I cannot miss what we never had.
Is anything truly ours to begin with?
I touch myself cause my hands are lonely.
I cry at night cause my eyes are not yours.

and turn me on instead
the night is not as young as they say
our bones are a thousand years old
/
make poetry
of me
while our flesh is still juvenile

everything fades
it's just you and your thoughts again
fighting with the echoes of the mistakes you cannot erase
weeping over memories that you cannot forget
        everything fades
it's just you and me and the words we cannot bring ourselves to say
mentiras mentiras, amor, mil mentiras
my body melts under the heat of your nervous glance
I am putty in your sinister hands and
         everything fades to your favor
you've always wanted to be mine
yet I am merely my own
everything everything
               everything fades
it's just me and my thoughts
and the echoes off shadows of your image in my mind
again
tonight and
forever.
                    everything fades but you.

and I am so jealous

- - -

It is Sunday night / technically Monday morning
I've been listening to Billie Holiday's Just A Matter of Time for the past two days
I am repeating similar meaning in different ways
you're somewhere out there right now
away from my arms, away from me
yes, I'm losing all sanity at 2 17 a m

darling, love
go steady.

to tell me
good morning
like you mean it

I'm searching for the words
I cannot find within myself
Throughout the sentences of others
I'm searching for the words
That will mean enough to you
To consider the thought of me
In your mind, in your heart
Because
              I'm aching
                I miss you
                  I love you
              I'm broken
                   I need you
             I'm nothing
             Without you
Has never been and
Will never seem
To be enough

i deleted your number from my cell phone
i deleted every first every last and every in-between conversation and
message and letter and poem from every modern source you'd ever written me from
i deleted every single photograph every song every "to watch" on "our list"
i deleted "our list" all together
i threw away the sunflowers the roses the button-pins the heart-shaped box
along with the cinema metro and music festival stubs stored within it
i threw away the books the t-shirts the drawings the key-chain and every other ******* gift
i threw away the old bed sheets, the ones we last lied on together
and replaced it with a new set and another's pulse
i erased you from my presence
i erased you of all memories
you're merely in my mind
i no longer need you
i no longer want you
i no longer love you

i - am not over you