I'm surrounded
By family
And friends
And people
And places
And objects
And I see them
But don't feel them
Don't feel their connection to me, and mine to them
Not when I'm like this
Not when my mind is here
Not there with them and all that is
That is where it should be
But it's hard 
You know
I hope you do...I hope someone does
Then I could feel them
I don't want to feel the heaviness
I want the light shine and weightlessness of joy
I guess you don't feel the rock underneath you, like you do when it is overhead
Funny how that is
We strive for joy and love and peace, but the pain and sad is what sticks
And gets us stuck
I hope I'm not stuck
And I don't think I am...really...but I worry

I can't form a single word
Write a single note
Lyrics in my head
In my mind they float

Seeing all these letters
No phonetics in my mind
Feelings swimming
No meaning do I find

Dark in this cold room
I'm told seek until it's found
Here the emptiness' loom
When no one is around

In the dark I see
No further than my hand
All that I can be
Swallowed in the sand

Pulling hard is the tide
Swallowing me down
Pushing me as I cry
To the locker I am bound

The depths I see
I'm close to bottom
Dragging me
I'm nearly forgotten

End is near,
To be renewed
To start afresh
Views slightly skewed

To live and give life
Cycle of our being
At its worst
When we're simply beginning

Adjusting to the stress I hold
Suffocating me tightly
Within this mold

Broken free
To start anew
These jagged views we've slightly skewed...

In chemistry
I learn how everything can be predicted:
how equilibrium
balances unstable situations
but I have yet to see
how I can use that in real life:
so school is pointless

In French
I learn how to talk about relationships
and how to say
"We are engaged" in another language
but I have yet to see
how I can use that in real life:
so school is pointless

And I can say with certainty
I have not yet learned
an essential skill:
a skill I need in order to survive,
I have not yet learned
how to make you love me,
so everything is pointless

Brown. So simple. So magnificent. So you. The way you let the world dance across your eyes and, let it tantalize your every thought is utterly amazing. When you open your eyes from every blink. it's different. Every time.

Its been 10 months. I still keep your picture in my wallet. It reminds me it wasn't a dream. I keep it in there because in truth, I can't remove it. every time I try, I stare at it and it just stares back, you stare back... Smiling.  Frozen, with your perfect, everlasting smile. And in that moment, I can see in your unchanging expression that you love me.

And then I put it back in my wallet.

So instead of removing it, sometime later, I find a place to get drunk and stumble home and bleed my eyes to sleep.

This is the end of our relationship.

Three years of turmoil.

One year of me hurting you,
another year of you hurting me
and one last year of us giving up because we never could change.

We did this,
this is what is left of our love.