problematic is the renewal of my soul,
systematic is my need to be evolved.
quite listless are the streaming roads
leading to the ends of this weary world.

now breeding are conjectures in my skull,
still breathing is my life - soothing cold,
with this possession in dispossession
tearing up my vile flesh and decrepit bones.

soon forgetting to be adorned
laughs will soon start to be heard,
once the fluent waters of the flood
swallow up the darkness it's become.

give me reason, i undergo deep sleep
live forever and give side to my good and dear

soul.

How do I say
What can't be said
Or feel
What can't be felt?
To which you say:
"Well, how DO you feel?"

I don't know that this is real.
The fact that I have, or had,
All I could have wanted,
and yet,
I feel
Like I had nothing.

Nothing ever happened,
I never had anybody.
I asked nobody to lunch,
And gave my heart
To nobody.
Yeah that sounds about right-
No one or no body.

I had no one at my apartment,
Under the sheets
Was not a body,
Not a soul,
Not a woman,
Not nobody
Shared a pillow and a blanket.

So...
"How do I feel?"
I ask my self
And everybody,
Because if nothing happened,
With any body,
It only means that in this story
I was nobody.

It's raining out today.
It's a hot cocoa-
Wrapped in a blanket-
Wearing white socks-
Kind of day.

Yeah, it's that kind of day.

It's raining out today.
It's a warmth on my palm-
Warmth to my chest-
Warmth to my toes-
Kind of day.

(There's a tap near my window,
There's a roar out my door,
There's a light in the sky, and yet,
I feel alone.)

And yeah it's that kind of day.

I  take a step out the door
I sit out in the cold
I take a breath of fresh air
With socks gone all went
I look up at the dark ---
    And I wait.

Yeah, it's that kind of day.

That day I slept I went to sleep
With dreams so sweet and heavenly;
So kind was the day and quite remarkably
Had me find a friend of mine in jubilee.
She made my day so suddenly
Into the ripest fruits of loving spring,
And now they agree that within this sea
All turbulence has come to cease.

The boat that floats floats beautifully
With her in command of this sailing ship;
Everything that had been torn apart into debris
Now leaves no trace of lonely weep.
Now we're off to a place that waits for me,
To bring along what life has given me:
A friend to cherish, a golden sun is she,
That turns the sturdy heads of the marquis.

Do you believe
The reason why
You hurt so much
Is because your
World is just?
That because we care so much is
That we lose ourselves
And train of thought,
And don’t follow the way
We must?
Or how do you describe
These fallacies,
These rules that come
As prophecies?
By trying to catch
Fleeting fantasies?
No!
Open your eyes
And see for yourself
That all of this
Is vanity!
How dare you speak of love
When those feelings
Have made you lose sanity!
Those are not
Obtainable conjectures;
I’m sorry but it isn’t love
You need lecture in.
Love is perfect and you are not,
How can you condemn
What you have not?
It is not meant to please you
Or relieve you
From the solitude
That seeks you!
It is only to be found
Once you’ve known
How to hurt
And to enjoy
The pleasure of being
With her
Or without her!
You must first learn
That people will treat you
Wrong
And displease you,
But understand one thing,
And one thing only,
Love will find you
Once you’re ready
And you will never,
Ever,
Be lonely.

It's funny,
I haven't even met your mother,
And I already think of you.
I think of the times we'll spend together
And the times we'll play together.
I already know what I'm gonna get you
On your first birthday
And what you'll be wearing on your second.

Honestly though,
I don't know how, when, or with who I'm gonna get there,
I just know that one day you'll be there
And I'll be here waiting
For the day in which I will hold you
And your little hands will move from here to there -
So wait for me,
I will get there.

I'm picking things up along the way
That I wanna teach you when I can.
I hope that you're not overwhelmed
When you try to hold your football,
Soccer ball or baseball.
(Volleyball is a lot of fun too!)
We'll play catch, and we will run,
I will catch you, and you'll have fun - I promise.

I hope you forgive me though,
As I don't know your mom.
I don't know if I have or haven't
Already set our course.
But you know what,
I bet she's beautiful
And the most caring person in the world.
I want to make sure she takes care of you,
After all.

It's hard to think of you,
As I hope I can make it through to you,
And tell you that all I'm doing today is because of you.
I want you to learn how run, how to play sports, how to jump,
And I want to be there to help you when you fall.
I want to teach you how to play guitar
And some magic tricks with cards,
I want to teach you to write some poetry
And play some music to make songs.

I want to make you proud,
As I hope you'll make me proud.
Even if you don't want to learn any of these things,
Or follow in my footsteps in any way
I want you to know that I've thought of you
Ever since today,
And that I can't wait to meet you,
Or your mother,
On the day in which you're born.

I wonder if you've noticed.

If you haven't
I would like to share with you
A little something:

I grew up with this idea
That someday I would grow up,
Have a girlfriend and get married.
I knew that I wanted children,
That I wanted a dog,
That we'd grow old in my house
And out in the driveway I'd have a Lambo
(I know, crazy, right?)
What I didn't know
Was how I was going to get there.
I didn't know that it wasn't that easy
And that, more than once,
I'd be hit with disappointment.
Not disappointed because I fell in love
And had my heart broken
(More than just a several amount of times)
But because I stepped out
Further and further from this utopia
I had set out for myself.

I learned, more than once,
That everyone had their own little story,
Everyone had their own little blueprint,
And not everyone was interested
In what I wanted.
I heard:
It's too early for you to think of those things,
Enjoy life and use all your energy on other things.
And I did.
I started drawing, started playing soccer,
I started writing poetry, and put music to my poems.
I started playing the guitar, I started singing,
I started to use my energy on "other things."
But the more I think about it
And the more I read about it
I was really just using those things
For my own story.

And that's the issue you should know about me
That's my so called "problem"
And the reason why you probably won't like me.
I lose sight of what's in front of me,
Chasing after what's ahead of me.
I forget the present and focus on the future,
And I fail to realize that you too
Have had to have
Some getting used to.
I don't know the secret
To a perfect relationship
Nor do I think I, as a person, am close to perfect.
And I know that you're not,
And I know you have your own faults and wants,
Your own needs,
And we're all a little selfish from time to time.

But here's the secret,
Here's the kicker,
The catch to my whole speech here:
I have tried to toss
All of my personal feelings aside,
I have tried to put my plans on hold
And fix myself onto the ground.
I've learned that that's how things often go
And it's not that I'm giving up on my plans
I just know that I want to be a part
Of your plans, and you of mine
Because I know that my plans
Could intertwine into your plans
And yours into mine
(That's what I hope anyway)
And if your plans and mine
All become one
Then I will have changed my blueprint,
And I will know the map.
I won't know the ending,
But I will know,
When I get there,
That I tried -
And for the first time,
In a long time,
I didn't give up.