today
i let the dawn
arrive
for once
without trepidation
i allow the cool
mercurial rays
to banish all
the woes of night
and fill the sails
of trailing dreams
i have left fluttering
in my wake

in this
new light
i am disquieted
by a morning chill
but resist the comfort
of my own arms
i refuse to confide
in the hunched shoulders
and retracted limbs
of uncountable years
of instinctual defenses

today
i finally see
the beauty
in a rising star
and allow myself
to be seen
by the dawn

we need it
because
it is

gawking at infinity
correlating entropy

I dissolves discerning
obscurity-beauty

caught upon the winds
of fevered
irreducibility

quickening our desires
to ascend

proving
(in no regular sense)
that our fragments
are nothing
but a prelude
to a whole-plane
perspective

and all our ends
are woven

trust in me,
i know
you're not insane

just because
the stains
won't wash away
doesn't mean
you cannot
stave away
the depraved
and self-proclaiming
sane

you are not
the only one
who sees
between the seams,
the oblivious
unclean,
who seem to be
so empty

what it is
i cannot say
that lives inside us,
displaced and
brushed away
star dust awakened
luminescent, shaded
and friend
to the sorrowful
berated

i wish i could say
i paved the way
to a place of safety
and confidence,
but the consequence
of our dis-ease
is our awareness
of that unseen
resplendence
of life within
a crucible

sinking through my shadow
down the oubliette
of my retraction
drunk upon
nepenthe: contempt
of insurmountable distraction

i can siphon
all this blood
into a staining chalice
down again
another round
and hope to
drown again
within the sounds
of screaming
stifled under skin

claws maw
ravenously
the inner walls
of a carapace
too far gone
in its accretion
to spare
the raving calls
the solitary
somber narcissist
of slow and painful
suffocation

eloquence
an incomplete attempt
to justify,
to anthropromorphize

and endeavor
i shall, forever
to cauterize this soul
but its far too cold
to build a fire

the voice inside
is stuttering

blindly cast asunder
to the calmness
of the cold

and so is
selfishly relinquished
beyond the consequences
of awareness
to stagger endless
in the cold

brittle fingers
tremble, numb
feverishly knotting
things undone
scrying answers
from their shadows
in the sun

"shine on me!"
i beckon

then blindness
acquiesces desolation
as pride withers
and cracks
and the pieces fall
from my chest

not even lies reside
in what is left

yet still the whispers
coalesce
upon the substance
of the vacuous
'trust must be the arbiter of truth
and 'I' the paradigm of foolish'

and so we sever
this cell of arrogance
defy self-reverence
and reunite
now duplicitous

it seems that everywhere i turn
another mirror gleams
brilliantly hopeless facsimiles
who smile vaguely
while shifting through
perpetuations
to stammer in clamorous gaits
at the doorstep of my dreams

and at the top of my tower
i barely here them call
sifting through stars and motes of dust
i see my petty wall
isn't ******* high enough

the thought to me
is crippling
how could we not avert
the *******
with all the glances
we have stolen from our pasts
how could we sever worth
in search of "progress"
as if life were a contest
instead of an event
is it not obscene
how we grow like cancer
and deceive ourselves
in thinking we have
all our answers

it seems that everywhere i turn
another terror grins
inconspicuous in the hearts of men
who obliviously commend themselves
for subordination
to hammer with calamitous endeavor
on the pillars of my paradise
condemning forever
the kingdom of my dreams

this shambling carapace
is insubstantially bleak
that isn't saying
color is abstracted grey
but rather it's all the same
it's just one thing,
or nothingness
always changing
and you may choose
to pray
but chances are
god doesn't speak your language
or rather
you aren't speaking hers
but if your soul is stalwart
and your heart
hungers for truth
and you are brave enough
to stagger in between
the hedgerows of obscurity
then perhaps
you can withstand
the enterprise of discomfort
the venerating thought
that no one knows
divinity