constantly feel like
I am never standing on solid ground.  
This persistent uneasiness makes me
wonder each and every day of my life
what I can do to make you notice me?
I cannot change the person that I am -
the person I have grown to be;
nor do I ever want to be anyone other
than who I know that I can be.  

Maybe the answer has been in
front of me for some time now.
Maybe I have known for awhile
that things with you are what
they will always be
and never what I truly want them to be.
I do realize that in order to save myself,
I need to walk away and find someone
who is willing and able to cherish me
for the angel that I feel that I am -
someone willing to give all
of themselves to me and
not just some of themselves to me.

After all I have been through,
I desperately need peace in my life.
I just want to feel loved, desired,
and cherished by someone
who can truly appreciate
all of me and not some of me.  
I know that my spirit is broken,
and maybe, just maybe,
if I learn to stop making excuses
and being acceptable of settling for less,
I will rise above all of this pain
and one day finally find the love
I have been so eagerly searching for.


Vicki A. Zinn

March 14, 2017

Did you ever just once
stand in front of a mirror
and actually see the pain
reflected in your eyes?
Behind this pain lies
many years of feeling
that you are never worthy;
never worthy of ever being
loved by that one special
someone that you were
supposedly destined to
spend the rest of your
natural life with.

People like this often
regress into a sea of
blackness that they can
never swim out of.  
They are surrounded
by nothing but empty
water filled with
empty promises -
these exact promises
that they desperately
cling to in order
not to drown.

It is ultimately their
choice to brave
these murky waters,
or allow themselves to
be continually trapped
in this Sea of Obscurity.
Even if they can pull
themselves out of this
despair, they still have that
lingering feeling that
they are forever doomed
to live in this constant
state of pain and agony.

These lost spirits just
want and need to feel
like they matter.
They desire to be
accepted and loved
for who they are,
regardless of their
faults and flaws.  
They often times try
too hard to have
others accept them.
However, when they are
overlooked or made to feel like
a speck of dirt on the ground,
they again lose their way.

It is a constant battle that
people face daily if they feel
that they are never worthy –
never deserving to be given a
real chance in life and in love.
They feel unappreciated
and find themselves
questioning their place
In this world.  

Many masque their pain
with poisons that
make them feel numb.  
But, most know that
these elixirs are only
a temporary fix.  
They do not even
know where to start
to fix this internal pain.
All they want is to feel
loved and accepted.

Instead of condoling these
people, help them by not
only extending your hand,
but also by sharing your
heart with them.  
They need to feel that
they are just as worthy
as someone who appears
happy and content with
their own life.  

Help give them a
reason to feel like
they really do matter.
Show them they are not
condemned to a life of
feeling like they
are never worthy of
any joy and love.  

There is hope and promise
for them, and maybe
sooner than later,
these exact same
misguided people
will be able to look
in the mirror and
not dread what they
have seen in the past;
but instead, the mirror
emulates that sparkle
of hope that has been
missing for so long.

Vicki A. Zinn

June 25, 2016

Sometimes people are disasters awaiting,
in a manner of a sinkhole,
swallowed by an endless depression
that follows them with every
step and move they make
Not asking for anyone’s help
only adds to the chasms
of mind, body, and spirit

Sometimes people are disasters awaiting,
in a manner of a train-wreck,
which at one time followed
a direct path to redemption
Along the way, this train
veered towards a catastrophic path
of tragic consequences that will
forever scar their original goals

Sometimes people are disasters awaiting,
in a manner of a tsunami,
displaced by anger and hatred
towards those that are opposite
This same ire and prejudice
builds up within them continuously
waiting to reach its peak
and come violently crashing down

Sometimes people are disasters awaiting,
in a manner of an earthquake,
with a lot of negative energy
below their own physical surface,
shaking their faith and patience
One day rattling the uniformity
that all people rely on
for overall peace and existence

Sometimes people are disasters awaiting,
in a manner of a blizzard,
blowing around aimlessly, permanently blinded
by ignorance, preconception,  and one-sidedness
This same bias eternally darkening
their desire to be open
to the many differences among
the distinctiveness of humankind alike

Vicki A Zinn
April 10, 2016

I have been told that I am
An Earth Angel sent by God
To shelter those that needed
The most protection.
But, what happens when this
Earth Angel has herself fallen?
Who will be there to bandage
Her delicate wing that has
Now been broken?

The question is why this
So lovely Earth Angel has fallen?
Has she carried one too many
Burdens on her shoulders?
Has she lost sight of her own
Purpose, along the way,
That it has made her blind to
The true perils that lie
Right in front of her?

I am crying out for help
As my once and so powerful
Wing has broken under all of the
Stress of this powerful weight.
Why has this happened to me?
Did I lose faith that the people
I was sent to safe guard actually
Cared about my purpose anymore?
Or, did I just stop believing that I, myself,
Could help them anymore?

I have walked so many years of my
Own life being this angel, while forgetting
That sometimes I also need an Earth Angel
To help me find my way sometimes.
I am sure that is hard to believe that
Earth Angels can be so fragile?
Remember, these Angels are humans
With emotions and are not infallible.
Choose your words and actions wisely,
Because your perils become theirs.  

Can you imagine having the continuous  
Strength to be one of these Angels?
I bet not.  But, understand that this
Is what I feel my destiny has always been.
So, now, I need some time to heal my
Own broken wing.
I certainly cannot fly with just one.

I pray that God will miraculously heal
My own broken wing so that I may soon
Get back to what I am needed to do –
To provide support and encouragement
To you so that you will make it past
Whatever encumbers you mind, your heart,
And, most importantly, your soul.    


Vicki A Zinn

August 3rd, 2015

I wonder if you know how much
I still think about you?
You are one of the first thoughts
when I wake in the morning
and one of the last thoughts  
when I go to bed at night.

I wonder if you truly understand
how much I miss you?
How you would hold me
when our bodies were close.  
How I would catch you looking
at me, as if in amazement.
How your charcoal blue eyes
gazed into mine when we talked.  

I wonder if you realize that  
despite allowing you time and space,
that you still mean so much to me?
It does not matter to me how
long I have known you,
you were able to allow me to
feel things that I was not so  
sure I would be ever able to feel again.  

I wonder if you know how much
I yearn for us to try again?
That each day without you in it
has been harder than I realized
it could possibly be.
That each day I wonder how you
are you and what you are doing.

I wonder if you will ever get to
the point of accepting that  
I am exactly who I showed you?
That you believe my words.
That you believe my actions.
That you believe in me.    

I wonder if you will ever give
your heart to me fully?
To finally conquer your fears
and let me in.
To trust me enough    
to hold your hand through life.  
To become your best friend.

I wonder if you can have
faith in love again?  
To believe that someone truly
does care about you.
That someone wants to know everything
there is to know about you.  
That someone just wants  
a chance to walk around in your heart.  

I wonder if you think of me?
If you miss my embrace,
my eyes meeting yours.
The chemistry we felt.  
The laughs we shared.  
The support I gave you,
regardless of knowing how
precarious your situation is.

I wonder if you will ever see  
the good in me and just try  
to allow me to be a part of your life?
All these thoughts of wondering
are always on my mind.  
I wonder, I truly do wonder…  


Vicki A. Zinn

April 20, 2014

I have forgotten how to trust.
I have forgotten how to feel.
Most importantly,
I have forgotten how to love.
Maybe it is all the years of pain
I have endured; or maybe
it is the meds that mask
the clarity that I once had?

Right now, I am only living on the outside,
walking around in a lifeless shell
of my once vibrant existence.  
With all of the ups and downs,
each day with really no end in sight?

Times like this challenge even
my own strength.  
Do I want to continue feeling like
this each and every day?
I thought I had the answers before.
Now, I am definitely not so sure.  

Behind my own smile lies great pain.
I have learned to cover up most of it;
however, my eyes tell all, as they
are the window to my soul.  
My heart is kind, loving, and generous.
Yet, I feel that it should be much harder,
so as to not allow some things that
I have acquiesced over my life.  

I am not sure what it is going
to take anymore to help find
my way back to the correct path.  
I just know that this beaten one
is all I have known for so long now.
I am truly so lost,
with no clear direction in sight….

Vicki A. Zinn

March 8, 2014

Lost again, or maybe I
just never truly found my way?
I never feel sure that I am
heading in the right direction.
Instead, my heart and my mind
continue their endless battles.
Will I ever win this internal war?

Will I always have to continuously
question myself, or will
the answer ever become clear?
Should I just keep muddling through
each day with really no end in sight?

Times like this challenge even
my own strength.  Do I
want to continue feeling like
this each and every day?
I thought I had the answers before.
Now, I am definitely not so sure.  

Behind my own smile lies great pain.
I have learned to cover most of it;
however, my eyes tell all, as they
are the window to my soul.  
My heart is kind, loving, and generous.
Yet, I feel that it should be much harder,
so as to not allow some things that
I have acquiesced over my life.  

I am not sure what it is going
to take anymore to help find
my way back to the correct path.  
I just know that this beaten one
is all I have known for so long now.
I am truly lost….

Vicki A. Zinn
November 24, 2013