staring at screens all day
you look away to see the world
and it doesn't even look the same
like vintage film
fuzzy and dizzying
where do you direct your gaze
when it's exhausting just to look?

the room fills
with people wielding mics and cameras
attention towards the podium
where i am supposed to be

ive been dreading this moment
there's no bad news to be told
even on a positive note
moments like these are why secrets exist

i dont want to report my daily happenings to anyone
i dont need to inform you of every minor or major event
cut the mic, shut off the camera
nobody needs to know

im leaving, going home
i'll use the backdoor,
where noone can see me

autopilot
once you're on you dont stop
autopilot
in one ear and out the other
autopilot
life passes by like a dream
autopilot
this is so simple
autopilot
dangerously simple
autopilot
why cant i pay attention?
autopilot
this is your captain speaking
autopilot
and i am asleep at the wheel

when we speak of failure
it evokes vision of a great struggle followed by defeat
a saga that helps define who you are
that makes a great party story in a few years

but what of the small battles that you lose
who are long forgotten
yet in the present moment feel equally as devastating?

dripping iced tea on your shirt
getting stood up that one time
that joke that flopped and silenced the room

these failures don't make great stories
but they are part of our stories

It's always easier to admire something from afar
A picture of the jungle
A large bonfire
You see a small part of the picture without feeling it
The bugs biting into your skin, the moisture in the air clinging to you
The intense heat and the smell of burned matter
These experiences are what you miss when you decide to admire instead of stepping forward into it
The mystery, the suspense of what might happen kills you, you tell yourself
Yet even when you step in, you must step through the actions
There is no guarantee and there never was one

i dropped a penny into the water
but didn't make the wish
it wasn't until i had tainted the well
that i was allowed to do so

one of my biggest fears
is spilling coffee on my favorite striped t shirt
white with thin black stripes,
how embarrassing that would be

thats why its place in my heart as my favorite
has been replaced by the charcoal gray
whose dark shade hides all types of stains and mishaps.

in one fell swoop
with my favorite striped shirt
the night is ruined
as I recklessly fling the french fry
from plate to mouth
and the ketchup flies off as per the laws of physics
straight into my chest
signalling the end of my life

it was nice knowing you, striped shirt
but your power over me
to expose my clumsiness
and make me incredibly self conscious
is no more