When being alone doesn't help
And surrounding yourself with people doesn't help
Have you ever felt this helpless?
I didn't comb my hair today
I've still the sour scent of last nights sweat
On my stomach, on my chest
There is a tear in my pillowcase
And I do not know
How to sew
I'm not sad yet, but I can feel myself getting there
I can't remember the last time I didn't feel nervous, anxious
These past years hiding behind the pursuit of a Bachelor's degree
English major I respond when they ask
These past years waiting for something, someone
That never seems to come
I think it's best I haven't met you yet
Yet, that hopeful word
That senseless word
That breaks me apart, holds me together
To the little sense I have left
I am alone
Surrounded by everyone
My heart is blue
And I am wearing
Mustard yellow