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Arabella Oct 2013
what a fool I was
to think you'd fight
for me.

that you'd want more
than just
the free trial.

a fool
to think you'd
call today

and explain.

a fool
to have trusted you
in the first place.

to think
that you actually
cared,

and that your words,
meant something more.
I am a fool,
but
*******.
Arabella Oct 2013
thank you for
broken promises.

saturday nights keeping me up late
only to discover
that you're loving someone else.

disgusted
with how far
i've fallen
for another
*******.

I once set out
to write you a love poem,
but found that all the reasons
I had come to love you
were a lie,

so I should have known then.

I can't wait
until I'm millions of
miles
away

so that I can forget
that this poem is ****,
and so are you.
(I'm all knotted up by my own words and all of this is ****.)
Arabella Oct 2013
I can't stop fidgeting.

My stomach is going through a repetitive cycle of being turned inside out.

The voices of bratty adolescents are muffled through the floor.

In front of me are three self portraits.
None of which are happy.
What are you doing.

It's not time to go out yet.
I don't think i'll shower, either,
because there's no real reason.
I wont be seeing you tonight.

My nine year old sister and her friend are cackling in the room over.
Your smile comes to mind.

All these medications are driving me insane,
but in a way i've come to love it.
Being able to talk about things,
even though I really don't want to.

Why do so many people say live every day like it's your last,
yet judge the ones that do.

I feel like I'm sinking in a ocean of growing up,
and doing work.
With only a slice of playfulness out of the corner of my eye.  

what on earth is going on outside my door.

I've chosen to stay in
because today,
I like the company of my thoughts.
Even if they're not pleasant.

Right now
me:
girl
at desk
can't stay still
ankles crossed
light blue jeans
on the edge of her chair
gray shirt
long blonde wavy hair
glasses
energetic fingers
makeup run down her face.

Being in love with you has slowly killed me over the years,
but I still don't mind it.

I only wish that I could be for you
what you are to me.
sorry
that this is
so bad.

sorry.
Arabella Oct 2013
5
**** me

for crumbling lies

for falling for you

for saying sorry

and my
un-ability
to accept.
Arabella Oct 2013
drunken poets,
pouring out their melancholy lives
into ink.

eyes, singing with joy
under the spotlight,
along with nervous hands,
shaking violently,
crumbled paper in fist.

two rows back,
I sit with a cold coffee in hand.
new mixtures
playing with my comfort.

foot tapping,
after an applause,
congratulations on your wonderful find.

beat down chairs through the door way;
once upon a time the four of us sat there,
sharing each breath.

sweet poems,
and kind words
making coffee oh so less bitter.

a firm squeeze of a hand,
reassuring me that tonight
I won't be alone.

covered in crisp leaves,
these breaths
have been replaced with unanswered phone calls,
and the rubbing together
of two rocks.

no longer dancing
as fast as we used to.
Arabella Oct 2013
firm hand shakes
with faded tattoos
and melting smiles.

So here it is;
you've got to come up with millions of different formations or twenty-six letters, creating and infinite amount of creative and descriptive words that will pour out your soul, hopes, and dreams, and if these combinations sparkle in their tired eyes then the gates will open wide and the future is yours to play with between your skinny paint covered fingers.

lets not waste our time
pretending to be in love,
when words have yet to be written
and I haven't heard from you today.
Arabella Oct 2013
I take everything to heart.
That half hearted hug hangs loose on my hips.
I've been wondering around this forest with cement blocks tied to my feet
that I am simply too lazy to untie,
and I'm scared.

Every word spoken questions all i've done,
and what I'm doing.

I've fallen in love with too many people, and in that mess,
I have shattered my own heart,
and refuse to let it heal.

I can't write as beautifully as her,
but that doesn't make my words any less sincere.

In a way,
you've almost become another one of my medications,
and I hate being dependent on anything
or anyone.

I really wish that you would stop playing with me.
Although a year form now,
none of this will matter.
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