I met a guy
he was tough
muscles huge
eyes a jade green
all my knowledge
told me not to talk to him
he'll mess with your mind
but I did
and now here we are
lying under the stars
everything far from our reach
except our hands
linked together
we're happy

i said goodbye
underneath the barren tree
tears flowing down my cheeks
i couldn't fathom- why
gone to early
her soul flying high
i hope at least she was happy

i found her in the stacks
piled beside her a mountain of books
brows furrowed
eyes burning holes in the pages
beneath her clenched hold

i met her in the queue
down cast
sullen
as if each second passing by
deemed to be her last

i dreamed of her
driving a stick shift car
her hair flowing
laughter all around her

as young as could be
i watched my parents
each step they took
glee all around them
i waited for
what was made for me
right from the beginning

Their trying to find the cause of the darkness

they start
locked inside
tangled veins
worthy of a lot of time

this route
covered,
waiting for construction
that doesn't seem to ever come

soon
they'll give up
pack their tools
find something new

and so
with conversations sparse
lack of gentle pleasant warmth
the last push
they'll find something sparkly and bright

then realize
in the end
the entry to the darkness
simply started in my *mind

they told her all along she was safe
soft touches to her back
as everything spun they held her secure
when the laughter bubbled out of her reach
they smiled, eyes set on her

now her back lies on cold concrete
everything still spinning
her voice could break thru the walls, call them in
but something whispered to her
told her she always be void

and she thinks
she doesn't feel safe
maybe she really never was

they cant see her thoughts, hear her confusion
and she can't  (theirs)
shes like a leaf, not ready to fall
isolated from the rest
and she doesn't want this

no, she wants
her thoughts and theirs to be free
words
simple and clear
something to know she's not *alone

I could lock the doors
shut the windows
throw away the keys
ravage everything in sight
until my thoughts seep in my bones
and they ache, scream you should end it all

but

then you open my eyes
you deliver air to my drought filled lungs
build me up
and you leave my mind buzzing

until my eyes blur
and i wake up knowing it was just a dream

the monster still haunts
*everything

back in high school
i wanted you
soul and all
i wouldn't sacrifice for nothing less


now you're gone
and my finger tips ache for your cold touch
the searing, raving, heat would disappear
all because of you

and I'm wondering
how much sadness would delve into my heart
if I never won a chance

i would just walk the hallways with a heavy heart
and fire in my eyes
just a lack of the greatest gift you gave
a
new
me

I wanted someone I could see when the darkness swooped in
If a single drop of worry so threatened to barge in
they are
beside me
Ready to conquer anything

What I had was not the same
I sat in hard chairs waiting for answers
Not from friends or lovers
Just doctors who seemed to have all the knowledge
I trusted them, that I did

I just wanted someone as innocent as I
beside me
ready to hold my hand