You say
You feel
Dizzy when you
Kiss me. So do
I

Is it the slow dance
Of dopamine
Digging grooves between
Our bodies? Or
Is it the
Intoxication
Of desire
We’re drunk on? Is there
A difference?

You try
Try to
Decipher the
Way I look at
You

Do you see it?
This is hunger.
This is wanting
Taking shape.
Anything more
Definitive
And you will scare
The birds off.

I thank god
That you cannot see
The desperation
Beating beneath me

Because I love
To burn slow
But you, dipped
In Sun, Blessed
By God, looked
So sweet beneath
Changing skies
I couldn’t
Help but tilt
Towards your beams

Now tangled in
Your taste, I try
To decipher
What lies beneath
Desire.

They took
My God away from me.

Told me
I won’t be loved by You.

Your believers
Killed and I was
To worship blood
Instead.

Sink in all the
Shame inside, and
Take it as a
Lesson earned.

Today, a
Simple day
To wake with
Someone gentle
And sweet, who
I will be
Extra quiet
For when I
Zip my things.
Fluttering
In and out
Of sleep, I
Can’t predict
When you’ll speak.

             “Are you going on a walk?”
                             “Not yet, darling.”

But I leave
Before you
Rise because
Yesterday,
You held me
When I cried
And looked at
Me in a
Way that pulled
Me towards you,
Wondering
When I will
Stop burning
With such shame.

But I, ever-miss
Touche-à-tout, have
Never steadied
A decision
And can only
Look away, fear
Of what I’d do.
Oh, but today
You told me you
Dreamt of kissing.

A vague and hazy
Something to remind
Me not to tell you
That I dreamt the same.

I am always half awake,
Occupying the space between
Then                   and now
        Today                     and tomorrow
One half dreaming, dizzy,
                           Falling. Always falling,
Graced in gravity’s pull
I’ve never found the bottom
But when I do
I’ll just keep digging and
                 keep falling.

My eyes are blurry with tears but oh,
How the lights glow in the haze
I try to step outside myself and
Ask the sky what made me this way,
But the fog only stared back silently

One single star blinking back,
The same star that I’ve always seen
Under the same sky I’ve always breathed
In the same place I’ve always been
Nothing has changed except everything
(And even that has faint traces of you)

You and I, I liked to believe we’re the same
But your life isn’t mine
And your love isn’t mine
The distance between us, tied together
Over countless fields and mountaintops
Stretching from here to there
               lets meet somewhere in the middle,
               where it grazes Missouri.
               or is it Montana? I’m not sure but
I’ve always
Been sure
Of this heart
And I left it
In the airport
The night I left you
With sleep
In my eyes
And tears
On my cheeks



Oh, tears, tears.

Imagine
All the lives
I’ve lived and
Things I’ve seen
Gone by noon, dizzy
As a dream, fevered
Bodies clutching
Clammy skin, oh,
Dear. Oh, my.
Please, wake me.

Cursed child,
Whisper your sorrows
To unforgiving
Water and
Drain your tears

Wash the blood
And the dirt from your
Hands to purify
This pain and
Pacify your soul

i had a dream of us
aged like the finest wine,
one comes to the other
looking for the knowing glances
and careful smiles

underneath all of
the time we spent apart
lays a love so untouched
and so bright
it may blind us both

at the end
of the night
my mind falls
back to you

fingers tracing
over a
shiny pink scar,
healed memories
from a
lifetime ago

dear cosmic wound,
this achingly
profound pain, twist
the knife and still,
I will beg you
to stay

I can only hope that
When you see me,
You cant see the hunger
In my eyes because
Beneath my gentle smile
And nervous fingers
Lays a clawing desperation
Veiled by calmness,
Fraying at the edges

Please,
Do me a favor
And look away

at the end of the world,
when the future isn't looming above us
all we will have is each other
and beneath the night sky
we can watch the world turn
and relive the bitter melancholy
of what once was

-a poem for my sister

You're gone, and the stage
Is set for heartbreak
The world dims and my
Heart dulls.
Or sharpens?
I’m sorry,
I’m so cold.

My mind frenzies
When I look to
What’s ahead, but
When
My thoughts
Drift back
To you
I am
Content.

In talks with the moon
I whisper into
Night air, I would go
Wherever you go

Call it foolish
To put my heart
Beneath your sword
So, silly me,
Because I
Would just like
To feel
Something

Twenty years I’ve lived and
Still, I feel like a kid
I told him this and
Ignorant bliss
He said,

But you’re a woman
You certainly look
Like a woman

I don’t know if
It was what he said
Or how he said it
But what hunger, to
Make my skin itch
And my stomach turn

Nowhere to hide the
Slip of my smile for
The realization
Of ancient truths that
Stripped me to my bones,
Ornamental to
Searching eyes

Oh, how can a man
Drain your humanity
In just a few words?

Dreaming of lovers
Who were never mine
Watching stars fall from
The sky, I wish to
Paddle to the edge
Of the world. A drop
Of existence, gone
And forgotten with
Words I never spoke.

Strange strange girl

Your silence makes you
Strange. Your strangeness makes
You forgotten. So,
Be a good girl and
Stay silent, be gone.

I am so overcome with love
But only when my mind is hazy
And my thoughts come slowly and quietly

What am I so ashamed of
That I can only see you warmly
In the dark

Why is it easier
To admit I love you
When I’m not thinking clearly?

My darling, I know
Your heart aches with a
Lifetime of burden
And regret, but the
World still turns, the tides
Still crash, and the moon
Still shines. Despite
The hole in
Your chest.

The light is red.

I look over at you,
Eyes pleading for a kiss.
You give in
And the world seems to stop,
As two lovers
Escape for a moment
Of bliss.

The light is green.

Time has given up on me
And so has gravity,
As I float through
The barriers of time.
Floating through the past,
                               the present,
                               the future
Never settling anywhere
A stranger even in
My own memories
Don’t mind me, I’m
Just visiting
Just passing through

I’ll be gone soon.

Underneath an
Empty sky I
Cry out
My loneliness
Pour out
My sadness to
Celestial beings
Who could not care less

Eventually,
I stop my crying
And I go to join
The moon and all her
Glorious stars