I feel so ugly,
so out of place.
So worthless,
like I have the world to face.

Life pushes me,
this time I don't fight back.
I sit there and let it push me,
further,
further,
further down.
Nearly down a well of nothingness.

Here I am,
This is where I will stay.
I am happy this way

Happy feeling depressed.
Happy feeling worthless.
Happy feeling and being ugly.

I don't belong anywhere,
nowhere at all.

I'm tired
too tired to care
I'm trying so hard
I know its not enough

I can't be fixed
please don't try
someday,
I'll be dead and gone
and you'll  move on

I just cant do this anymore
the days will go on,
but I will not

I am done
done with this misery people call "life:"
what's the point of life,
if we don't enjoy it?

Why do I live,
if the suffering is inevitable?
and don't ever stop feeling numb
when can I be done and gone?
i'm just a memory,
nothing art all

Dear friends,
Hello. How are you? I'm fine, thanks.
Recently, I haven't been opening up at all,
And I'm sorry,
Some of you I trust with little things,
Some, not at all...
Well, you know who you are and where you stand.

There's allot of things i haven't been telling you
Now, I wont go in depth,
Cause there's not much time left,
But this might be my last chance to be honest.

Things have been getting worse,
Slowly with time
I don't even know who I am anymore,
I've lost control.
I had a mental breakdown about a week ago
I guess it's just too much, all of this
I can't do this anymore

Now, don't say "I'm sorry"
There's nothing to be sorry for
I couldn't let you in,
Because I shut my windows and doors

I've realized one thing,
It just wont get better,
My life slowly fell apart,
Day by day,
And here I am
Ready to just die
The lies don't make things better
But I can't tell the truth either

Who wants to know the truth anyways?
I'm sure I really don't,
Not now, not ever,
Because when someone tells the truth,
Someone else gets hurt

Don't ask what happened,
Because there's no answer,
No real explanation
Its my fault...
It always has been
Goodbye friends

sincerely, Apathy, aka Holdingon, aka em1640, aka Emily

when i was younger,
too oblivious to understand what was going on,
i didn't know what was happening.
we would play a little game
hiding in the hallway,
running in and out of my room,
laughing, having fun.
well, we were too young to understand what was going on.

i didn't understand until years later,
that when we were playing games,
my parents were fighting,
getting closer and closer to there divorce

years later, i now understand what happened,
but now, i honestly wish i didn't...
because my family was broken,
and i'm broken now too

If you wanted to know, how it feels.
It feels like your restrained,
From being happy.
Like your being held back from being okay.

And, honestly,
It's not easy

It's like being sore or in pain,
and not being able to show it,
No matter how much pain your in.

The problem with it is,
the people that seem happiest,
often are the most depressed

That's why its so hard to tell if someones depressed

It's also one of the hardest things to deal with,
The sadness.
The hopelessness.
The numbness.
And yet people still keep a smile on there face.

when it gets so bad.
and people die,
because they cant take it anymore
everyone says "I didn't know it was that bad"
well, they didn't want you to know it was that bad

that's what I hate about depression,
people suffer in silence,
and don't have anyone that supports them,
and when they are gone,
everyone is shocked,
because no one knew they were depressed

So please,
People out there,
don't suffer in silence,
talk to someone,
talk to me,
because I care,

I know how depression feels
and the fake smiles,
and all the "i'm fines"
I know depression ***** ***,
but, please
don't suffer in silence,
because that's what i do,
don't be me,
please

I know it's just a number.
but it's not to me,
to me, it's a score.

What kind of score?
not a sports score.
Not a test score, for class,
or a quiz score, for school,
but, a reality check.

I took a depression test,
for my new therapist.
40 was the minimum,
for Extreme Depression.
I got a score of 52.

It made me upset,
more than I already am.
Cause I didn't think what I am feeling is that bad,
now i'm really sad