Ripped up and torn apart
as they always have been
I watched as your hands dig
through your pockets
in search of that last cigarette.
as smoke poured out of your mouth
I thought back to a time in which
my love did the same.
Two years previous
This would bring me to tears.
Studying your steady heartbeat
with each breath I wait for
"I miss you" to follow.

Telling you what you meant to me
ended with a reply of
"I know,
you've already told me"
but wether or not it's understood
runs away as time has. Leaving me
wondering, can you see
that i've been broken ever since?

Placing your chewed up chapped fingers
on my left knee, followed with an empty stare
possibly in search of words. Your eyes, now
empty muddy pools swirling with the different drugs
to keep the weekends exciting, are an abandoned
home. Yellowed teeth from the five
smoke breaks a day share the same spot as
cold coffee to keep you alive on these long nights.
Yet, for some reason butterflies still carry me away
when brought to company
even though, we don't appear to be
the same as we were
two years ago.

a list of songs
that I don't want to sing,
I wonder if when you smoke
I ever cross your mind.

kisses on the cheek
hang loose,
like toys do
in a tired child's hand.

and the only thing our lips
bring each other
are awkward greetings
followed by another sudden
departure.

I don't necessarily miss you
but I do miss the warmth you brought
home each night.

doodles of my tattoo
are found scattered through your notes.
you're pretending
that it's a coincidence.

Who was she
to disgust love
in your eyes.

empty hearts
being filled with the burning
of any alcoholic beverage
that we are presented with.

it's time to get up off the floor,
because you're not coming for me.

what has it all come to?
sleepless nights
filled with consuming anything
that will alter our bodies
and mind.
searching for a non-existing
company.

old lovers
and promises
run around
like marathons,
and each Saturday night,
I fall apart.

My limbs
cause nothing but trouble.
And leaving my body
wholey,
would be heavenly.

the leaves are changing,
and the long nights are getting colder.
there hasn't been a day in the past month in which I haven't cried,
and I'm terrified of what comes next.

papers clenched tight
with tears streaming down
a dirt covered face,
I wonder what  i've done this time.

Long car rides,
as such,
leave us to nothing but our thoughts;
wondering why the hell you would try and kiss me,
as your "lover" stood close.

like death,
She picks away at everyone and everything until they crumble
in her hands so that she can casually toss them to the side.
Going the extra mile,
making you want to turn inside out,
until she has her way.

One month ago you loved me,
and I wish
you were still my best friend.

I have found
that the most heartbreaking thing
is an unknown
last kiss.

chapped lips
locked up,
will no longer be the story tellers
carrying me to sleep
on drunk nights.

no more twig arms
keeping me close.

nor a simple smile,
to be greeted with.

as it did a year ago,
another slit,
with each thought of you.

I hate myself
for missing you.