"Don't purge"
they say
"It only makes it worse."
Oh, if only they knew.

That rush,
that physiological sensation
that accompanies the mental one
is all I need to breathe.
So why must it be wrong?

The calming motion
of sticking your fingers down your throat
until you gag
until you cannot breathe
until you feel that acidity
crawling up your throat
as a demon emerges from Hell's depths.

It is as if you are allowing a well-kept secret
an abundance of pain
to be released
to meet catharsis.

So necessary,
from an inside perspective.
So beautiful,
from an artistic one.
So cold,
from any sane person looking in.
They can never understand
how crucial it is in fighting the breakdowns
that plague my life under stressful circumstances.

I know,
it is hard for you to believe
or comprehend.
But this
painful yet pleasing obsession
is keeping me calm, keeping me okay.
And, quite possibly,
keeping me alive
month after month
week after week
day after painful day.

holds the baby close
not going to let her go
kissed her on the head

moms going to die
so lets go say good bye
oh no baby girl dont cry

trying not to tell her lies
mommy just said good bye
holds his baby girl as she crys

I look up to the sky
and what do I see
a shooting star
and its shining for me
but what would happen
if you were that star
would I wonder
just what you are
up high above
shining over this place
I remember how beautiful you were
when your smile lit up your face
a thousand miles
never seemed so far away
you're like a diamond in the sky
but you're invisble during the day
shine bright
my shooting star
how I'll always wonder
what you are...