I could lock the doors
shut the windows
throw away the keys
ravage everything in sight
until my thoughts seep in my bones
and they ache, scream you should end it all

but

then you open my eyes
you deliver air to my drought filled lungs
build me up
and you leave my mind buzzing

until my eyes blur
and i wake up knowing it was just a dream

the monster still haunts
*everything

back in high school
i wanted you
soul and all
i wouldn't sacrifice for nothing less


now you're gone
and my finger tips ache for your cold touch
the searing, raving, heat would disappear
all because of you

and I'm wondering
how much sadness would delve into my heart
if I never won a chance

i would just walk the hallways with a heavy heart
and fire in my eyes
just a lack of the greatest gift you gave
a
new
me

I wanted someone I could see when the darkness swooped in
If a single drop of worry so threatened to barge in
they are
beside me
Ready to conquer anything

What I had was not the same
I sat in hard chairs waiting for answers
Not from friends or lovers
Just doctors who seemed to have all the knowledge
I trusted them, that I did

I just wanted someone as innocent as I
beside me
ready to hold my hand

My edges are jagged
My steps to small
My voice can't project
Their voice is strident
Their steps could overpower us all
They're crystal clear
No they wouldn't break at all
Just little me

i write about us
he works for them
my stories inspire
his work benefits every other
we both dream
we both work hard
but in the end
        we
             both
                    fall

i don't want to talk no more
not a word
not a sound
figure me out
if you can

i don't think I'm worth it
not a hug
not a tear
you'll figure that out, you'll see

i don't want to be alone
but i am
but you want that to change
you'll figure out why I am, who I am
and why isolation was meant for me